


Sides of a Hero

by 1_1SnailXD



Series: Sides of a Hero [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Related, Character Death, Depression, Gen, Injury, Loss, Major Character Injury, Manipulation, Minor Injuries, My own spin on the dark sides, Nightmares, Panic, Panic Attacks, Scars, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Stress, Suicide, negative thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-09-29 05:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 73,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17197823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_1SnailXD/pseuds/1_1SnailXD
Summary: Virgil keeps his past to himself out of fear and guilt. He may be a main side now, but was that what he was meant to be? Virgil never told the others about his existence prior to becoming a side. Would they still trust him if they knew what he did and who his friends use to be?Roman called them Dark Sides, but what are they really and how is Virgil connected to them?A different take on the sides being various impulses/ways of thinking, and fusing together form the different parts of Thomas’ personality.





	1. Hindrance or help

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick heads up, completely new to this. Never posted any writing before (it normally all stays in my notebooks). Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes in advance. I do my best to edit but something always sneaks through.
> 
>  
> 
> Story takes place after ‘Learning new things about ourselves’. I want to try and put some things from ‘Embarrassing phases’ canon in here, but that doesn’t fully work with my story (just a heads up) 
> 
> Enjoy

Key:  _italics indicate inner thoughts of Virgil. **Bold italics are for ***** and will only be used when they are talking.**_

 

********************************************************************************************* 

 

Virgil felt the darkness swallowing him from below. He squeezed his eyes shut and pleaded for the voice to stop. He didn’t care that he was sinking. He only wanted it to stop

 _ **You** **failed**_ , _**Anxiety**_. **_Just_ _like_ _we_ _always_ _knew_ _you_ _would_**.

Virgil was too exhausted to argue… _I can’t argue with the truth._ Virgil had one job as a main side; protect Thomas, and he had failed to do that. _I’m sorry, Thomas._  Virgil let his body relax into the dark liquid surrounding him and took a final breath before he was fully submerged.

 

**********************************************************************************************

 

Logan, Patton and Roman sat on the lounge in the common area of the mindscape; watching ‘Learning new things about ourselves’ play on a large screen. Roman was pretty much glowing with pride as Patton commented on how well the video turned out.

“Aww, look at how cute Virgil’s puppet is,” Patton beamed. “It looks almost exactly like the one you made, Virgil.”

Virgil was sitting in the corner on his bean bag; hoodie pulled up and arms crossed firmly in front of him. Virgil never felt good about Thomas uploading a new video. There were so many possible consequences to consider and emotions filter and process. Regardless, he gave Patton a half smile and a thumbs up. _I shouldn’t pass my negativity onto him._

“I thought you said you were going to make my puppet look more metallic?” Logan looked pointedly at Roman. “My puppet was metal and that clearly does not look like any metal alloy I have ever come across.”

“Well…I…” Roman was flustered; Virgil couldn’t help but smirk. “I did tell you that we couldn’t make the puppet look exactly the same. We are fictitious remember.”

“Yes, but you assured me that there would be an effect added to make it look more realistic. Were you simply providing a falsehood to calm me down?"

"What?” Roman glanced around, searching for the appropriate way to respond. “Do you really think I would do such a thing?" Virgil glanced around the room. _Crap! Roman is trying to lie...I am not in the mood to deal with Deceit right now._

"Yes. That is why I inquired." _Logan is getting angry. Is Rage here? Is Rage coming? I can’t have Rage and Deceit here at the same time._  Logan had his arms crossed and was looking expectantly at Roman.

 _I’ve gotta stop this._  "He was too busy focusing on how great he looked and forgot to ask Thomas to add in the affect." _Why the heck did I say that?_

Roman looked at Virgil in shock. Logan glanced at Virgil briefly before returning a daggered gaze to Roman. “Of course, you forgot,” Logan stood in front of Roman. “Why would you ever consider the needs of others.”

“Well if you were so concerned, then why didn’t you help with constructing the video?” Roman stood too. Both sides staring directly into each other’s eyes, defending their own sense of right. Patton’s attempts to calm them fell on deaf ears; as per usual. Virgil was scanning the room with heightened vigilance. _Where are you, Rage?_

“Who does all the research for the videos?”

_**Look what you did, Anxiety.** Shut up._

“Research is pointless if the video isn’t entertaining!”

**_They are fighting and it is ALL. YOUR. FAULT._ **

“Would you two just shut up!” Virgil’s sudden loud voice silenced the others instantly.

Patton was relieved. “Thanks, Virgil. Now, I’m sure we can all come together and solve this issue in a more…respectful manner.”

Roman and Logan turned to face Patton and Virgil; waiting for them to continue. Virgil noticed the reflection of another side in Logan’s glasses; one eye flashed red.

“I agree,” Virgil tried to bite his tongue, but he was overwhelmed by frustration. _Dang it, Rage!_  “We should start with Roman admitting that he has an inflated ego, and end with Logan admitting that he is hypercritical.” _Shit._ Patton looked hurt, as if Virgil had just thrown a perfectly good cookie in the bin or something. 

“I don’t have to deal with this. I have other matters to deal with.” Logan marched down the hall towards the door that lead to his corner of Thomas’ mind.

“I too have matters to deal with.” Roman announced, following Logan. “I have a whole imagination kingdom to rule.”

“and I have to further Thomas’ understanding of the world.” Roman opened his door and turned; ready to rebut Logan’s comment, but Logan jumped back in before he could get a word out. “You know, because my job actually helps Thomas get ahead in life.”

Roman was left fuming as Logan quickly slammed his door. He hated not getting the last word in and Logan knew it. “I’m actually the one helping Thomas get ahead in his career!” Roman yelled at the closed door before slamming his own.

_**Well done, Anxiety. What a wonderful performance. You really do bring out the best in others.** Thanks for that. **Oh, you are most welcome.**_

Virgil couldn’t bring himself to look Patton in the eyes; fearing he might catch another glimpse of Rage. Regardless, he already knew that the fatherly figment was looking at him with disapproval. “You don’t need to say anything, Pat.”

Patton sighed, “Virgil did you…”

“Yeah, I’m out.” Virgil teleported to his room before Patton could finish his sentence. With how he was feeling right now, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to deal with a Patton talk right now.

Patton was left alone in the common area. He let out a long breath and started walking to his own door. “Sometimes you guys are worse than children,” he said to the empty hall as he walked down. Virgil heard him though. He was always listening.

 

**********************************************************************************************

 

Being different had one perk. The other sides couldn’t sink to their rooms from the common area; but this rule didn’t apply to Virgil. It helped him escape many situations, and he was very thankful for that gift.

Virgil reappeared in the centre of his room. It was different to how Thomas, Talyn and Joan portrayed it in their YouTube videos. They took a lot of creative licence when writing the Sanders Sides series; the fictional world did seem a lot more fun than reality. The room was dark, and the lights struggled to reach the corners. Two massive wardrobes sat on opposite walls; there was a door to a bathroom; a bed against the centre of the back wall. The grey painted walls were chipped, and large cracks ran across them. There were shelves holding books and knick-knacks; but most of these represented key points of fear or worry from Thomas’ life. Virgil didn’t look upon them with much fondness at all.

Two shadowy figments crept forward from the corner of the room. Their shape had always reminded Virgil of a kid with a sheet thrown over their head, attempting to look like a ghost. Only problem was that these weren’t kids; despite their smallish stature. These shadows were the embodiment of Thomas and Virgil’s fears and worries.

“Only two of you. Well that isn’t too bad,” Virgil smirked at the shadows.

**_Never count your chickens before they hatch, Anxiety._ **

Virgil blinked and watched as two more shadows emerged from the darkness. _Of course. I should never get my hopes up. “_ Alright. Lets get this over with.”

Virgil took a deep breath in as the shadows enveloped him and his mind was flooded with thoughts; his chest tightened, breathing hitched and tears began to form in his eyes.

**_Have fun with that, Anxiety._ **

 

***********************************************************************************************

 

“The dark sides…. I made that name up. It’s pretty cool, right?”

Roman’s words echoed around Virgil’s ears, and when he opened his eyes he was no longer in his room. Instead he found himself at the edge of the mindscape, looking over the edge of a cliff. Below was dark emptiness, behind a thick forest and ahead…. a beautiful sunset. _I haven’t been here in such a long time. I forgot how beautiful this place was._ Virgil looked around and realised he was sitting with four other figures, but they were just out of focus. He turned to the figures on his left and squinted to improve his vision. Slowly, two young sides became clear; Ego and Lust?

Ego sat the furthest away, sporting a grey fedora and a green patterned shirt that made Virgil dizzy to look at. Ego, obviously, didn’t have a care in the world. He knew he looked fabulous and all other opinions were wrong. His face reflected that of a younger Thomas, but his clothes made him look so much older. Lust on the other hand wore a simple button up shirt and black slacks; their face was split with half feminine make up and the other appearing very masculine. 

 _How are Ego and Lust here? They can’t be here._  Virgil’s breathing increased as he turned to his right and saw the young sides on his other side. His breathing hitched as Deceit and Rage came into focus.

Where Lust’s face appeared split by make-up, Deceit’s whole body was divided so half of him appeared reptilian. While his right eye was normal, his left sported a yellow, slit eye and his skin was leathery with bright yellow scales. Virgil watched him fiddle with the sleeves of his brown and yellow coat and casually adjust his yellow gloves to cover his scales as much as possible. _What is going on here?_

Rage slapped Deceit’s hand, “Stop fidgeting and just relax. None of us here care about your scales.” Rage’s voice sounded far away, even though he was right next to Virgil. Rage smoothed back his already slick hair and wiped his hand on his red tank top; looking over at Lust and Ego. _I remember this._

Ego stood and reached a hand out to Lust, who gladly used it to pull themself up. “It is time we headed back to the Kingdom, Lust. I’m sure Prince Roman has finished building the north village by now.” _No. Please don’t make me do this again._

“You two are really fitting in in the kingdom, aren’t you?” Virgil’s voice echoed out, even though he desperately wanted to bite his tongue (this was become a regular thing). “Just living your best lives with Prince Perfect.”

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Anxiety,” tittered Lust. “The mindscape is becoming more solid. We impulses either find our place or spend our days roaming the different areas of Thomas’ mind.”

 _Tell them you understand. “_ Whatever.”

“It sucks that you found a place you feel safe,” Deceit added. “I hope I never find my place.” _Even Deceit was kinder than me back then, and he can only lie._

“Thanks, Deceit.” Ego and Lust spoke in time. They had hung out enough to easily comprehend Deceit’s truth behind his lying curse.

“I’ll see you two around, probably. I visit the kingdom on occasion,” Rage added. The cool breeze was helping him maintain his composure.

Lust lent down and wrapped their arms around Virgil’s shoulders. “You’ll find your place, Anxiety. Come visit us from time to time.” _Wish then good luck you idiot._ Virgil grumbled at Lust’s comment.

Ego knelt and rested a hand on Virgil’s arm. “You know we will never be far away. And as much as it pains me to admit it…You are an important part of Thomas. You’ll find your place soon.”

 _Don’t do it._ Virgil roughly shrugged Lust and Ego off. “Yeah, yeah. Would you just get out of here already. Your presence is starting to make me feel sick.”   _No! I didn’t mean it! Don’t leave yet!_

Virgil was forced to watch as Deceit and Rage gave Lust and Ego a friendly farewell and the two sunk out.

**_Once again, a beautiful performance, Anxiety. One of my favourite memories. So... heartfelt._ **

 

Virgil opened his eyes and found he was back in his room; laying on the floor breathing heavily. His hands were sore from being clenched in a fist during the nightmare of a memory. As he carefully sat up, Virgil could hear the echo of laughter coming from one of his wardrobes.

“You really are an ass, Depression.”

**_What more would you expect from me, Anxiety? Besides, that was your memory, not mine._ **

Virgil could practically hear the grin in Depressions words. But it was true. That wasn’t a fictitious nightmare, or a projection of something that could go wrong with Thomas. It was a true memory from Virgil’s past….and they were the most haunting of all.


	2. Past Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton takes a trip down memory lane after the argument in the common room and realises there is trouble in the mindscape. Meanwhile, Virgil is dealing with the after effects of his trip down memory lane. Not all memories are good ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Key: italics indicate inner thoughts of Virgil. Bold italics are for Depression and will only be used when he is talking telepathically to Virgil - I'll use the bold italics if he talks out loud too (he just has that kind of voice)

 

After the argument in the common area, Patton returned to his room and began flipping through one of his many scrapbooks of him, Thomas, and the other sides. He had crafted a photo of every special occasion. Their first video with Virgil - Virgil was not impressed with Roman’s original scripts. Their first physical visit with Thomas - that was scary for all parties involved. Thomas’s first Vine, first stage show - oh so many firsts. The days Virgil’s, Roman’s and Logan’s doors each appeared.

 

Patton sighed, staring at the page dedicated to their doors; eyes glued to the day Logan became…well…Logan. Before that day, Rational-Thinking, Learning and Conformity were all separate impulses roaming the mindscape. Patton had been so excited when they fused together to form Logan and he finally had another side to keep him company in the common area. Don’t get him wrong, fusing with Optimism, Sympathy and Morals was amazing, and becoming a main side of Thomas was mind-blowing, but…he had been lonely. Meeting Logan had been the best day ever and they became quite close. Working together to create the mindscape. Watching the other impulses fuse and imagining which ones would become core sides like them. Patton encouraging Logan to accept the ever growing Curiosity, and their inevitable fusion. Logan chastising Patton for fusing with the childlike Innocence. The two watching as Thomas’s various creative impulses slowly came together, and then watching the immaculate red door form in the common hall and seeing Roman emerge in all his glory. All three of them supporting Thomas in dealing with the ‘unkinder’ impulses and chasing them out of their rooms.

 

 

Patton's fond smile turned to a frown and his reminiscing was cut short by a sudden realisation. The other sides had been uncharacteristically frustrated lately. Very short fused...Patton stood and quickly walked out to the hall; knocking rhythmically on the other sides doors to get their attention in the least intrusive way possible.

 

Roman emerged first, sword in hand. "What's up, Pat? I was just practising my sword fighting."

Patton was about to respond when Logan opened his door; arms crossed and emitting a generally frustrated aura. "What do you two want? Come to belittle my opinion again, Roman?"

"Oh, come on! It was one mistake you..."

"Woah there!" Patton stood between the two, arms outstretched to keep the two apart. "Take a break from fighting for a second." A Kit Kat chocolate appeared in both Roman and Logan's hands.

Logan raised an eyebrow, "Really? Was that necessary?"

"Thanks for that Pat," Roman licked melting chocolate from his fingers. "You now have my attention."

Logan sighed, but Patton beamed. "Your welcome, Roman. Well, I called you out here because I think I worked out what has been happening lately."

"What?" Logan and Roman spoke in unison, and then glared at each other.

"Rage," Patton called out cheerfully. "The cheeky little devil is obviously playing games with us again."

"Ok. So, where is he?" Roman asked. "He can't be in my room. I have security for irritating impulses like him."

"Well he wouldn't be in _my_ room," Logan spat. "Why would an emotion be in my room. He is obviously in Virgil's room."

 

Logan began banging on Virgil's door so hard that flakes of black paint began falling to the floor. Patton and Roman exchanged a glance and Roman drew his sword and pointed it at Logan.

Logan's eyes widened and stared at Roman; then they glimmered red as he smiled at the two sides.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Virgil sat on the ground and leaned back against the solid wall of his room; still counting to keep his breathing steady. Two shadows lingered in front of him as Virgil continued to reel from his nightmare of a memory. He could still here Lust and Ego's voices in his head and felt the lingering guilt of his actions. Lust and Ego were neutral impulses; he should have been thrilled that Roman allowed them in his corner of the mindscape. Instead he had acted like a selfish jerk.

 

Admittedly, it was the other two that should have been jealous. Thomas' teenage years were a time when Virgil, Deceit and Rage had an increased influence in Thomas' life and were at their most powerful. They had managed to turn the impulses 'safe space' into a room; despite it lacking a door to the common area. Ego and Lust had every right to leave; they weren't feeling heard in that space and the kingdom was a lot more accepting. But all Virgil was worried about was losing his friends to the main sides; especially Roman. He was the least accepting of all of them.

 

Virgil sighed. He couldn't linger on his own nightmares, he still had a job to do. Thomas wasn't going to be able to deal with negative comments if Virgil hadn't thought through possible negatives beforehand. He pulled the shadows close and allowed the negative energy to fuel his thinking.

 

The shadows weren't too hard to deal with. Just the normal post video blues: _That video sucked. Can you even act? That video was too long. What a waste of time. Should have made the video longer and actually taught your viewers something. That singing was horrible._

As much as Virgil hated it, he knew some of this would reach Thomas. He was just glad to have taken the brunt of the negativity. The others would step in soon enough and provide words of encouragement and inevitably ignore Virgil altogether.

 

A rhythmic knock at the door pulled Virgil away from his thoughts and broke his focus. Virgil froze, heart rate rising and throat tightening as the shadows thoughts mixed with his own anxieties of what was happening outside. _Calm down. Calm down. Come on, Virge. Focus!_  Virgil massaged his hand and started counting his breathing again. No further knocking occurred, and Virgil felt calmer. He focused solely on filtering the shadow and remaining calm to not upset Thomas too much.

 

Virgil stood and started walking around the room, stretching his tense muscles and shaking off the last of the lingering negativity. A sudden banging at his door caused Virgil to jump. _That is not a good sign at all._ Virgil's hands shook, but he clenched his fist and teleported to the hallway.

Virgil appeared behind Patton and Roman and quickly took in the situation; Roman pointing his sword towards Logan. _What the heck is going on now?_ Logan turned and locked eyes with Virgil; he smirked, and his irises flashed red. _Rage! He wasn't just influencing us, he fused with Logan._ Virgil's own anger flaring, he stared hard at Rage; his eyes flared purple.

 "Logan?" Patton asked warily.

 Logan|Rage winked and suddenly Logan and Rage separated. Virgil maintained eye contact with Rage and pulled the impulse into his room.

Logan swayed slightly before falling forward; Roman was quick to drop his sword and catch the falling side.

"I have no idea what just happened, but let's get this Sleeping Spectacle to his room." Roman hook Logan's arm around his should and Patton moved to do the same on the other side. Logan merely mumbled in confusion as the two sides took him too his room; all oblivious to Virgil's role in the situation.

 

********************************************************************************************* 

 

Virgil stood in his room facing Rage.

"What's up, Anxiety?" Rage sneered. "Long time. No see."

Virgil noticed Rage's pale, papery skin. _That fusion really took it out of him._ "What was that all about?"

"Just a little fun. I was feeling ignored."

"So, you thought it would be a great idea to waste energy forcing a fusion and making us fight?"

"Gotta get my kicks somehow." Rage's legs shook slightly. He tried desperately to hide his exhaustion from Virgil; he didn't want to show any weakness.

"Take a seat you idiot."

"What?"

"I can see your legs shaking. I'm vigilant, remember." Rage opened his mouth to argue but Virgil cut him off. "We don't need to talk. Just sit until you can get yourself out of here." Virgil moved to his bed and threw himself down.

Rage sighed and moved to sit on nearby lounge; sinking deep into the familiar cushions. As much as he hated Anxiety; he was glad to be in an accepting and safe space.

 

 ************************************************************************************************************************

 

Patton and Roman deposited Logan on his bed and sat on a nearby sofa. Logan's room was very minimalistic and small. A bed, a desk and a sofa made up the entirety of the room; however, there was a door leading to a bathroom, another to a library and a final one to Logan's area of the imagination mindscape.

 

"Well that was a new level of low for a worthless, impulsive Dark Side." Roman commented.

"Now, Roman." Patton cooed, " Don't be so harsh on Rage. He didn't do too much harm. He probably just wanted to hang out with us. We haven't seen him around in a while."

"No harm? Oh, suuure. Logan always collapses in the hall after banging on Virgil's door like a maniac."

"Oh. well..."

"You can't always find the positives in people, Patton. The only purpose Rage's actions served was to take Logan out of the picture..." Roman suddenly looked at Patton with concern. "We need to check on Thomas."

Patton nodded and the two sunk out to check on Thomas, leaving Logan to sleep soundly in his room.

 

 ************************************************************************

 

Thomas sat on the lounge staring at his computer; the video had already gone public and the first reactions and comments were appearing. Thomas was feeling the effects of Virgil and massaging a circle in the palm of his hand to remain calm. He was happy to see Roman and Patton rise up in their usual spots.

 "Hey guys." Thomas glance around, "Where is Logan?"

"Oh, he's just taking a little nap," Roman said with a smile.

"Ok. Well, what do you think of the latest video?" Thomas looked down at the floor, "I already know Virgil's thoughts."

Patton and Roman moved to sit with Thomas and started sharing their thoughts on the video. Thomas felt much better listening to their comments, even if they were a bit over the top.

 

********************************************************************************

 

Virgil sat up as he felt Patton and Roman rise up to interact with Thomas. Rage was dozing on the lounge; his breathing steady and calm. Virgil couldn't help but smile as he felt a wave of nostalgia roll over him. _Familiar sight. Rage passed out after making Thomas argue with a friend or family member, and then I get to work over time to make up for it._

Virgil went into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess and his eye shadow had been smudged down his cheeks; truly a horrible sight. Grabbing a brush, Virgil quickly fixed his hair before washing off his old make up. Reapplication was a fast process and Virgil checked that Rage was still sleeping before teleporting to Thomas' lounge.

 

 

Thomas, Roman and Patton couldn't help but jump at the sudden appearance Virgil at the foot of the lounge.

"Sorry. I probably should have aimed for the stairs." _Idiot. You scared them again._

 "Probably should've stayed in your room," mumbled Roman, and Patton shot him a disapproving glance before looking back at Virgil.

"Good to see you, Kiddo. How are you feeling about the new video now?"

Virgil sighed and looked at his feet. "It was alright. Just..."

"We KNOW!" interrupted Roman.  "It took too long to make, the sound was misaligned, the lesson wasn't ..."

"Roman!" Thomas was the one to interrupt this time, and Patton joined in giving Roman a disappointed head shake.

"What?" Roman feigned offence. "We know he doesn't have anything positive to contribute. He was upsetting you earlier, Thomas, and Patton, you heard his comments in the mindscape earlier"

"That will do, Princey. Virgil?" Thomas looked at the anxious side fondly. "You had something you wanted to say? You can be honest. I appreciate any and all feedback"

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Um... I guess...I … Kind of liked the song. It was a good way to... Engage your audience. Even though I wouldn't normally sing."

Thomas beamed. "Thanks Virgil. I feel like the song really added to the conversation, and Joan did a great job writing it too."

"See Roman. Virgil liked your video." Patton nudged Roman with his elbow and smiled.

Roman sighed in defeat, "Thank you, Virgil. I... appreciate the feedback."

 

 

The sides all hung out with Thomas as the comments started rolling in at a faster rate. Virgil curled up in the corner of the lounge and focused on keeping his breathing steady and listening to Roman, Patton and Thomas talk.

They had been with Thomas for half an hour before Logan made an appearance.

"Hey, Logan." Thomas smiled, "Did you have a good nap?"

Logan appeared confused and Roman nodded vigorously behind Thomas to encourage Logan to play along. "Oh. Oh yes. I did thank you. How is the video going?"

Patton moved to sit on the floor, so Logan could sit next to Thomas and comfortably join the conversation. Logan made sure Thomas (and Virgil) were focused on the facts, which helped Virgil; who was beginning to lose his grip on remaining calm.

 

 

A few hours later, Virgil felt his eyelids grow heavy and saw Thomas was beginning to fall asleep. "We should go." The others nodded sleepily and sunk out.

Thomas stirred and looked up at Virgil. "Are you alright, Virge?" 

"I'll try and keep my worrying to a minimum." Virgil stood and tucked his hands deep into his pockets. "You should go to bed and sleep. Joan and Talyn are coming over tomorrow...don't want to look like me hey"

Thomas smiled weakly and repositioned himself on the lounge. "Thanks Virgil. You really are a good guy."

Before Virgil could make another comment, Thomas closed his eyes and fell asleep. The lounge wasn't the best place to sleep, but Thomas needed sleep so that was enough to satisfy Virgil.

 

He teleported to his room.... something was off. Virgil scanned the room for any lingering shadows but saw nothing except Rage still sleeping on the lounge.

"You can't hide Deceit. I know you're in here."

.

.

.

([Click for art version](http://snail-giggles.tumblr.com/post/182859425849/summary-patton-takes-a-trip-down-memory-lane))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. I really hope this makes as much sense to others as it does to me. There is more to come......
> 
> Check out my Tumblr for extra art versions. It is easier to draw during work breaks than it is to write, so some art can fill up time between chapters. 
> 
> Chapter 2 page: http://snail-giggles.tumblr.com/post/182859425849/summary-patton-takes-a-trip-down-memory-lane  
> Normal Tumblr: http://snail-giggles.tumblr.com/


	3. Lying in wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can't hide Deceit. I know you're in here."
> 
> Deceit and Rage are in Virgil's room. Are they friends or foes?  
> Patton makes breakfast because he thinks the sides needed to mend broken relationships from yesterday’s arguments.

 

Virgil lent against the bathroom doorframe and waited. Deceit materialised on his bed and grinned up at Virgil. His scales appeared to have faded since Virgil had last seen him; a key indicator that he wasn't holding as much power over Thomas. _Deceit and Rage really are shadows of their former selves right now._

"Good to see you, Anxiety. I see you never discovered Rage." Deceit grabbed a pillow from Virgil's bed and threw it towards Rage.

Rage reached an arm up and knocked the pillow away. "I am awake and that was uncalled for." Rage sat up, rubbing his face.

"Great reunion, guys." Virgil swallowed hard and stood up straight to assert himself. "Now, what do you want, Deceit?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to check in and see how the old room is doing."

"Lie" Virgil felt adrenaline rushing into his system as his fight response kicked in. _They are up to something. They are going to hurt Thomas. I need to stop them now._

 

Deceit smiled and stood to move next to Rage, who was now standing and leaning casually against the wall.

Virgil moved forward, "Last time I saw you, you were impersonating Patton." Rage watched on in silence as Virgil grabbed Deceits shoulders and pushed him against the wall. "What do you want, Deceit?"

 

The smile dropped from Deceit's face as Virgil's left iris flashed purple. Deceit's own eyes faded to Thomas' natural brown and he couldn't help but speak the truth. "I was checking on Depression. I wanted to see how strong the cage was and..."

Rage's eyes flared red and he fused with Deceit and pushed Virgil away. Virgil fell to the ground and snarled at the now fused impulse.

Deceit|Rage spoke in a deep distorted voice, "You are certainly stronger than we thought, Anxiety. But are you strong enough?" Virgil blinked and Deceit|Rage were gone, leaving Virgil alone and shaking as the adrenaline rush started to wear off. But he didn’t have time to worry about how he was feeling, he had to check on Depression.

 

Slowly standing, Virgil looked at the large, black wardrobe and teleported to the room inside. He found himself standing in front of a black, bared cage inside a small dark room. A single light bulb hung from the ceiling, barley lighting the space; thankfully Virgil’s eyes were quick to adjust to the light. He scanned the room… _nothing looks out of place._

 

**_“How kind of you to visit me, Anxiety.”_** Despite Depression being in the cage right in front of him, his voice rang in Virgil’s ears, as if coming from all sides of the room. It was twice as nerve wracking in person, Virgil actually preferred to hear Depression’s quite whispers in his own head compared to this.

Chains rattled as Depression’s dark, cloaked figure moved to the front of the cage. His hair was flat and oily, eyes dark, teeth slightly pointed, and his skin was a grey that should only exist in a bad Instagram filter.

Virgil steadied himself and did his best to keep his voice level. “I heard Deceit came to visit you. Thought it was time I came and checked on you too.”

“ ** _Don’t act tough, Anxiety. You were scared. Scared that I got out. Scared that you failed.”_** Depression sneered. He hadn’t seen Virgil, or any impulse, in years. Seeing two in the same day was thrilling.

“Yep. Well, you got me. I was scared. It’s what I do.” Virgil shrugged his shoulder and did his best to feign confidence. “But it looks like there isn’t anything to worry about, so I’m just going to go.”

“ ** _Are you sure about that, Anxiety?_** ” Virgil froze. **_“How strong is that seal of yours? How long can you keep me here…in your room?”_**

Virgil felt sick and he shakily drew back is hoodies sleeve to reveal the circular scars that formed Depressions seal; four small circles connected by one larger one. Virgil ran his fingers over two of the scars that were a lot more faded than the other three. _He can't get out. The seal is intact. The seal is intact. It's fine, Virgil._ "Looks pretty strong to me," Virgil turned and started to walk away. "Nice seeing you though."

**_"I look forward to seeing you again soon, Anxiety. Sleep tight. Don't let my shadows bite."_ **

Virgil shuddered, but kept walking towards the door. That was Virgil's biggest fear and hate about this room...he couldn't sink or vanish out. The room was as much a prison for Virgil as it was for Depression.

 

Virgil closed the wardrobe doors behind him and slowly slid down to the floor. Silent tears began sliding down his face and his body shook. Virgil squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing.

Although he couldn't see them, Virgil knew some shadows had followed him back to his room. _Depression is going to break free. He will get to Thomas and it will be all my fault. Thomas is going to get hurt because of me. I'm nothing but a failure._ They were Virgil's own dark thoughts; thankfully. _These won't affect Thomas as long as I remain focused. Just...focus._

 

Virgil didn't sleep at all that night. He was exhausted but didn't dare let himself relax until the shadows were gone. He wasn't going to let his fears affect Thomas, or the others. This was his burden to bare alone.

 

**********************************************************************************************************************************

 

Deceit|Rage reappeared in the centre of the forgotten forest; it seemed safer than the edge of the mindscape in that moment. Rage released the fusion and slumped down at Deceit's feet; gasping for air, his whole body on fire from over use.

"What...the...heck...was...that?" Rage rolled onto his back and stared up at Deceit, who was now pacing and fidgeting with his sleeves.

"I know. Anxiety is weaker. He couldn't make me speak lies." Deceit paused and looked down at Rage. "That was expected."

 

Rage remained still and processed Deceit's words and nervous body language. Anxiety was strong. Stronger than Deceit had promised after his last trip to the front of Thomas' mind.

 

Thomas had been considering lying to a friend and Deceit took a huge risk transforming into Patton. A risk that sadly didn't pay off as Deceit had promised. Rage could laugh now at how confident Deceit had been that Anxiety was weak and pathetic. He was so confident that they could pay Anxiety back for his deception all those years ago. Instead, they were both exhausted and Deceit was a joke and a villain in Thomas' Sanders Sides videos. Rage quietly wished he had ignored Deceit nonsense fantasies about being a side and stuck to using his influence only when the situation called for it; or playing with the main sides on the odd occasion. Anxiety would be even more vigilant now.

 

"So, what do you want to do now?" Rage turned his head to look at Deceit, who was now leaning against a nearby tree. "Kind of hard to mess with Anxiety if he is stronger than us, so your whole revenge plan is screwed. Do I get to just go back to my usual job?"

"Yes?" growled Deceit, pushing himself away from the tree and standing over Rage. "We won't continue. I have a new plan now, and it is not going to work."

"Do you think I could make my eyes glow and make you tell the truth like Patton and Anxiety?" Deceit glared down at Rage; who shrugged, "You can't really look at Rage with rage, Deceit. Doesn't have the affect you hope for." Feeding off Deceit's anger, Rage sat up and grinned at his now furious friend.

"I really like you right now," hissed Deceit.

"I know you do, buddy. I'm going to go back to the kingdom and lay low for a bit. Good luck with that plan of yours."  Rage sunk out, leaving Deceit alone with his thoughts and the lingering fear Anxiety had left within him. Fuel for his mind to come up with a new plan.

 

 

*************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Patton walked down the hallway to where all the sides doors were. Roman and Logan were in the common area discussing Mulan and which version of the story was better; having already eaten breakfast with Patton.

 

Patton did his usual rhythmic knock on Virgil's door, before standing back to wait for the side to appear; the door had never actually opened before. Patton looked fondly at Virgil's door, despite how plain it looked next to Romans massive oak and gold detailed door. He remembered when Virgil's door really 'developed'.

 

It was grey and didn't have a handle at first. Just a shape on the wall that they all knew was a door, but couldn't access. Then black vines started decorating the door and a frame took shape.

Roman hated it. Thought it took away from the beauty of his royal entry. This was around the time Thomas was entering adolescence. The whole mindscape was in the process of shifting and changing as the sides and various impulses started to take on more powerful forms. The sides were kept busy with many impulses giving Thomas, and them, a hard time. There were so many; they all looked so similar and never stuck around long enough to tell the others their titles. Names were only given to the core sides.

 

When a door knob did finally appear on the door, Logan had been intrigued to meet the newest side, Patton trembled with excitement, and Roman had just wanted the door to disappear.

 

"I don't really want to see the face of all of Thomas' negative thinking. Especially not now that he is an actual main side." Roman grumbled.

"I'm sure that is not all that this side of Thomas is." Logan added, adjusting his glasses. "They are a main facete of Thomas' personality along with the rest of us. Judging by the amount of optimism radiating from Patton, I highly doubt that this side is all negative. And they may be able to help us deal with all the miscellaneous impulses still causing chaos in the mindscape."

"Anyone with that sense of taste is bad in my opi..." Roman was cut off by the sound of laughter behind him.

The three sides turned to see a figure in all black leaning on Roman's door. "Take a look in the mirror, Mr Fancy pants. This style looks like something a Granny would go crazy for."

"Ah. How dare you. I am royalty. You should have respect when addressing Prince Roman."

"Now now, Kiddos. Calm down." Patton did not want his first impression with the new side to go horribly. Watching the two younger sides bicker was not his idea of a good first impression.

"Agreed. This seems like a heated first impression. It is rather unprofessional."

"Right. Let's start again. Just rewind the clock a bit..." Patton started miming being rewound when the side spoke up.

"Back to when? Back to when you were arguing about meeting me or after you all flinched upon seeing me."

"I don't believe I flinched," retorted Logan. "I am not capable of feeling fear or discomfort."

"Sure you're not, Logan." sneered the new side.

"Oh, so you do know who we are?" Roman was becoming irritated by the arrogance of the new side. "You just knowingly insulted me before"

"Obviously. You started it." Roman gasped and grabbed at his chest in mock shock.

"Oh, don't mind Roman. He's silly like that." Patton moved forward to position himself between the two sides. "I'm Patton by the way, and you surely deserve a Pat-on the back for becoming a main part of Thomas' persona.." Virgil disappeared before Patton could touch him and reappeared at his door.

 

The three sides looked around in surprise. They could sink in and out of their rooms, but those rules didn't apply to the common area unless they were summoned. Even then this side hadn't 'sunk', but rather vanished and reappeared behind them.

"Intriguing. How did you do that?" Logan inquired, tilting his head in curiosity.

"I would prefer not to be touched thanks."

"Oh! Sorry." Patton pulled his hands close to his chest; ashamed for upsetting the side.

"What was that, Creepy Poppins?"

"Roman!" Logan and Patton looked at the creative side with disappointment. 

"Well thanks for the welcome, but I've got work to do."

"Wait. But you still haven't told us your name." Patton fidgeted with his hands. This meeting wasn't going as well as the others had.

"Hasn't Princey given you enough ideas to work with?" The side vanished before Patton could reply.

 

 

Patton's mind was brought back to the present as Virgil appeared in front of him. He looked more tired than normal.

"Morning, Virgil. How are you feeling today?"

Virgil shrugged. "Same as usual. What do you need? Wake up calls aren't a normal thing."

"Oh! Well, I thought a family breakfast might be nice after what happened yesterday." Virgil sighed, but nodded at Patton. "Yay! Let's go, Kiddo. I've got a cloud shaped pancake with your name on it."

Virgil smiled, despite his exhaustion _. Maybe breakfast with the others will be a good thing._

Patton skipped into the kitchen to start cleaning, while Virgil went to sit at the table. Patton had been telling the truth, there was literally a stake of cloud shaped pancake with 'Virgil' spelled out in syrup.

 

Roman and Logan were so deep in conversation that they didn't notice Virgil's presence until he was halfway through his breakfast.

"Oh, Virgil. Good morning." Logan was glad to get away from the Mulan debate. Roman was not good at debating...he used no logic in his responses.

"Nice of you to show up, Virgil." Roman turned to face Virgil; fake smile on his lips. "Decided to answer your door this time?"

"Sorry, I didn't realise we had a breakfast appointment. I must've missed that memo." _Princey is in a weird mood today._

"Well that's nothing new. It's not like you came out and helped us yesterday when we knocked. We are all fine by the way."

"Obviously. I saw you yesterday afternoon remember, and you are currently sitting in front of me."

"You know what I meant."

"Calm down, Roman. There is no need to dwell on Virgil's past actions. Arguing now serves no logical purpose."  Logan seemed satisfied as Roman looked away with a defeated huff.

Patton on the other hands was concerned, "I never asked, Virgil," He said as he sat at the table. "was everything ok yesterday? You didn't respond to any of our knocks."

"Leaving us to scare off Rage on our own." Roman added.

 

Logan took in the scene: Virgil looking down at his plate and fidgeting with a piece of pancake, Roman sitting with his arms crossed waiting for a reply, and Patton looking at Virgil in concern. The other two had informed Logan that he had banged on Virgil's door quite violently before they scared Rage away. Logan couldn't think of any reason why Virgil wouldn't have responded to that.

 

"We aren't mad, Virgil." Patton shot Roman a warning glance, before turning back. "We only want to know the truth, Kiddo."

_Patton is in full morality mode right now. I need to be careful with how I answer._ Virgil considered lying or being totally honest. He didn't want the others to know about his relationship with Rage; that would bring up way too many questions. But lying would only fuel Deceit...middle ground seemed like the easiest option.

 

Virgil brought his hands into his lap and started slowly massaging the palm of his hand to keep his breathing level. "I didn't answer because...because I was......IWasScared. Ok?" The others remained silent. _Perfect, it's not a complete lie._ "I was already worked up over the video and screwing up in the common area. I didn't want to talk when I heard Patton knock, and then that...banging...it set me off and I panicked. There. You happy now." Virgil's hand massaging was way too firm to be calming, but it was keeping him grounded at least.

Virgil glanced up to take in the faces of the other sides. Patton looked like he was on the verge of tears; Roman actually looked remorseful; and Logan was neutral. 

 

"Oh Virgil. I am so sorry that that happened to you." Patton wanted to hug Virgil but remained seated to not upset him further.

"I... I am sorry about my rude behaviour, Virgil." _Roman is apologising?? Well that is new._ "I jumped to an unfair conclusion about your actions. It was foolish and unfair."

"Umm. Thank. You." Virgil really wasn't sure how to respond. He had never spoken to the others about this sort of stuff before, and he was still reeling from Roman's apology.

"Your reaction was completely justifiable, Virgil." Logan gave the timid side a small smile. "Considering your already heightened stress levels, it is understandable that you chose not to engage in what was, potentially, a high-risk situation. I certainly don't hold any ills towards you. The situation was resolved regardless."

"Thanks, Lo....I think."

"Thank you for sharing that with us, Virge," smiled Patton.

 

Being in the spot light for so long was starting to stress Virgil out and his massaging and fidgeting were no longer very effective in calming him down. "Well, I have loved this little 'heart to heart' but..." Virgil stood and started walking his dishes to the kitchen to clean them. "I have stuff to do and honestly this is way too much attention for my taste."

The other sides all nodded: "Of course." "Perfectly understandable." "That's fine."

 

As soon as his plate was washed, Virgil vanished back to his room.

"Well I think that went well." Patton and Logan both looked at Roman. "What? We had a bonding moment in the end. That's all that matters, right?"

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. "You can be very narrow minded sometimes, Roman."

"Yes...well. Um... Sorry." Roman was deflated.

"It's ok, Roman. I forgive you." Patton gave Roman a quick hug and then headed for the hall. "Well I'm off. Catch you cool kids next time."

"I should head back to my room too," Roman stood and adjusted his sash. "I have some new script ideas to review for Thomas."

"That sounds appropriate."

The two sides walked down the hall together. Unlike last time, there wasn't any yelling or door slamming once they separated. Roman and Logan bid each other farewell and closed their doors.

 

All appeared calm in the mindscape. That was a good thing, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this, I hope you are getting some form of enjoyment from this story. I have a few more chapters typed up that I am still editing to improve the flow of the story. As they say, your worst critic is yourself.  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> http://snail-giggles.tumblr.com/post/182859579399/sides-of-a-hero


	4. A Nightmare on Impulse Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All appeared calm in the mindscape. That was a good thing, right? 
> 
> Can the mindscape really be calm? Enjoy the tranquillity while it lasts. Deceit and Depression have other plans.

 

Virgil felt much better after he returned to his room following breakfast. There were only a few small shadows waiting for him to review; the usual concerns prior to Thomas' friends coming over. He dealt with them easily and Thomas remained focused on preparing his apartment for the arrival of Talyn and Joan. Virgil went over to his second wardrobe and opened the doors to reveal his section of the imagination kingdom; a changing landscape that he could manipulate.

 

Years ago, Virgil had helped establish the space along with the other roaming impulses. In this space they could influence Thomas safely; until the core sides overpowered them. Now, Virgil was thankful that the space was avoided by the other impulses. They all had their own spaces; even Deceit and Rage had a space, despite not being satisfied with it.

 

Virgil walked through the wardrobes doors to find the space reflected a forest clearing; complete with a calm stream running by. In the centre of the clearing was a drawing table and over the other side of the stream Virgil could see Thomas on his lounge with Joan and Talyn; a simple projection so he could keep tabs on what was happening during the social exchange.  He sat at the desk, pulled on his headphones and started doodling on the paper in front of him.  Virgil let his hand glide over the page and form a variety of patterns and designs; only stopping to process a shadowy thought as they entered his room.

 

It was a surprisingly relaxing day and Virgil was thankful for the unusual reprieve, especially following the previous events. Although concerned that Depression would haunt his dreams again, Virgil still forced himself to sleep that night. Thomas had gone to bed uncharacteristically early and was already asleep; which made sleeping a lot easier for Virgil too.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Deceit walked through the mindscape. The landscape shifting and changing as he passed through the different territories; thinking and contemplating what action to take. He had always been pushed away by the core side, but in the past there were more roaming and lost impulses. Now they all had a place.... And he still felt lost. Deceit was good at his job though. He made sure Thomas was never consciously aware of his more 'negative' impulses.

 

Deceit knew he was needed, important, necessary. Yet he still felt like he didn't belong anywhere in the mindscape. Talking to Depression hadn't improved his mentality.

 

Depression's questions ran through his head - " **Have you ever stopped to consider the reason why you feel so lost, Deceit? Why are you the only impulse without a place? Why did the little nameless impulse get a room and not you?"**

Deceit found himself walking into Virgil's territory and looked around a tree to see the anxious side working at a drawing table; an unusual sight. Depression's questions ran through his mind again and he snuck around Virgil to enter his room and headed to Depression's cage.

 

" ** _I am truly being spoilt with company,_** " Depression cooed as Deceit approached him. **_"A pleasure to see you again, Deceit. Have you had time to consider my proposal?"_**

Deceit shook his head, "Anxiety is much weaker than you promised."

 ** _"Well that is understandable. He does have access to my energy, as well as the excess power held within the seal."_**  
"What do you mean?"

 ** _"The seal on Anxiety's arm, that formed this cage, he took a little extra energy. How else do you think he became a core side?_** "

Deceit looked at the floor, contemplating Depression's words.

 ** _"Get me out of here. I can restore balance to the mindscape. This room was meant to be Anxiety's. A cage that YOU could control. Set me free and I will seal Anxiety in here for you._** "

"How? I just said that Anxiety was weaker than me."  
**_"Give me time. I can weaken, Anxiety. I've found a way to influence his memories with the shadows. All you need to do is rally the free impulses and break the seal. What do you say, Deceit_**?"

 

The sound of Virgil re-entering his room cut Deceit and Depression's discussion short, and Deceit vanished without openly responding. Depression wasn't concerned though. Deceit's body language and visit had just confirmed their alliance. There was only one thing left to do... Break Anxiety down. 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

The next few days went by at a very average pace. The sides mostly remained in their own realms; only coming together to support Thomas with a livestream, a Wal-Mart trip and a writers meeting. Thomas and the sides were working well to respond to Virgil's concerns; even if Roman was still a bit confrontational. Virgil thought for sure that Ego and a couple of other impulses were probably working overtime to make Roman this way. Roman would recognise their influence eventually and calm down; he always did.

 

For Halloween, Thomas had a little gathering and filmed a short video. Somehow, that had turned into the other sides wanting to have a Halloween party in the mindscape. As Virgil could anticipate, it didn’t go smoothly. Logan and Roman spent majority of the time arguing over who the 'real' Frankenstein was. Patton was changing his costume ever few minutes because he thought of an even cuter character. Virgil tried scaring Roman and Logan out of their argument, but only managed to annoy them. However, making Patton scream by conjuring some spiders proved the most effective way to distract the bickering sides. Virgil preferred being scolded than to listen to those two argue.

 

Finally disappearing back to his room, Virgil ditched his vampire outfit and stood in the middle of his room. He had been processing Thomas' shadowy thoughts while he was in Roman's realm for the party; one of the bonuses to having realms so close. There weren't any shadows in the room and yet something felt off. He couldn't sense anyone in the room or that anything had been changed, and yet something still didn't sit right with him. 

 

Deciding sleep probably wasn't the best idea right now, Virgil conjured a small desk in the middle of his room and sat down to draw _. I just have to stay awake until I work out what this feeling is_. As the night dragged on, Virgil felt his eyelids grow heavier and heavier; his movement slowing and his head drooping down periodically. _I can’t sleep now…_ as much as Virgil wanted to stay awake, his body had its own agenda. As his head came down to rest on the drawing table, Virgil gave in to sleep and let his mind go completely blank.

 .

 .

 . 

 ** _“Shall we go for another walk down memory lane, Anxiety.”_** Depression whispered from the cage. He reached a thin hand out from between the bars and rested his palm against the cold concrete floor. He lifted his hand up, pulling a small dark shadow up with him. The shadows had always formed naturally in the room. It was only recently that Depression had discovered he could conjure and manipulate small shadows on occasion. It was the first hint he had gotten that the impulses seal was weakening, and he wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip away.

Depression nudged the little shadow forward. “ ** _Go and remind dear Anxiety of who he was. It seems he has forgotten over the years.”_**

As the shadow floated away Depression laid on the floor of his cage, closed his eyes and smiled. This was going to be a wonderful dream.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

A lone impulse sat in the middle of a dense forest, knees pulled close to his chest and chin resting on top. His heart raced as young Thomas was learning to ride a bike. He had been at the forefront of the mindscape when Bravery had scolded him for being annoying. He didn't mean it. He didn't want to upset anyone, but he just knew Thomas needed to feel...something. He had no idea _who_ he was or what role he was want meant to play.

 

The crunching of leaves under foot alerted the impulse to another's presence.

"What are you?"

The impulse glanced up at the other impulse wearing a black hoodie and grey brown eyes that matched his own. It was like looking in a mirror.

The impulse fiddled with the zipper on his black jacket. "I don't know."

"What do people call you?"

"Normally...Go away. What are you?"

"I don't know either...But if you are GoAway, then I must be StopIt." He extended a hand down to the sitting impulse. "Want to go find a place for us." 

The other impulse sighed and reached up to take the others hand and the two teleported away.

 

Virgil stood in the forest. _What was that?_

**_That was us. Obviously._ **

_Depression? What's going on? What are you doing?_

**_Just helping you remember._ **

The world went dark and Virgil felt himself slip away again.

 

Time sped by as the nameless impulses roamed the mindscape. Ignored or criticised by the more 'positive' impulses at the front of Thomas' mind, the two found themselves at the edge of the mindscape on the cliff. Other impulses visited on occasion. Envy, Greed, Sloth, Lust, Selfishness, Gluttony, Ego, Anger, Impatience, Guilt, indecision, Deceit, Dread, Avoidance, Nervousness, Panic. None of them cared that the two impulses were nameless. They understood that they served a purpose and were important to Thomas.

.

.

.

"We go through this all the time," a young Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at Nervousness. "The swing is perfectly safe, and Thomas' brothers are right there should we require assistance getting down."

"Yeah, but..."

"I want to go higher?" Patton danced around the imagined park. "Let's keep swinging until we get wrapped up around the top!"

"What! No!" Nervousness stumbled backwards into two other impulses that appeared.

"Patton, that is impossible with this kind of swing."

Suddenly young Thomas' laughter turned to screams and cries for help. Patton and Logan froze as the imagined park started to darken and they turned to find a huddle of dark clothed impulses. Thomas' brothers stopped pushing him and Thomas squealed that it was too high.

Patton was nervously bouncing up and down, "I don't feel so good, Logan. What are we going to do? Is Thomas safe?"

"All right. Enough is enough. You all need to get out of here now." Logan looked pointedly at the impulses. "If you are not going to provide anything constructive to this situation then you serve no purpose here." Logan's eyes flashed a deep blue, and the impulses were forced to flee to the cliffs edge.  

 

 

 Impatience was surprised by the sudden arrival of the other three trembling impulses. "Panic, Nervousness, Jacket? What happened at the park?"

"I had it under control until these two arrived." Nervousness pointed at the other two.

"Well I only came because Jacket summoned me," Panic said in a high pitch tone.

"I had to..." he played with the zip of his jacket. "I... I don't know why."

"Helpful as always, Jacket" Impatience commented before walking away. Nervousness and Panic soon followed; leaving 'Jacket' alone once more.

 

He couldn't stay at the cliff for long; the silence was maddening. So, he walked. The mindscape was changing daily, and every day Jacket walked through the many different areas. Sometimes he walked alone but generally he was accompanied by the nameless side, Hood. The two nameless impulses had two jobs. 1. Help Thomas. 2. Find a place where they belonged.

 

 

Virgil found himself watching the two impulses walking through a dark tunnel. **_Oh, I love this part._** Virgil felt sick as he watched the two impulses stop in front of a door that had appeared in the rocky walls.

 

"This is new," Hood commented. "Do you think it is safe?"

Jacket shrugged. He had a bad feeling about the door, but his friend looked so...happy...How could an impulse that was always making others sad, actually be happy.

"Do you think we should open it? I mean... It might be the place we've been looking for. We could find our purpose in there. Or better yet, a name like the core sides."

"Don't let me stop you." Jacket looked at his friend and the two exchanged a small smile.

 

_Stop. I don't want to watch this._

**_Why not?_ **

_Because I have already lived it._

**_So, then what is the harm in living it again._ **

 

Virgil's body shook with fear and shame as he watched the two young impulses. As soon as Hood twisted the doors handle, the door exploded with black fire. The force of the explosion smashed the two impulses against the cave wall and Virgil swore he could feel his skin being cut up again.

"NO!" Virgil slumped to his knees and wrapped his arms tight around his chest, feeling like his heart was about to burst out with the speed it was beating.

**_You did that, Anxiety. Look what YOU DID. I TRUSTED you._ **

Virgil tried to speak but all that came out was chocked sobs. 

 ** _You knew something was off about that door. You knew and yet you still let me open it_**.

Virgil shook his head a willed himself to wake up.

**_You didn't protect me. You couldn't protect me. And soon...You're going to do the same thing to Thomas._ **

 

Virgil screamed in horror and found himself falling off his chair; knocking his head against the floor. He couldn't breathe; despite the fact his chest was clearly moving. He was sad. He was scared. He wanted to run, but he also wanted to hide.

He was still sleeping. He could feel his body on the floor of his room and yet he was still in the cave, watching black flames lick at the stone walls. Depression yelling at him.

Virgil's room responded by darkening further, and his various spiders sunk further into the room’s dark corners; away from the quivering side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my opinion, there is nothing worse than a nightmare based around a memory. They always seem twice as scary as anything my imagination could cook up. 
> 
> What happens when a host has a nightmare? Bigger question, what happens when a core side has a nightmare?


	5. A New Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when a host has a nightmare? Bigger question, what happens when a core side has a nightmare?  
> Roman, Patton and Logan take action when Thomas experiences a nightmare.

Roman sat up suddenly in his bed, feeling a sudden rush of energy surging through his part of the mindscape. With a snap of his fingers he was fully dressed and running through the door that led to the imagination kingdom.

The door took Roman to the top of some castle stairs in his fantasy realm. The normally beautiful kingdom was being hammered by a massive storm with purple lightening. 

Small impulses and imaginary characters were fleeing the village and heading for the castle, which was the only place left untouched by the lightening. Roman hadn't seen a storm of this size since Thomas was very young. That meant Nightmare was back... But that impulsive figment hadn't been around in years. Why was he back now?

 

"Estelle!" Roman called out into the storm. I took only a moment for a silver dragon to emerge from the clouds and land in front of the Prince.

"Prince Roman." Estelle bowed her head in greeting. "We are evacuating the village and bringing everyone to the castle, just like we use to."

"Well done, Estelle. How far has the storm spread? Which territory direction did it come in from?"

"It didn't come from any direction. It just formed right on top of us and has been growing in size since."

"Ok. I need to go and help Thomas. Get all unnecessary characters and creations to fuse together to save on space and ensure all impulses are accounted for. I don't want them to add any more fuel to that storm."

"Understood," Estelle nodded and took flight once again to pass on Roman's instructions.

Roman sunk back to his room and headed for the common area to check on the others. He had a bad feeling that this storm was affecting them too.

 

******************************************************

 

Patton was laughing and chasing Foster, Thomas' dog, through a field of flowers. He was having so much fun, until ... he wasn't. Patton sat up, suddenly feeling very sad about...everything. The positivity of nostalgia all gone, leaving nothing but sadness and heartache.

Patton shook his head and looked around the room as the feeling quickly faded. "Well now, that was not ok."

He got up and headed to the common area. Opening his door and going straight to Logan's office like door and knocking hard and with purpose. Now did not feel like the time for silliness.

 

Logan opened his door, fully clothed, and took in the sight of Patton in his favourite cat onesie. "I take it that you felt the disturbance as well."

Roman suddenly burst through his door. "Are you two okay? I've got a nightmare of a storm thrashing the fantasy realm right now."

"Oh my goodness," Patton gasped. "Is that why happy time with Foster was cut short?"

"I did sense a sudden increase in Thomas' heart rate. But why is Thomas having a nightmare? We haven't had issues with Nightmare in years."

"That was my question too, Captain Obvious. We need to wake Thomas up. We can look for the Nightmare King later."

The three sides sunk out to visit Thomas without another word.

 

They rose up in Thomas' bedroom, to find their host curled up on his side clutching his blankets close to his chest.

Patton went straight to Thomas and started gently shaking his shoulder. "Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey." Thomas tensed up further but did not wake.

"Wake up time, Sleeping Beauty." Roman added, pushing Thomas' bangs up off of his face and felt a collection of sweat on his forehead. Roman looked at Logan with concern. "Something definitely isn't right, Lo."

"Move," Logan instructed and the two sides moved so he could sit in front of the host. He rested a hand on Thomas' forehead; his eyes flared dark blue. "Wake up, Thomas."

Thomas' eyes flew open and he gasped; at the same time Virgil appeared, crashing at the foot of the bed.

"Virgil!" Patton rushed to Virgil's aid, along with Logan.

Thomas sat up and Roman grabbed him by the shoulders to force the very confused host to look at him. "Are you ok, Thomas?"

Thomas was breathing heavily but nodded. "Yeah... I'm. I'm fine. I just... I couldn't wake up. Is... Is Virgil ok?"

 

 

 

Virgil's vision was blurred, and his breathing was sharp and shallow. He could sense that there were others around him, but all he could hear was the sound of his own racing heart. His head ached where he recalled hitting it on the floor. _I'm a terrible person. I hurt my friend. I'm going to hurt the others. Thomas is going to get hurt and it will be all my fault. It should be me locked up in the cage._

 

"Virgil! Come on Kiddo. You're safe now." Patton was terrified looking at the trembling Virgil; his arms were wrapped so tightly around his chest Patton thought he was going to leave bruises for sure. He pulled Virgil over, so his head was resting in his lap and saw the cut on Virgil's temple; a thin blood trail ran down his face. "L.. Lo.. Logan?"

 

Logan knelt in front of Patton and took in the situation, noticing the vacant look in Virgil's eyes. He pried one of Virgil's hands free and rested it against his chest; focusing on keeping his own breathing steady and his heart rate normal. "Virgil. I need you to slow your breathing down. We're going to do it together, ok. Breathing with me."

 

Virgil was so scared. He couldn't hear or see clearly and felt trapped in his own personal prison. Then he felt his hand being moved and resting on something warm and soft. He focused on that and only that, pushing all other thoughts away and only thinking about what he was feeling. Up...down...up...down. He started to hear the faint sound of Logan's voice; slowly counting and encouraging Virgil to follow.

 

"You're doing great, Virge." Patton held one hand over Virgil's cut; eyes flaring light blue as he willed the blood away and sealed up the cut. "Roman, can you conjure an ice-pack for me?"

Thomas had crawled to the foot of his bed and was watching over his sides. He looked over to Roman who was standing over Patton. The creative side knelt next to Patton and made an ice-pack appear and handed it to him.

"Thanks, Ro. I can heal the cut, but he'll still have a bruise."

Roman nodded, "I haven't seen any one get hurt outside of the imagination kingdom. I'm used to just snapping my fingers and fixing everything."

"Virgil will be fine. I cut myself in the kitchen all the time. No scar, guaranteed."

 .

.

.

Virgil blinked, and the room slowly came into focus and his head began to clear, as if he was walking out of a cloud of fog. Patton felt Virgil's body slowly begin to relax and sighed in relief. 

Satisfied that Virgil's heart rate and breathing were back to normal, Logan took Virgil's hand away from his chest. "You seem to be back in control now, Virgil. How are you feeling?"

_Like a burden._ "Mostly confused." Virgil's voice came out deep and distorted, a true sign that he had lost control. "Sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Patton moved so Virgil could sit up.

He grimaced as his head ached and the room spun briefly.

"Take it easy." Thomas reach down and put a hand on Virgil's shoulder, steadying him. "I think you hit your head when I accidently summoned you. Sorry about that."

"What?" _He didn't hurt me... I hurt myself. Should I tell them that?_

"You should put the ice-pack back on your head. Patton healed the cut, but bruising is still likely to occur. Applying an ice-pack will reduce swelling and support your recovery," Logan commented.

"Why don't you come and make yourself comfortable up on my bed, instead of sitting on the floor." Thomas offered.

"I don't want to burden you guys." His voice still sounded distorted and that did not help Virgil feel any better. "I'll just go back to my room and sleep it off."

"That is not an appropriate response to this situation." Logan interjected. "While I understand that you prefer to avoid social situations and feel uncomfortable with being the sole focus of our attentions, I must advise against being alone at this time. You have suffered a head injury, which could have further implications on your general health, and the mindscape was just attacked by Nightmare. Judging from the state you were in when Thomas accidentally summoned you, the attack appears to have affected you directly; which is also a cause for concern."

"Slumber party in Thomas' room!" cried Patton, "I'm going to grab snacks." Patton sunk out before Logan could interject.

 

Virgil sighed and slowly stood; using Logan to steady himself when the world spun briefly. Roman conjured additional pillows and beanbags so they could all sit comfortably. By the time Patton returned, Thomas, Virgil and Roman were propped up on the bed watching 'Parks and Rec' on Thomas' laptop and Logan was sitting on a beanbag reading a book.

"I brought cookies," beamed Patton.

"That's great Pat," Thomas acted excited, despite the fact that Patton's cookies wouldn't actually make him feel full or anything. He gestured towards another beanbag. "Get comfy."

"Actually," Roman slid off the bed and stood. "You can take my spot, Patton. I need to go and check on the kingdom now that the storm has passed. I can't leave Estelle to do all the work. I'll come back when I'm done."

They all nodded and Roman sunk out.

 

Virgil swallowed the lump of guilt rising in his throat. He had really let his guard down _. I should have been more vigilant. I knew Depression was active. I should have been looking into strengthening the seal. I caused the storm in the kingdom. Any damage done there is all my fault._

 

Logan noticed Virgil starting to tense up again. "Everything will be fine, Virgil." Virgil turned to look at Logan; who appeared to still be reading his book casually. "The nightmare has passed and Roman will have the kingdom back to normal in no time. No further harm will come to you now. We are here to ensure that."

Virgil nodded, still too afraid to speak. _Either you will protect me.... Or... I'll end up hurting all of you. I hope you're right though, Logan. I really hope you are right._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a short chapter, but it just happened that way.
> 
> Just a little back story: Logan making Virgil feel his heart to calm down was based on a real situation. I was trying to help this girl calm down and she leant against my chest and I was just talking and trying to tell her to slow her breathing down. I later learnt that she couldn't hear a word I was saying but feeling my heart beat and focusing on my breathing helped her calm down.  
> It is interesting how many ways there are to respond to these types of things. So...Yeah. The way my Virgil acts (and how the others react) are based on some stuff from the Sanders Sides videos, a sprinkling of my own personal experience, and a dash of experiences from people I know.


	6. Lost Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil explores another memory with Depression. Will it end with another storm? 
> 
> Thomas and his sides need to work out what happened, and to do that they need Virgil to talk. Can Virgil find a way to communicate with the others, or will he avoid the topic as per usual?

Virgil fell asleep. Even though he desperately wanted to avoid sleeping again. One second, he was watching Roman re-enacting how he had saved Estelle from a falling tree branch - a totally believable tale of course - and the next he was watching a younger form of himself sitting by the edge of a pool.

 

**_I didn't expect you to fall asleep so soon, Anxiety. I must say I am surprised._ **

_I surprise even myself some days._

**_Interesting memory you have chosen. What happens in this nightmare?_ **

_What are you talking about? You're the one controlling this stuff._

Depression laughed. **_Not this time. This is all you._**

_Suure. I find that hard to believe._

**_Believe what you will. What were you at this stage? GoAway? Jacket? Annoying?_ **

_Well... Judging by the age of Thomas, I think I was...._

 

"Would you get out of here!" Bravery yelled from the other side of the imagined pool.

"We are trying to learn, and that is very hard to do when you are here." Logan stood next to Bravery in a large sun hat.

"Why don't we battle a sea witch and ignore the little nobody," commented a very young Imagination, that swam in the pool around Thomas. _Not his most creative name._

"Ooo, I know," Patton floated past Imagination in a blue floating ring. "Lets play tag with Patrick and Christian."

"You can't play tag in a swimming pool, Patton. We can chase a mermaid instead of battling a sea witch if you want."

"No, we need to stay in the shallows and focus on improving out swimming competence."  
"He'll never learn anything if he doesn't step out of his comfort zone. We should try and swim out deeper."

The sides and impulses continued calling out over each other; each with their own ideas for how Thomas should be spending his time.

**_And they said that the nobody was spoiling their swim._ **

_Yeah..._

 

Virgil watched as Imagination crafted a school of golden fish that started swimming around the pool. Patton, Imagination and Thomas chased the fish around while Logan and Bravery continued to argue at the pools edge. Thomas was moving further away from the pools edge, too enthralled in his game to register that he was beginning to tire.

The young Virgil looked around the scene in concern. Christian had just left the pool, Patrick was doing his own thing, and Dad had just turned to respond to one of Mums questions. No one was watching Thomas in that moment, as his head dipped below the water.

 

**_So, you have always just watched people you care about get hurt then?_ **

 

Time seemed to slow as Virgil watched the young version of himself vanish and appear in the water next to Thomas. He could remember every millisecond of that moment. Telling Thomas to keep moving; heart pounding as he willed Thomas not to stop.

Thomas flailed and finally resurfaced, gasping for air and reaching for the pool edge that was now a lot closer.

Thomas' family were quick to react and check on Thomas; assuring him he was fine and encouraging him back to the shallow end of the pool.

The surrounding sides and impulses reacted just as quickly, only they came to chastise the nameless impulse.

"What were you doing?"

"Thomas was so scared. Why did you scare him?"

"Now look what you've done."

"Thomas almost drowned because of you."

"What is the point of you if you're not going to help, Thomas."

"Why would you do something like that?"

“Didn't I tell you to leave Thomas alone? Get out of here.”

 

There was a flash of blue and Virgil blinked. He was back at the cliff; standing next to his young, wet and shivering self.

A young Depression came out from the shadows of the forest and put an arm around the quivering impulse. "I heard you almost drowned Thomas today. Wanna talk about it?" The other impulse shook his head. "Ok then... Why don't we go to the waterfall in the kingdom? We can hide in the wet caves and pretend it's our own room." With a small nod, the two impulses vanished, and Virgil was left alone on the cliff.

 

_You're surprisingly quiet, Depression. I thought you were enjoying this memory stuff._

**_They all blamed you for that incident._ **

_Yeah._

**_But it was really the main sides fault._ **

_What? No... I.._

**_They blamed and criticised you, and the rest of us negative impulses, when it was really their own fault. If you had spoken up, then maybe they wouldn't have been so hard on us. IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT WE HAD TO STAY HIDDEN AWAY. IT WAS YOUR FAULT. YOUR FAULT. YOUR FAULT._ **

 

Virgil covered his ears, but he couldn't block out Depression's words.

"Virgil?"

.

.

.

 

Virgil blinked and tried to register the time based on the amount of light in the room. The other sides were nowhere in sight and he was leaning on Thomas' shoulder to keep the ice-pack on his head.  

"Virgil?" _Thomas' voice. That was what pulled me back._ "Are you ok? You looked like you were in pain."

Virgil sat up, letting the ice-pack fall from Thomas' shoulder, and cupped his face in his hands. He groaned, mainly just to test if his voice was back to normal. "Sorry if I worried you."

"No, no. It's fine. But... Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." Thomas didn't look convinced. "Ok... My head is a little bit sore, but it's no big deal or anything... Stop looking at me like that."

Thomas looked away. "I promised to summon the others once you woke up. Are you ok if I call them or do you want me to wait a bit?"

Virgil sighed. _Better to get this over and done with now._ "Sure. Whatever."

 

The three sides were summoned to Thomas' lounge room to find Thomas sitting cross legged on the lounge and Virgil in his favoured corner of the lounge. After two minutes of Patton fussing over Virgil's head; Logan was finally able to direct the group to the focus of the discussion.

 

"As you are all aware, the mindscape was attacked by one of Nightmare's storms last night.  While this is not an uncommon occurrence, the size and effect of the storm was extremely out of character and something that has not been seen since Thomas' youth."  
"Does this mean that every time I've had a bad dream, the kingdom was hit by a storm?" Thomas inquired, concern laced his voice at the thought of damaging the kingdom.

"No. There is a difference between a bad dream and a nightmare."

"In the Dream Realm they craft good and bad dreams using a combination of memories and imagination." Roman explained. "You access these when you sleep, though you may not remember all of them. A dream, good or bad, aims to guide you in some way. Encouraging creativity, reminding you of something or even warning you about something. All of us," Roman gestured to the other three sides, "contribute to these dreams to a certain degree. But you know the best dreams come from me."

 

Logan ignored Roman’s final comment and continued with his explanation. "In comparison, the 'dreams' caused by Nightmare serve no purpose other than to instil fear. These nightmares also tend to be more emotionally disturbing and intense; generally causing the dreamer to wake suddenly."  
"But, Thomas didn't wake up last night." Patton looked concerned. "Roman and I couldn't wake him up and you had to wake him, Logan."

"What?" Thomas looked at his sides, worry rising in his chest as Virgil started to comprehend what had happened. "What do you mean Logan had to wake me?"

 

Logan let out a long sigh. "I used my 'influence' to make you wake up." Thomas stared at Logan and gave him a small nod, encouraging him to continue. "To put it simply, all aspects of your being have some kind of influence over you. I am a fusion of your rational thinking, curiosity, conformity and general knowledge of the world around you. On our own, we each had a very particular influence over you. These aspects, over time, fused together to form me; your logical side. However, I can 'tap into' specific influences and temporarily enhance their..."

"His eyes flash blue and he uses Conformity to make you do as you are told," Virgil's voice was deep and laced with anger. He had been on the receiving end of Logan's conformity many times before he became a side and it wasn't something he enjoyed.

"Yes... That is a very simplified explanation." Logan chose to ignore Virgil's questionable tone; tabling a few questions that he would ask Virgil later. "We all have these abilities, though I prefer not to use it now. It can be straining, and I prefer not to put myself under any unnecessary strain."

"So, you all have this ability to 'enhance' your influence over me?"

"That is correct."

"We don't usually use this against you though, Thomas," Roman added. "It generally helps us to, um... 'deal with' any impulse that attempts to tip the balance of the mindscape."  
"Like a protective superpower," Patton added. "Integrity use to help me all the time when Deceit would come into my room. Cheeky thing was always sneaking around when you were younger."

"Wow. I knew you guys were a fusion of different aspects of my personality, but I had no idea that they were each so powerful." Thomas was beaming and felt truly excited to be learning so many new things about himself. "What is your power, Roman?"

"What power you ask? Why, you see it all the time, Thomas." Roman looked shocked that Thomas would even ask such a thing. "I am always conjuring things for you guys. That doesn't come easy you know."  
"But your eyes don't glow... And I've seen the others conjure things to. Can't you all do that?"

Roman gasped, "How dare you. My eyes are permanently glowing orbs of beauty and the things I conjure are physical works of art, not the faint, half done, monstrosities these guys create. I can't believe you would ever doubt me, Thomas."

"Oh my gosh, I am sorry Roman. I didn't mean any offence..." Thomas really wasn't sure if he had seriously offended the creative side, or if he was using his acting skills against him. Either way, he wanted to keep the conversation moving. "Ah... Um... Virgil. Virgil, what can you do? What impulses do you use?"

Virgil was curled in a tight ball in the corner, hood pulled low to hide his face. "Aren't we meant to be discussing the nightmare?" He was trying hard to not let his discomfort surrounding the topic affect Thomas. His earlier influence was being over shadowed by Thomas' curiosity. Virgil would normally be grateful for that, but not when it encouraged this sort of discussion.  

 

"I agree with Virgil. We need to get back to the matter at hand," Logan adjusted his glasses, taking in Virgil's body language and tabling a few more questions for later. "The concern is that Nightmare’s storm did not come from a particular area of the mindscape; instead forming right in the centre of the fantasy realm and growing in size at a very rapid rate."  
"I could sense it's energy from my room before any of my citizens could come and fetch me." Roman looked at Thomas with worry in his eyes.  
"It pulled all the happiness out of the memory I was visiting." Patton added sadly.

"Even I was woken from my slumber at the sudden increase of your heart rate. It was quite concerning." Logan looked between Thomas and Virgil. "What do the two of you recall about the nightmare."

Thomas shrugged, "I can't fully remember it. I know how I was feeling, but I can't remember hearing or seeing anything."  
"What did you feel?"

"Sad. Really sad. Like... Like I just let somebody down." Virgil's whole body went rigid as he processed Thomas' words. _He was feeling what I felt!_ "... And everything hurt. As if a cat with flaming paws just scratched up my whole body."

"What a terrifyingly adorable image." Patton squeaked.

"Interesting," Logan looked over to Virgil. "What happened in your room, Virgil?"

 

Virgil's mind raced as he worked to process the information he had just received; while trying to remain in control. _Thomas felt all of that. Breath. He was stuck in that memory with me. In for 4. Hold for 7. Depression can bring out Nightmare. Out for 8. How can I stop that from happening again?_

"Hey, Storm Cloud." Roman snapped his fingers in Virgil's face, "Are you still with us here?"

"Nothing," mumbled Virgil. "Nothing happened." _I need to find out how Depression did this. In for 4. hold for 7._

"Oh, sure." Roman replied sarcastically. "You always show up in the middle of a panic attack." Thomas shot Roman a discouraging look.

_Out for 8._ "I'm anxiety. It's normal"

"Falsehood. That is not something that has occurred on a regular occasion."

"Maybe I've just been really good at hiding it." _I need to get out of here._

"Aww, Virgil!" Patton gasped, "Why didn't you say something? I would have come and helped you if you had asked."  
_You can't help me._ "I don't need your help."

"Sure, looked like you didn’t need help yesterday."  
"Roman!" Thomas snapped, " Not helping. What is going on, Virgil?"

"Nothing." _They can't help me. This is my responsibility._

"Research shows that talking to others is beneficial. In this case, talking will help us with the Nightmare issue and support your mental health. You need to tell us what happened."

"I don't **have to** tell you anything." _Stop acting like you control me._

 

 

"Ok. Stop." Thomas put his hands up to silence all of the sides. "We aren't being fair on Virgil. This is a bit of an uncomfortable situation. If I'm feeling this uncomfortable, then I know Virgil is definitely feeling the same; probably worse." Thomas moved to kneel in front of Virgil. "I want to know what happened just as much as the others, but I understand if you don't want to talk about it. You don't have to tell us everything. Gosh, you don't even need to tell all of us if you don't want to. But... " Virgil looked at Thomas through the curtain of hair in front of his eyes. "I want you to talk to someone and let someone listen to you. It is better to talk about our problems, rather than keeping them to ourselves. Trust me. That's how I started accepting you in the first place."

 

Virgil sighed and couldn't stop the small smile that crept across his lips. _I was so stuck in my own head, I forgot to heed my own advice. Idiot._ "Ok. I don't like it, but ok."

"Well ok then... So, how do you want to do this?"

 

Virgil felt his throat tighten. He knew Thomas had a point and he did need to talk to at least get them all to back off a bit. _Who am I meant to talk to? Patton will start pandering me again if I talk to him. Roman and I will probably just end up insulting each other. I really don't want to freak Thomas out any more than he already has been._ Virgil glanced in Logan's direction and swore the sides eyes flashed blue. He felt sick as he recalled the feeling of Logan using his influence against him. _What is the lesser of four evils?_

 

Roman sighed loudly, expressing his impatience to the group.

"Really?" Logan commented. "Could you not have been subtler?"

"Oh, I could have, but I chose not to be."

Thomas was about to chastise Roman for being rude, when he vanished from the living room along with Virgil. "Oh! Well, I guess Virgil made a decision."  
"What? To finally dispose of Roman?"  
"Now, Logan. The only thing those two are going to dispose of is their negative feelings." Patton smiled, hopeful that the young sides would work out some of their issues.

 

Thomas sat on the lounge and fidgeted with his hands. "I have a bad feeling about this, guys. Are they going to be alright?"

"Virgil picking Roman does seem to defy all... Me. But I don't believe any harm will come to either of them."  
"Ok. I should really go and actually get ready to do something productive for the day."

"Sounds like an excellent idea. We will be sure to inform you when we have located Nightmare. Best of luck today, Thomas" Logan sunk out.

"I'll catch you later, alligator," giggled Patton as he to sunk out.

Thomas took a deep breath in and slowly blew it out; feeling relief in being in an empty room. Talking to the sides was often just as exhausting as having a group of friends over.

 

************************************************************************************************

 

Roman found himself on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a dark cavern and a beautiful blue sky. He had never been to the edge of the mindscape before and was utterly unprepared for the magnificent sight set out before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those wonderful people that have been leaving little comments. It is fun to read and reply to them all. 
> 
> Also, I would love to attempt to draw the cliff edge one day. The image I have in my head is so vivid and I really wish I could share it with the world. I think it comes from when I was on my first ever cruise last year. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the people and my friend and I went out to one of the little side desks. No one was around, and the lighting was perfect to look out over the seemingly endless horizon. It was pure bliss; which is how I imagine the impulses feel.... they just ignore the lingering darkness though.


	7. Looking over the Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman visits the edge of the mindscape for the first time. Him and Virgil hang out on the cliff - Like true cliff-hangers :-P
> 
> Virgil knows it is neutral territory and core sides aren’t meant to be there, but it felt like the right place to talk. Hopefully it was the right decision.

"What glorious part of the kingdom is this? I have never seen something so terrifyingly beautiful." Roman looked out over the cliff in total awe.

"This isn't part of your kingdom, Princey." Virgil was lying near the edge of the cliff with his feet dangling over the edge, swinging gently.  "This is the edge of the mindscape. Neutral territory."

"What is in the darkness?" Roman looked down into the endless black.

"Dunno. Why don't you jump in and find out."  
"Very funny."

 

The two sides sat in silence on the cliff for a while. Roman marvelling at the beauty of the scene in front of him, and Virgil collecting his thoughts and enjoying a silent Roman.

_I guess I made the right choice bringing him here._

"I gotta say," Roman conjured a large pillow and laid back, staring up at the sky that was slowly being decorated with fluffy, white clouds. "I am quite surprised that you did this. Never thought you would choose me to have a heart to heart with."

"Don't feed your ego too much. You were the lesser of four evils."

"Meh. A win is a win."  
"Whatever." Virgil glanced sideways at Roman. _He's surprisingly less annoying when he hasn't got an audience. He hasn't even called me any names yet._

_**That's because he doesn't know you caused the storm.** _

 

Virgil inhaled sharply and clenched his fists at the sound of Depression's voice.

Roman noticed Virgil's sudden discomfort but chose not to react. He may have been slightly self-centred, but he wasn't entirely heartless. Virgil had chosen to talk to him and trusted him enough to bring him to a part of the mindscape he had never visited before. He would do his best to be patient with the side; he would talk when he was ready.

 

**_You caused the storm that damaged Roman's kingdom. Why would he trust you after you tell him that?_ **

_I didn't cause it. You caused it. You're the one that was manipulating me._

**_You are still the one who made the storm._ **

_Nightmare made it. Not me._

**_You can tell yourself that, Anxiety, but that doesn't make it true._ **

 

"Roman."  
"Still here."

"The storm... It was... It was my fault." Roman didn't move, so Virgil continued. "Nightmare... He..." _He is a part of me._ "He was in my room." _Not a complete lie. Bet Deceit is happy._ "I had a bad dream, which isn't anything new really, but... Nightmare must have... Taken control of my dream to craft the storm. That's why it didn't come from any of the imagination realms. It came straight from my room. Straight from me."

"Is that why you were panicking when Thomas summoned you?" Roman kept his voice level and as calm as possible to encourage Virgil to continue.

"Yeah. What Thomas described. How he felt..." Virgil's breathing pace increased slightly, but he still had control. "That was what I was feeling... I couldn't wake up. Not even when I felt myself fall... I hit my head in my room. I kind of remember that... I just couldn't wake up, Roman... He wouldn't let me wake up and... And it's all my fault."

 

"Ah, no it isn't." Roman was sitting up and looking down at Virgil. "You can't blame yourself for that. Did you want Thomas to have a nightmare?"

"No, but..."  
"Were you trying to attack my kingdom?"  
"No, but I caused..."

"Then you are NOT to blame, Virgil. YOU didn't want any of that to happen."  
"Yeah but it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me."

"So? Did we blame Patton for when Deceit tricked us?"

"No, but that wasn't Patton's fault."  
"No? Didn't Deceit pretend to be Patton? Deceit manipulated me, and Patton didn't show up. He would have known that we had gone up to see Thomas. If he had shown up, Deceit wouldn't have been able to trick us."

"You can't blame Patton. It was Deceit who tricked us, not him."

Roman gave Virgil a knowing look, "maybe you should listen to your own logic, instead of being such a Negative Nancy towards yourself." 

 

Virgil contemplated Roman's words in silence before turning to him and smiling. "You are surprisingly smart." He snapped his fingers and a pair of glasses covered in black diamonds appeared on Roman's eyes. "You sounded like Logan for a moment there."

"OH, HOW DARE YOU," Roman feigned offence in the most dramatic tone he could muster. He conjured a handheld mirror to review his reflection. "I am way better looking compared to Nerdy Quinn. I do appreciate these specs though."

Virgil let out a small laugh and sat up, watching as Roman tapped the glasses to tint the lenses and enhance the general look and quality. "Stylin' glasses, Ro."

"Thanks. I stole them from some emo kid."

 

The two sides looked back out over the cliff; the darkness seemed to have dropped lower.

"I could get use to a view like this," Roman commented, leaning back on his hands.

"Don't make a habit out of visiting here."

"Afraid I would make the view even better?"

Virgil made a sound of disgust. "No… It isn't really a place for core sides."

 

"You're not meant to be here, Anxiety."

 

Virgil and Roman turned to see a chubby looking Thomas in a red and black striped shirt.

"Greed." Virgil locked eyes with the impulse, "I would love to say it is good to see you..."

"But that would be the truth." Deceit entered the clearing, "Right, Anxiety?" 

Virgil stood and moved in front of Roman. "Seeing you guys is always a highlight of my days. I write about it in my journal."

 

Roman stood but found himself speechless. There was an energy in the air that he hadn't felt before and he was uncertain of how to respond.

 

"Bet you wrote a lot in your journal the other day, Anxiety." Rage appeared next to Deceit.

"Oh, he did." Deceit responded. "I read it all. It was fantastic. A true work of literary art."

"Virgil, what are they talking about?" Roman asked.

Virgil ignored Roman's question, focusing instead on the many other impulses he could sense were heading towards the cliffs edge. "Sorry. I didn't realise the impulses were having a mothers meeting here."  
"You didn't get an invite, Anxiety?" Mocked Deceit, acting overly apologetic. "Oh, I must have missed you when I was sending out the invitations. I am very sorry. I will endeavour to ensure it does not happen again."

 

"Well, it was great to see you all but I'm going to take Roman back to the kingdom now."

"Don't go now, Anxiety." came an unknown voice.

"Yeah," another voice came from behind the two sides, and they turned to see another impulse had appeared behind them. "Let's reminisce about old times. We have a lot to catch up on."  
 

"Alright!" Roman said firmly, conjuring his sword into his hands. "You all need to back up a bit."  
The impulses voices came from multiple directions. "Why?" "You don't hold power here." "This is neutral space." "You have no influence over us." "Where are the others?" "Let Anxiety stay. We have questions." "Conjure something else for us, Roman." "How is Depression?" "Let's play a game with Roman." "How's the room going, Anxiety?" "Did you ever find Guilt?" "Where is Patton and Logan?"

 

Roman tried to sink out but found he couldn't. He had never seen so many impulses outside of the kingdom. In his realm his imagined creatures and citizens outnumbered the impulses. Despite these impulses not having much power, Roman still felt powerless and confused. Why were they all using his name, but only called Virgil Anxiety?

"Virgil? What is happening?" Roman's voice came out small. That scared Virgil more than the whole scene.

_There are too many of them. Where did they all come from?_

"Close your eyes." Virgil hissed at Roman, who complied despite his confusion.

 

"That is enough!" Virgil's eyes flared purple and a circular shadow stretched out from around his feet, surrounding him and Roman. The other impulses quickly backed away. Virgil's arm burned where Depression's seal was, as he used his old friend's energy to cancel out the impulses influence. _I'll deal with the consequences later. I need to get Roman away from here._

"I'm sorry for the intrusion; that's on me. I shouldn't have brought Roman here. We're leaving, now."

 

Virgil, Roman and the shadow all vanished. Deceit dropped to his knees and majority of the impulses vanished. Illusions he had crafted. Rage moved to sit next to his friend, providing him with something to lean against while he caught his breath.

 

"That was very unexpected," Vanity commented, only glancing at the others through the reflection of his handheld mirror. "Anxiety shouldn't be able to do that."  
"Yes he should." Deceit took a deep breath in, "He made me lie in his room. He's too weak and it makes perfect sense."

"Do you believe us now?" Rage asked the two impulses. "Do you agree to help us?"

"So, let me just make sure I fully understand this again." Greed moved to stand in front of Deceit and Rage. "Anxiety tricked you into helping him seal this 'Depression' impulse away. Then he used that stored power to make himself a core side before eventually kicking you out of the safe space. But you're not jealous or anything, you just think he is getting too powerful; which I admit I agree with, and you think he is going to harm Thomas."

"That is it in a nut shell." Rage looked up at Greed, "You saw what he can do."

"Are you sure you're not just jealous of what you can't have," commented Vanity. "The mindscape has been fine all this time and the other core sides don't seem concerned."

 

Rage felt heat rising inside of him. Everyone said he was jealous, but he couldn't be jealous. Envy was GONE. He couldn't be envious if ENVY didn't exist.

"You saw that storm in the kingdom last night! Anxiety lost control and Thomas was stuck in a Nightmare! He was the one that said Depression needed to be locked up because he wasn't safe, now he is becoming just as dangerous. Just think of what he could do if he keeps getting stronger. Maybe Depression wasn't the dangerous one. It could have been Anxiety the whole time. Anxiety probably isn't even his real title."

"Chill out, Rage. It really just sounds like you're reachin' a lot. I don't see how releasing Depression will change anything. I certainly can't see how any of this will help me at all." Vanity put down his mirror and looked at Rage with disinterest.

"This isn't just about us as individuals, this is about all of us impulses. Anxiety stole the room that was meant to be ours. That was our place."  
"Sorry, Rage, but I'm not buying what you are selling. It was fun to watch you play with Prince Roman, but I am happy with my place in the kingdom. Toodles." Vanity waved and vanished back to the kingdom.

Rage looked at Greed, waiting to hear his thoughts. Surely Greed would jump at the chance to have more influence in the mindscape.

"I'm with Vanity. I don't see any harm in all of this. From what I've heard, it sounds like messing with Depression and Anxiety is only going to cause trouble. I've got my place in Patton's section of the mindscape. You two are just taking greed and jealousy to a whole new level. Leave this alone, guys; before _you_ turn into the danger."

"We didn't need you anyway," Deceit spat.

"Ain't that the truth." Greed vanished.

 

All the fire left Rage's body at Greed's words and he started to question his own motives. The other impulses did have a point and he was generally happy in the mindscape; until Deceit inevitably found him with a new plan to gain attention.

"Maybe they have all got a point, Dee. Do we really need to pursue all of this? Maybe letting Depression out isn't such a good thing."  
"Do you like feeling weak and being connected to that traitor?"

"No! I hate it. I can feel that part of me missing. But..."

"So lets not let Anxiety hold up the seal on his own."  
Rage looked at Deceit questionably. "Are you stupid or something? I just said I don't think we should let Depression out. The other impulses are against it and even the two sceptics have both agreed it's a bad idea."  
"We will break all the seals. Ego and Lust's seals don't exist... Right? Three seals won't be enough. You've seen how weak Anxiety is."

"So, we only take back our seals?"

"Anxiety won't be able to hold it with three seals. Sure, the cage may be a little bit stronger; but that will affect us."

Rage pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hate you. I truly, truly hate the way you speak."  
"Oh, you hate it."  
Rage growled. "Are you sure the cage won't break? I don't want to be on the receiving end of the other impulses anger if something goes wrong. They have all made their thoughts perfectly clear."

"Rage, would I lie to you?"  
"All you _can_ do is lie... Guess that makes you the most truthful... Fine. I'm on board with breaking our seals. But..." Rage looked directly into Deceit's eyes, “if it looks like Depression is getting out _or_ Thomas is in danger, I am out! Got it?"  
Deceit shook his head, a smile on his lips. Despite all the setbacks, he was still going to get what he wanted.

 

*****************************************************************

 

Virgil and Roman appeared in the hall of the common area. Virgil slumped heavily against the wall between Patton and Logan's doors; arm burning, head swimming, chest aching as he heaved in big breaths of air.

"Virgil?!" Roman called, still brandishing his sword in front of him. "Can I open my eyes?"

"Y.. Yeah," Virgil breathed.

Roman opened his eyes in time to see Virgil's legs give way and he slid to the floor. Roman dropped his sword and moved to help Virgil just as Logan's door opened.

"What is going on out..." Logan saw Roman leaning over a semiconscious Virgil, sword discarded nearby. "Shit! Roman, what did you do?"

"Shut up and help me," Roman growled, offended that Logan would ever assume that he would hurt Virgil. He would have loved to question Logan's comment further, but Virgil was more important in that moment. His ego could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked last chapters Cliffhanger...you'll love this one :-P 
> 
> Or you'll hate it. I can't tell you how to feel. I hold no power over you. 
> 
> I am having so much fun writing this. I've gone well beyond what I originally hand wrote months ago. There may be bigger gaps in chapter uploads from this point on (not too big I hope).


	8. Jumping to Conclusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman can ignore Logan’s comment; in hindsight, it did look like he injured Virgil. He had his sword out and everything; it was an easy conclusion to jump to.   
> The three sides help Virgil before discussing what happened at the cliff edge. There is much to discuss and a few conclusions to jump to…. but that is not a good habit to get into.

Roman came up to Virgil's left and pulled his arm around his own shoulder. Virgil did his best to get his legs to cooperate and help him stand; his arm screaming in pain as he put pressure on the seal.

Logan appeared on his other side, looping Virgil's other arm around his shoulders. "I believe carrying him will be the safest option."

 

Virgil held on to the two sides shoulders, while Roman and Logan each linked one arm each behind Virgil's back and used their other arms lift his legs up. Roman and Logan remained silent as they moved towards the lounge of the common area; stopping briefly so Roman could kick Patton's door to get the sides attention.

As they entered the living room, Roman increased the size of the lounges chaise so it was long enough for them to lay Virgil across comfortably.

 

"Now, would you kindly explain what is going on." Logan asked, looking at Roman.

"Hey! Is everything ok? I heard a thump on my..." Patton entered the room and froze. "What happened to Virgil?"

Virgil was on the lounge; his breathing laboured, face pale and shimmering with sweat. Roman stood to his left, appearing very shaken; while Logan stood to Virgil's right staring questioningly at Roman.

"I had just asked Roman the same thing." Logan stepped aside to give Patton space to sit next to Virgil.

 

The caring side carefully checked Virgil for any signs of physical injury; only just registering that he had seen Roman's sword lying in the hall and fearing the worst. He was thankful to not see any cuts or blood.

"I'm not entirely sure what happened," Roman admitted. He tried to review what had happened and his mind started to race as he tried to recall. "We were on the cliff, then there were impulses everywhere, so many impulses. I couldn't _do_ anything. Me, of all the sides. I couldn't leave. Couldn't move and there were so many... Too many. How were there so many? And Virgil..."

 

Roman was starting to become panicked. He was breathing faster. He hadn't felt this way before and he didn't know what to do with this new feeling. He had bravely faced many monsters in the imagination kingdom, but those situations had always felt different. This had felt…real. He was afraid for himself. Not afraid for Thomas, or the others; but himself. This fear had been new to him, and now he was struggling to process it.

 

"I think they wanted to hurt us. They wanted him. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it, Logan! Virgil told me to close my eyes, and... And I just listened. I didn't help. Why wouldn't I help?"

Logan put his hands on Roman's shoulders, "Calm down. Breathe with me for a second."

Logan was certain that something strange had occurred. He closed his eyes and checked on Thomas. The host was at the gym; lost in a song on his headphones. Logan was glad; at least this situation wasn't affecting him in any way, so he only needed to focus on Roman and Virgil for the time being. 

 

Patton collected a wet towel from the kitchen and rested it on Virgil's forehead. His breathing was slowly becoming less laboured, but he was still clearly trying to catch his breath.

"He is quite warm. Should I remove his hoodie, Logan?" Patton questioned. He was unsure of what to do to help Virgil. He had never seen another side, or even an impulse, look like this before.

"That may help lower his core body temperature."

"Don't. Bother," mumbled Virgil; his eyes fluttering open slightly.  _I should have gone to my room._

"There isn't any need to act tough, Virgil. Please, let us help you." Patton didn't want to force anything onto Virgil. Their morning discussion was evidence that Virgil did not respond well to having things forced upon him.

"I'm... Fine _." I can't let them see the seal._ A hiss of pain escaped Virgil's lips as he tried to move.

"Removing that thick hoodie will help you cool down." Logan added, turning away from a much calmer Roman. "Your health comes before any fashion need."

"It's fine," Virgil groaned, giving in to the fact that he wouldn't be able to move for an hour at least.

"Letting us help you, doesn't make you any less tough, Kiddo. Lets just get this hood off, hey."

 

Roman sighed, feeling more in control. He snapped his fingers and Virgil's hoodie vanished; a thin, purple check patterned, long sleeve shirt had taken its place. "There. That should satisfy Virgil's need to be covered and Logan and Patton's need to reduce your layers. Happy?" 

"Yeah. Thanks. Roman." _Roman stood up for me. Guess he is more accepting than I give him credit for._

 

Virgil's head lolled to the side as he gave into his exhaustion. His breathing was still a little shaky, but no longer caused Logan or Patton much concern. He had stopped sweating thanks to Roman’s shirt and Patton diligently cooling him down with a wet towel. The sides were careful to not touch Virgil too much, as his face contorted with pain at the slightest movement.

 

“I believe Virgil’s state is as a result of exhaustion,” Logan concluded. “Does that sound accurate, considering what occurred prior to your arrival here, Roman?”

“Sounds a lot better than me _attacking_ him.”

“Yes, well. I apologise for that. I did jump to an unfair conclusion.”

“It’s fine, I guess… I did have my sword out, but you both know I would never hurt Virgil, right?”

“Yes. Of course. We know that.” Patton assured him; feeling bad about his own misjudgement.

“Yeah, well… I would assume that Virgil did… something to get us out of there. It makes sense that that took a lot out of him.”

“Very well. I believe the best option is to keep him comfortable and allow Virgil some time to rest.”

 

After giving Virgil a fresh cold towel, the three sides sat at the table.

"Care to explain what happened, Roman?" Logan prompted. "Please try and remain calm this time though."

Roman appeared embarrassed by the comment but obliged and explained what he and Virgil had discussed and what he could recall from the encounter with the impulses.

 

 

*****************************************************************************************************

 

"Interesting." Logan looked away, lost in thought. "So, the impulses only referred to him as 'Anxiety' throughout the whole exchange?"

"Maybe they just don't know his name."

"I don't think so, Pat." Roman swept his hand through his hair as he thought. "It was almost like they were saying it to insult him."

"You must recall that these impulses most likely had a close relationship with Virgil in the past." Patton and Roman both looked back at Logan. "But Virgil always came across as... Well, as a bit of a loner," Roman added.

"That may be true, but it is still highly likely that he interacted with them on a regular occasion. Particularly during Thomas' adolescence. I'm sure you can recall the number of impulses we had to deal with during that time, as well as Virgil."

Patton giggled, "He really did give us a run for our money. Came out and just took over."

"Impulses like Deceit and Rage also had a stronger presence in the mindscape at that time.... They were two of the impulses at the cliff were they not?"

"Yes. Is that important?"

Logan looked behind him to the sleeping side on the lounge. "I am beginning to suspect that Virgil had a close relationship with those two."

Roman scoffed, "I doubt that. You've seen the way Virgil reacts when those two appear. He finds them as irritating and unnecessary as we do."

"I don't know about that Roman," Patton adjusted the cardigan on his shoulders. "The only time Virgil has ever been really 'concerned' about those two is when they are having a negative or dangerous affect on Thomas."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember that time Thomas was sick, but told everyone he was fine?”

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Well, Deceit was influencing Thomas to lie. The three of us spent two days trying to convince Thomas to seek help and trying to locate Deceit. Virgil was the only one out of all of us that wasn't concerned."

"He was probably just being lazy."

"I'm with Patton on this. Perhaps Virgil's indifference was as a result of a past friendship; even if that friendship has since been terminated."

 

Roman nodded, seeing the point the other sides were making. Virgil had been a collection of 'negative' impulses in the past and they probably did engage with impulses like Deceit and Rage.

"There is still one part of your recount that concerns me, Roman." Logan walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water before returning to the table. "Who is this Depression that an impulse mentioned? I know I cannot recall coming across an impulse with that title before, and that surely seems like a part of Thomas I would remember."

Patton let out a small laugh, "Thomas wouldn't have Depression, he is too happy to be depressed."

"While that may appear to be true, Patton, we should not disregard his existence. It is entirely possible that he is present in the mindscape and is either too weak to have an influence, or Deceit has concealed him..."

"Or Virgil has." Now Patton and Logan were looking at Roman. "That would make sense, right? Why else would the impulses ask Virgil about Depression?"

"Ok. Well if Depression does exist, and Virgil does know something, what should we do about it?" Patton looked to Logan for an answer.

"Nothing"

"What?" Patton and Roman gasped in unison.

"If Virgil does have something to do with Depression, we need to trust that he has the impulse under control. It is pointless to jump to a variety of conclusions and take unnecessary action."

"But what if everything that has happened is all connected," Roman argued. "Rage fusing with you, Nightmare's attack and that huge impulse meeting. What if this is all building towards something?"

Patton pulled his arms close to his chest and clasped his hands together. "Oh no! I don't like the sound of that."

"It isn't impossible; however, the other possibility is that all of these events are pure coincidence. I suggest that, for now at least, we take a break from this conversation. If you still have concerns later, we may need to broach the subject with Virgil. It is pointless to sit here and speculate without having the full story."

 

Roman looked at Virgil, who was still sleeping soundly on the lounge. He thought about how long it had taken the reclusive side to talk about the nightmare. "I doubt we will get any quick answers from Virgil, regardless. I'm afraid, that if he does have something to do with Depression, he won't tell us."

"Not even if we offer to help?" Patton asked.

Roman smiled, "He never wants our help, Patton. You can give him your best puppy-dog eyes and his instinct will still be to keep it to himself."

Logan sighed, "That is a very problematic feature of his."

 

Patton started fidgeting with his cardigan again. He always wanted to help the others and he hated not being able to support Virgil in the 'right' way. Roman's words struck a chord with him though. Virgil's 'instinct' was to keep to himself and deal with things alone; it had nothing to do with him not liking Patton in any way. Similarly, Virgil hated it when Patton fussed over him or tried to down play his comments; but this was part of Patton’s instincts. He couldn’t help acting the way he did, and neither could Virgil. This made Patton happier; surprisingly. He had a new light through which to see his and Virgil’s relationship, and that was a small positive he could take away from the situation. 

 

Roman decided to return to the kingdom to rest; he was feeling rather drained from the encounter at the cliff. Logan also wanted to take his leave to do some research on Thomas' remaining free roaming impulses; the number Roman described seemed unreasonable. That left Patton to remain with Virgil in the common area. He turned on the TV and sat next to Virgil; careful not to let his movement disturb the sleeping side.

 

******************************************************************************************

 

Jacket woke up inside the cave. The door was gone and so were the black flames. His arms were covered in scratches and black from dirt.

"Hood?" he called out into the darkness.

The other impulse was nowhere to be seen and Jacket hadn't felt so alone in a very long time. He carefully stood up and assessed his two options: walk further into the cave, or head back the way he had come. His mind reeled as he processed the possibilities for both options; pacing in a square shape around the area.

_Which way do I go? Where is Hood? Did he wake up and leave me? Did I fuse with him? No. I would know if I fused with him. He was... No, is... He is my friend. He wouldn't have just left me. He would have gone for help. He went for help. That's what happened._

Jacket paused and looked carefully at the ground around him; ignoring the scuff marks he had made, he noticed there were a set of foot prints heading further into the cave.

"Hood!" He called out as he headed further into the cave, assuring himself the whole way that his friend had only left him to find help.

 

 

As he walked, he noticed a light ahead; starting to jog to reach the end faster. The cave opened to a forest with a mix of living and dead trees. There was an energy in the air that Jacket hadn't felt before. This place, though unfamiliar, felt... Right. Safe. He had never felt that way about a place before. Even at the cliff edge, the energy had still felt off.

"Hood! Are you out here?" He called out as he continued to walk further into the forest.

Eventually the forest parted to reveal a small clearing in front of a river and large waterfall; which surprise Jacket as he hadn't heard the water until he reached the clearing.

"Hello, Jacket."

Jacket jumped at the sound of a voice that seemed to come from all directions. "What? Who's there?"

"I knew you would find me eventually," Hood walked out from behind a nearby tree.

Jacket breathed a sigh of relief, "Hood. It's you. Are you ok?"

"Oh, I am perfectly fine. No harm done at all." Hood did a spin in front of his friend to show off his lack of injury.

"H... How is that possible? I... I thought... I thought you were caught in the explosion too."

"Oh, I was. But then something happened, and I ended up here; right in that water. When I came out, all my injuries were gone."

"What? But... But that can't be possible."

"Oh, but it is... If I am in my right territory."

Jacket's eyes grew wide with realisation. "This is your territory."

"Wrong. It is our territory. Go on. Try it out."

Jacket walked over to the water’s edge and looked at his rippling reflection on the clear water. "It won't work on me. All I will be doing is getting myself wet for nothing."

"Trust me, Jacket. This is our territory. We were injured in our territory and we can heal in our territory. Now get in there."

Jacket was still hesitant. Hood groaned and shoved the cautious side into the water.

 

Jacket sunk. The water was deeper than it appeared on the surface and his body was pulled to the bottom. This situation would usually have caused Jacket a great deal of anxiety; but in that moment he was calm. He wasn't afraid. He could sense Thomas from there; laughing with one of his school friends at a lunch table.

Jacket realised he had been under the water too long and wanted to breathe. Just before he could reach the surface, a purple light flashed in his eyes and a voice rang through his ears. "You are lost. Broken. Find your pieces. Find your names."

 

Jacket finally pushed his head above the water and gasped for air.

Hood laughed. "You took your time." He reached his hand out to help pull his friend out. "What happened down there?"

"I saw Thomas and got distracted. Nothing too exciting."

 

Part of him wanted to tell his friend about the voice, but a small piece of him warned him against that. Although Hood looked the same as he always had, something was off about him. He seemed different in a way that Jacket couldn't quite describe.

Those thoughts were quickly pushed aside when Jacket realised that his wounds had healed. There wasn't a single scratch on his skin and his clothes were intact and he hadn't had to conjure anything to repair them.

 

"This territory is ours."  
"Told you so. We found our place, just like I said we would."

"We need to find our way back to the others. We need to tell them about this place."

"Already ahead of you."

 

Hood was already walking back into the forest. Jacket quickly caught up and the two left the clearing in search of a new trail that would lead them to the cliff edge to inform the other impulses of their discovery.

.

.

.

Virgil found himself still in the clearing. He was use to experiencing these dream-like memories now; a ghost observing the past. He looked around, expecting Depression's voice to ring through his ears and comment on what he did wrong.... His voice didn't come.

"A dream, good or bad, aims to guide you in some way." Roman's voice echoed through the clearing. A memory of the discussion they had with Thomas.

"Well, what am I meant to be learning from remembering all of this?" Virgil asked the empty space; walking over to the water’s edge.

"ReMeMbEr aNd AcCePt ThE tRuTh."

Virgil looked around to see if there was anyone around. The voice sounded like everyone he had ever heard talk, was now talking in unison.

"Who is there?" Virgil waited; but no reply came. "What truth am I meant to be accepting?"

"FiNd It. AcCePt It. StOp DeNyInG iT. sToP hIdInG iT."

"I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"WhO aRe YoU?"

"What?"

"DoNt DeNy. AcCePt. ReMeMbEr. EmBrAcE."

"I still don't understand?"

"It Is ThE oNlY WaY tO rEsToRe BaLaNcE. DoNt FoRgEt."

"Hold on..."

 

.

.

.

Virgil opened his eyes. He was in the common area; laying on the lounge with Logan sitting next to him reading. The final part of his dream fading away, leaving only the memory he had relived and one word; remember. _What am I meant to remember?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who’s back  
> With a brand-new chap  
> Got everybody going crazy   
> Right……  
> ******************************  
> I don’t even know what that was…. It made sense in my head at least.   
> Hope you enjoyed this update. I’ve got the next 2 chapters written; 16 chapters planned altogether, using my original notes. Looking good so far…. I think so, anyway.


	9. Past Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up on the lounge, Virgil is forced reflect on his past experiences with Logan. Meanwhile, Roman takes a good hard look at himself and receives some helpful information in the process.

"I see you have regained consciousness." Logan commented; not looking away from his book. "How are you feeling, physically, at the moment?"

Virgil carefully used his right arm to push himself into a more upright position; a blanket sliding down from his torso as he rose. Although he tried to hide it, he couldn't help but let out a small hiss of pain as he adjusted his left arm.

_No point in trying to lie now._ "I'm sore. But I'm sure that was obvious." Virgil's tone held just a hint of anger. _That was a bit too truthful, Virge._

Logan sighed and closed his book to look at Virgil. "While I would prefer to focus our discussion on your health and the events at the cliff, I can't help but sense that you have some... Frustration held towards me since the nightmare incident. Would you care to elaborate on how I have upset you, Virgil?"

Virgil avoided all eye contact with Logan. He didn't want to talk to him about this; not right now anyway.

 

Logan took a deep breath in. "Then maybe I should share the conclusions I have made regarding your attitude towards me."

Virgil looked away and willed himself to disappear into his room...no such luck. He could feel his room, but he couldn't get there. _Great, I’m locked out. Perfect consequence for saving Roman’s ass._

 

"Very well then. I have been reviewing the impulses in the mindscape currently and reflecting on how these, and many other, impulses were dealt with in the past. When I was explaining Conformity to Thomas, you expressed anger and simplified my power as making you do as you were told. Considering the impulses you are probably a fusion of, you have more than likely experienced the effects of Conformity. Am I on the right track?"

Virgil remained silent.

"Okay... Well then, this would also connect with your discomfort around the discussion of which impulses you are a fusion of, and what power you hold. You wish to keep your past hardships hidden. Many of your fusions were most likely treated... Unfairly."

Virgil scoffed, but didn't make a move to respond to Logan.

"You, yourself, were treated in an unfair manner by us after becoming a core side. While you are working with Thomas and us more now, that doesn't take away from the pain of the past. As much as you try to hide it... You still feel resentment towards us due to your treatment, and that is ok."

Virgil turned to look at Logan. "What?"

"What you feel is ok, Virgil. You are allowed to feel anger, resentment or whatever you wish, towards us. Me, in particular. I know I abused my power in the past."

"That's a mild understatement." Virgil turned away to avoid Logan's eyes again. "You were always having debates with the sides and positive impulses when they disagreed with you, but the moment any 'negative' impulse got in your way... You sent us away."

 

Silent tears slipped out of Virgil's eyes; just out of Logan's view. Virgil pictured all the times his nameless self had seen Logan's eyes glow blue; and he sensed that other parts of himself had seen those eyes too.

"You don't know what it feels like, Logan. When you have a job to do. Something in you is telling you that you need to do something, and you... Try to satisfy that need. To feel complete. To feel accomplished. Only to have you... Have you look at me with those eyes... And strip me of everything."

Virgil turned to look at Logan; tear streaks were evident on his face, yet no more tears fell.

"When you use Conformity on Thomas, yeah maybe you only make him do what you tell him too; but on us...impulses... You stripped away all that we were... For what felt like a lifetime. I wasn't angry that you used your influence...I was angry with how casually you spoke about it. Like it was just some harmless thing; when it's not. It had consequences that you, Logic, never considered."

 

Logan looked down; full of shame. He had never taken the time to consider how his influence actually affected the impulses he used it on. While he had never used it on Virgil, he could tell that many of Virgil's past selves had felt pain due to his ignorance. He had been able to determine that Virgil resented him... He just hadn't fully comprehended the motivation behind that resentment. No words would make up for his past mistakes.

"Virgil, I am sor..."

"Stop.” Virgil held his hand up to silence Logan. "Apologising to me isn't necessary. You can't apologise to all of those impulses you hurt; not really anyway. But…You haven't used your influence in years, Lo. You... Changed the way you responded to impulses and that is... Enough. I shouldn't have let it get to me so much. I've been processing a lot in my room lately and was a little ‘over the top’ with my reactions."

"That... That means a lot to me, Virgil." Logan didn't quite understand what Virgil meant by 'processing', but he didn't allow his curiosity to overshadow Virgil's words.

 

"Aw. What a touching moment." Patton's voice echoed around the room from his position in the hall. "I am so proud of you two."

Patton skipped into the lounge room, beaming from ear to ear. Virgil thought his cheeks would explode if he smiled any wider. Patton threw his arms around Logan and pulled him into a tight hug. "Someone is accepting their own emotions."

Virgil couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Patton squeezing the life out of Logan. He started using the towel to wipe the running eyeshadow off his face, while Logan attempted to pry the cuddly side away.

"That will do, Patton. I believe I have been adequately hugged."

Patton giggled, and released the logical side. "Of course you have, Logan. Hey, who wants something to eat? I am in the mood for cooking up a storm."

Logan shrugged and looked at Virgil, "would you like to eat, Virgil?"

Virgil laid back and closed his eyes. "Whatever. I'm not going anywhere yet."

 

"Are you ok?" Patton enquired, kneeling next to the lounge to get a better view of Virgil's still paled complexion.

Logan stood and looked down at Virgil, "Am I correct in assuming you are still feeling fatigued from doing, whatever it was that you did on the cliff?"

_Not much gets past Logan._ "Yeah. I guess Roman filled you guys in?"

Patton shifted from side to side and glanced away, "He told us..." Logan looked at Patton curiously, hoping the side wasn't about to bring up their discussion about Depression. "What he could. The ending was a bit dark though." Patton gave Virgil a small smile.

"Closing your eyes does make the world darker." Virgil closed his own eyes, but could still feel the other two staring. Virgil rolled his eyes behind closed lids before opening them to look at the two curious sides. "I got Roman to close his eyes for a reason. I don't like what I did and I'm not going to describe it for you now. So, stop the staring...please. It's making me uncomfortable."

Logan and Patton quickly looked away; both nodding in recognition of Virgil’s reasoning.

"Well," Logan cleared his throat and straightened his tie. "Patton, weren't you interested in cooking up a metaphorical storm?"

Patton jumped up and headed to the kitchen; straight back to his cheerful self. He called out over his shoulder, "I'll make pizza's. Oh, and maybe some cookies too. We can never have too many cookies."

 

Logan sighed and went to help Patton in the kitchen. He still had a lot he wanted to talk to Virgil about, but for now he was content. He felt he had a better understanding of who Virgil was, and a hint of who he had been. The side had many layers, as Logan had predicted over a year ago. Virgil was more than just anxiety; what more, he couldn't be entirely certain, but he hoped to find out soon. The list of questions Logan had was growing and his curiosity was eager to find the answers; but for now, he would be patient. He had no choice but to be patient.

 

 

*************************************************************************************************

 

Roman walked through the halls of his castle; weaving up and down various stairs and slipping through hidden corridors. He enjoyed losing himself in the maze of his own imagination. Eventually he reached a room at the top of a tower and went to look out the window. While the kingdom and green forests were beautiful, they could not compare to the bliss he had felt looking out over the cliff edge with Virgil.

He turned to leave when he noticed a large mirror leaning against the nearby wall.

"I haven't come across you before." He moved to stroke the black frame and admire the intricate pattern decorating it. "I don't recall ever creating you."

He looked at his reflection, adjusted his sash and started running his fingers through his hair.

Roman noticed an impulse appear behind him, "Your hair looks fine, you don't need to keep fussing over it."

"I know, but..." Roman turned around but there wasn't anyone behind him. "Huh? Rude."

He turned back to the mirror and jumped back in surprise as he saw the impulse was standing next to him. "What the heck!"

 

"Calm yourself, Roman. You aren't scared of your own reflection, are you?"

Roman pointed at the impulse reflected in the mirror. "You aren't my reflection, _that_ is my reflection."

The impulse laughed and adjusted his fedora, "Well I am a part of you, so..."

"Ah, what? I think I would remember an impulse like you. Especially in that hat"

"Oh, I know. You are just jealous that you can't pull it off as well as I can."

Roman gasped.

"Come now, Ego. Don't rile the poor prince up. He's been through a lot recently and we are on a time limit here." Lust appeared on the other side of Roman; his makeup was now predominately masculine, no longer split between two genders. 

"Sorry, Lust dear. I couldn't resist."

"Wait. You are Lust and Ego. What are you doing in the mirror?"

Lust giggles, "Oh sweetheart. We aren't in the mirror."

More impulses started appearing in the mirror. Imagination, Bravery, Passion and more. They all looked very similar, but with slight clothing variations. The mirror filled with many different faces and forms.

"This mirror shows your true self." Ego looked around at the collection of impulses. "We all came together to make you. This is who you are."

Roman took in all the faces in the mirror, "Why don't I remember all of you? Many of your faces are unfamiliar to me."

"There are so many of us, Roman. You can't expect yourself to remember all of us; regardless we are all a part of you." A small impulse called Self-esteem added.

"Ok. But why is this mirror here? Why am I seeing this now?" Roman questioned. "This has never happened before."

"That was us," Ego and Lust spoke in unison and all the other impulses vanished from the mirror.

"Why?"

"We have answers to some of the questions you had," Lust placed a shadowed hand on Roman's shoulder. He could feel it, and yet, when he turned his head, he couldn't see the impulse.

"You wanted to know what happened at the cliff edge, right?" Ego asked.

"Yes. What was that energy? Why couldn't I leave? Who were all those impulses? What did they want with Virgil? What did Virgil do to…"

"Woah, slow down their sweetness." Lust squeezed Roman's shoulder. "We can't answer all of those. In truth we are on a bit of a time limit here. Doing this wasn't easy."

Roman nodded. "Ok. Just tell me what you think I need to know. I can work out the rest later."

 

Ego sighed, "I'll do my best to get this out quick. The edge is neutral space and is only meant to be accessed by impulses. Virgil has a strong tie to that area, which is why he was able to take you there. You couldn't sink out because you weren't meant to be there in the first place. It had nothing to do with you lacking power."

"Okay. That makes sense. What else?"

"The energy you were feeling was thanks to Rage and Deceit using their influence against you," Lust continued. "Rage was pulling away your will to fight, Bravery was left powerless. Normally Rage would fuel Bravery, and it was this relationship that Rage exploited."

Ego's image flickered and Roman felt the pressure of Lust's hand waver.

"You guys are running out of time. Quick, what else?"

"Those impulses were mostly illusions made by Deceit, not real impulses." Ego's formed wavered further as he spoke.

"Why would he do that?"

"We don't know for sure but he's probably messing with Virgil. We were frien..." Ego vanished.

"Messing with Virgil... Wait! You called him Virgil!" Roman looked at the fading Lust. "Why do the others call him Anxiety?"

"Envy." Lust vanished and Roman was left staring at himself in the mirror again.

 

The encounter answered some of the sides questions but had left him with some additional ones. Regardless, Roman looked into the reflection of his eyes, "Thank you for doing that. I appreciate the help."

He smiled as he saw his eyes sparkle slightly. He had always focused on his creative impulses, that sometimes he forgot about the other pieces of himself. Although they no longer had physical forms, he could feel all his other impulses. The feeling was short lived, but in that moment, he realised just how big of a part of Thomas he truly was.

 

He headed back through his maze of a castle; mulling over what Ego and Lust had told him. Logan had been correct in assuming Virgil had been close to the other impulses; possibly even Ego and Lust. Roman had a stronger connection with Rage than he had realised; which terrified him slightly. The biggest take away from the exchange was Deceit's motives. He had been friends with Virgil and now he was... Envious? This left Roman with a big question; Why was Deceit jealous of Virgil?

 

Roman grew impatient and sunk out to his room’s door. He wanted to talk to Logan about what had happened. Roman knew the logical side would be able to make more sense of the information and would be able to help him work out what to do with it. He opened his door and was met with the smell of cookies and pizza; such a Patton combination.

 

 

*****************************************************************************************************

 

Virgil could hear Patton and Logan in the kitchen, arguing over the best pizza toppings to use. He let his mind wonder, focusing on the word from his last dream; remember.

_What am I meant to remember? Haven't I remembered enough lately?_

Virgil tried to remember what else had happened in the last dream; focusing hard on picturing how the territory had looked that day. Try as he might, he couldn't recall anything else the strange voice said.

_This is stupid! What am I meant to remember? Why do I need to remember?_

 

Virgil sighed and opened his eyes, staring at the roof of the common area. He tentatively moved his left arm. It still ached but it no longer felt like his skin was on fire. He turned to check that Logan and Patton were still distracted in the kitchen before carefully pulling his sleeve up.

Virgil took a sharp breath in and held it. His arm looked like someone had spilt blue and purple ink over his skin. He couldn't see Lust or Ego's scars at all in the sea of colour; even running his fingers over the area they should have been, he couldn't feel the familiar ripples on his skin. Thankfully his, Deceit's and Rage’s marks were still clear. The colour of his skin couldn't conceal the raised red rings; but that was only a small comfort.

_Does this mean two of the seals are gone? Using that energy was a really stupid move, Virgil. You saved Roman, but you might have just given Depression more freedom._

 

Virgil pulled down his sleeve and sighed heavily. He sat up, head swimming slightly, and turned so he could look into the kitchen. Logan and Patton were deep in conversation. _I really want to check on my room._ Virgil tried again to will his way there, but still couldn't get the mindscape to comply.

He stood, swaying only briefly, before slowly making his way to the hall. _I never did ask Logan how long I was out. A couple of hours? A day?_

 

Virgil reached his door and rested his head against it. Breathing was suddenly a lot easier and he could picture his room; one little shadow sat on his bed and then vanished. _Just my own fear._ Virgil did a quick check on Thomas; the host was watching Netflix, enjoying a work free day. 

Virgil felt safer near his territory and he could feel Depression still tucked safely away in his room. He didn't even bother trying to open his door; instead he lent his back against the cool wood, slowly letting his body slide to the ground. The only time his door had ever opened was when Thomas had brought the other sides to his room to find him. That day felt so long ago to Virgil, but it only happened a little over a year ago.

  
**************************************************************************************

 

Since Depression was sealed away; Anxiety, Deceit and Rage had claimed the room and surrounding territory for themselves. The three impulses many other impulses had also used the area; including Lust and Ego, though they preferred the kingdom. When a door to the common area started forming, it caused a rift to form in the friendship.

 

"Are we about to become core sides?" Deceit asked, staring at the frame that had formed on the wall.

"Not we, idiot." Rage grumbled, moving to stand next to Deceit. "Only one of us can become a side. In this room anyway. Who do you guys think this room really belongs to?"   
Rage looked around the room at the multiple impulses that were currently hiding in the room. Lust, Ego, Greed, Distraction, Selfishness, Pessimism. Anxiety was curled up in the corner of the room; a silent and fearful observer. The other impulses called out their bets on who the room would belong to.

"Deceit!"

"I agree. Deceit you've got this for sure."  
"My money is on Ego. I could see him giving Roman a run for his money."  
"No way. You've seen how Deceit manipulates Lust. He's the strongest here."

Lust gasped, "I take offence to that."  
"I'm not sorry for that, Lust." Deceit looked apologetically at his friend. "It isn't part of my job to conceal your true self."

Lust waved their hand dismissively. "Thomas will accept me eventually. However, my money is on this being Anxiety's room."

 

All eyes turned to Anxiety sitting in the corner and he suck deeper into his hoodie.

"Ha. There is no way this is Anxiety's room," Laughed Greed. "He was nameless until that weird fusion storm."

A few others joined in Greed's laughter.

Pessimism moved to sit next to Anxiety and whispered to him, "they are right. This will never be our room."

"It's fine with me," Anxiety grumbled. "I don't want to be a side anyway. Too much responsibility."

 

Though Anxiety acted indifferent, he already knew who the room belonged to. He felt the mindscape pushing him to make the door. The only reason the door wasn't finished was because he was stopping it. He was a nameless little nobody...not a core side, and he had wanted to keep it that way.

 

 

Try as he might though, more impulses fused together. He felt more compelled to stay in the room; while the others all still visited the other territories on regular occasions. As Thomas got older he was plagued with an increasing number of shadows. Anxiety use to be able to dispel them in secret, but eventually Deceit and Rage noticed.

"Oh, I'm not mad or anything. I completely understand why you would hide this. You never wanted to become a core side or anything." Deceit fumed when he and Rage had confronted Anxiety.

"There isn't any ulterior motive or anything. It is just something that I do," Anxiety did his best to explain truthfully.

"You aren't becoming a core side?"

"No. I don't want to be a core side."  
Deceit stared into Anxiety's eyes. "He's lying."

Rage nodded, "Ok then. Let's get out of here and mess around with the sides."

The three impulses were about to leave when they heard a cracking sound coming from the door.

 

Vines started decorating the surface. Anxiety felt his grip on the door slipping slightly; but he managed to stop the door handle from forming. Rage and Deceit looked and Anxiety and then back at themselves.

"Not intriguing at all."  
"I don't feel anything at all guys, and that is the truth." Anxiety was quick to go on the defensive. Deceit shook his head, acknowledging that Anxiety was being truthful.

"Well then," Rage put his arms around Anxiety and Deceit's shoulders. "Maybe this is a room for the three of us. Give it time and we may all feel like we truly belong here."

The three impulses left, and Anxiety kept his secret another day.

 

It was two days later when the door handle appeared. Anxiety was alone in the territory when he felt it; a surge of energy and a whisper in his ear "Virgil."

He went into the room and stood in front of the door.

 

**_Are you going to open it, Anxiety?_ **

 

Anxiety ignored Depression's voice and listened to the sides on the other side. He didn't want to be a core side, but he was intrigued about how the core sides would react to his presence. He hadn't meant to enter the hallway; it was pure accident. As he had expected, the sides weren’t exactly the friendliest; though it was fun to insult Roman directly, he was happy to return to the room.

 

**_Looks like you are a core side, Anxiety? How ever will you tell poor Deceit and Rage?_ **

 

Anxiety took himself to the cliff edge to escape Depression's voice. On the edge his head was clear and he could focus his thoughts... He made the decision to continue to conceal the truth from the others. He didn't want to be a core side. He liked the way things were working at the moment; influencing Thomas with Deceit's help. Rage was less fun to deal with, but he still considered the impulse a friend. The impulse's already knew him and he didn't even want to attempt to get to know the core sides; not after the way they treated him in the past. He could keep his name a secret; all he had to do was keep the door closed.

 

He returned to the room and stood before the door and put his hands on the door handle. Anxiety couldn't remove the handle completely; it was part of the mindscape now, a permanent feature...but he could change it. He closed his eyes and willed the interior door handle to disappear; feeling it slowly dissolve out of his hands. With the handle missing, the door wouldn't be able to be opened. He would need to teleport to the common area if he wanted to leave, but he had already proved that to be possible. Satisfied with his efforts, he went back to the cliff edge and waited for Deceit and Rage to find him. Core sides 'couldn't' go to the cliff, it was the perfect place to hide... right in plain sight.

 

The other impulses were sceptical at first; the core sides had already passed the message around that a new side existed.

"So, you went to the Common Area, but you’re not a core side?" Greed questioned Anxiety.

"That's right. I touched the door and ended up in the common area. When I came back, the handle vanished. I can't open the door." Anxiety responded and looked to Deceit who agreed with his statement.

"It's too bad you aren't a core side," Vanity commented. "Would have been nice to see someone of a negative nature in the real power house."

"Deceit and I have enough power as it is," he retorted. "I'd hate to be a core side. Can you imagine being stuck with those goodie goodies?"

"I hate the way you think, Anxiety." Deceit commented, smiling at his friend.

 

Anxiety's deception went on for years, with him and Deceit working together throughout Thomas' teenage years. They were always careful to never get caught together. Anxiety acted like he needed to go to the other sides rooms to influence Thomas the most; when in truth his influence was strongest in his territory. But as Thomas continued to grow; Patton, Logan and Roman started taking back most of the control. Deceit lost interest in Anxiety and spent most of his time elsewhere in search of fulfilment.

 

Then Thomas accidently summoned Roman and Patton, and that opened a whole new set of doors. The sides, and higher-powered impulses, suddenly had the option to show themselves to Thomas. Anxiety didn't even realise he could appear physically and did it purely by accident the first two times. That was when his world fell apart... 

.

.

.

Virgil shook his head to stop his mind from roaming through his memories further. He was still conscious; he could hear Patton and Logan occasionally knock something in the kitchen.

 

**_Why did you stop there, Anxiety? I was enjoying that."_ **

 

Virgil didn't let himself flinch at Depression's voice. The word ‘remember’ flashed through his head again.

_What is there to tell? The others realised how easy it was for me to visit Thomas regularly and when Deceit confronted me about it, I lied._

 

Virgil pictured Deceit in front of him; Rage standing to the side watching the two impulses yell at each other.

"I don't want to be a core side! I never wanted to be! That was your goal, not mine."

"And yet here you sit! A glorious side. You can't lie to me, but start lying to yourself." Deceit punch Virgil in the face, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"Deceiving Deceit. Well done, Anxiety; or whatever your name is." Rage spat, tugging on Deceit's arm. "Leave him. He isn't worth it."

 

 

**_Wonderful. Wonderful. I love it._ **

_Virgil sighed and opened his eyes; staring at the wall ahead. Glad to have entertained you, Depression. I'm sure that was your favourite day. There were enough shadows around after that._

**_Oh, yes. It was a brilliant day. You were in utter turmoil; Thomas had a fight with one of his friends. I was feeling truly powerful back then_**.

_Too bad the others knocked us back down to size._

**_True. I'll get that power back soon enough though._ **

_Not if I have anything to say about it._

 

Depression was silent. That confused Virgil immensely; he was expecting some form of witty retort. He couldn't dwell on it for long though; Roman opened his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can I write thousands of words for a story easily, but typing 500 words for work is an effort?


	10. Pizza for Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started as a simple pizza party; how did it end with Virgil on the floor in pain?

Roman took a step out of his door and instantly sensed someone to his left and turned to see Virgil on the floor in front of his own door.

"Don't flip your lid, Princey." Virgil looked up at the concerned side. "I'm fine."

"Ha! You’re fine, and LeFou hated rainbows."

Virgil reached a hand out for Roman to help him stand, and the prince happily obliged. "I can't duck out at the moment."  
"Oh, so you are just being normal for once." Roman smiled at Virgil; he looked weird without his hoodie and only natural dark rings under his eyes.

"As normal as I am ever going to get," shrugged Virgil.

"To be honest," Roman snapped his fingers and Virgil had his patchwork hoodie back on; hood on his head, pushing his bangs over his eyes. "I wouldn't want you any other way. Angst and all."

 

Virgil chuckled and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. He had thought that, after everything that had happened at the cliff, Roman would have avoided him; or at least treated him with caution. Instead, Roman actually seemed... Kinder. More accepting.

 

"OH. MY. GOODNESS." Patton's overly excited voice rang throughout the common area. Virgil glanced up to see Patton looking down the hall at him and Roman.

Logan came around the corner, "What is the problem, Patton?"

"I'mSoHappy! LookAtTHoseTwo! TheyAreSmiling!"

"I think we broke him," Roman looked at Virgil, as the two headed towards the still trembling and giggling Patton.

"Quick, insult me before he explodes... Or I throw up." Virgil sat at the table and pulled on his hood strings to conceal his face further.

"Ah, um, your face is insulting."

"That was the least creative insult I have ever heard from you," Logan commented. "Patton, you need to calm yourself before you pass out."

"I just feel like it's my birthday," Patton giggled. "So many wholesome moments today, AND I'VE GOT COOKIES!"

Logan rubbed his forehead and sighed; exasperated by Patton's over the top reaction. "I will never understand what goes through your mind, Patton."

 

Virgil loosened his hoodie and adjusted it off his face as Logan placed two large pizzas onto the table. Food wasn't something the sides required to function, but it was a comforting action. Virgil only started eating meals in recent months; now he couldn't imagine existing without breaking up his days with a meal of some form. The positive to all the recent events was that he was getting to eat with the others. When the focus wasn't on him; the event was comforting.

.

.

.

"Looks like the full days rest did you some good, Virgil." Logan commented, finishing off a piece of pizza.

Virgil choked on his own pizza. "What!? Why did you let me sleep that long?" Virgil had considered that he had been asleep for an extended period, but hearing it was true was still a shock.

"You looked so cute. I didn't want to wake you"

"Clearly you required it. Waking you didn't seem necessary."

Virgil looked at Roman, "What's your excuse?"

"I only wake royalty," Roman grinned.

"Roman never had the opportunity to. He was in his room the whole time you were asleep."  
Roman groaned and looked at Logan, "Way to ruin my insult, Sher-not."

 

“Were you alright, Roman?” Inquired Virgil. The other three looked at him in shock over his question; Virgil slumped down, suddenly very self-conscious. “I only asked because…you know…the cliff thing was intense and all, and then you had me well… you know.”

Patton noticed how uncomfortable Virgil appeared. He thought the side would fully retreat into his hoodie if it allowed him to do so. He decided the best way to help Virgil was to pull the attention away from him, and quickly.

“Was everything alright, Roman? You were still a little jumpy when you left.” Patton started distributing additional slices of pizza to each side. “What have you been crafting in the good ol’ imagination kingdom?”

 

“Yes… well…. Erm.” Roman was suddenly feeling flustered. He hadn’t meant to stay away so long; it just happened that way. “I got a tad…distracted.”

“Understandable,” commented Logan. “That whole place is a distraction.”

“Your face is a distraction,” Roman huffed, before taking a bite of his pizza.

Patton sighed, and silently wished they could get through one discussion without making any insults. Virgil nibbled on his pizza and smiled at the exchange; their banter was always amusing.

“After doing, what is generally my usual post adventure routine, I roamed the castle maze.” Roman continued, wiping his hands on a conjured napkin. “I lost all sense of time I guess and ended up in a tower with the most amazing mirror.”

“Did you get lost in your own eyes for a while, Princy?” Virgil smirked, slowly coming back out from his hoodie.

“No. I’m not that vain “

“Indeed.” Logan interjected. “Vanity is still a free impulse. Though he does reside in the kingdom.”

“Wow. Thanks for that, Lo.” Virgil’s words were thick with sarcasm that Logan picked up on instantly.

Patton jumped in before any argument could start up. “So, what was so special about the mirror, Roman. I’m sure you looked great in it and all, but that isn’t anything new.”

 

Roman sighed, “That was actually why I came back. The mirror… it…it could show me my true self.” He didn’t want to have this conversation with the whole group; especially with Virgil present. He wasn’t sure how the side would react, and he was still unsure about the events on the cliff.

Logan appeared intrigued; Patton’s eyes sparkled, and he mouthed ‘wow’ in awe; while Virgil snickered, “so you finally saw what I have to look at regularly.”

“I saw all of my fusions.” Roman’s words caused Virgil’s face to drop. “Even the ones I don’t remember fusing with.”

Logan put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands. “Interesting. I wouldn’t have thought something like that would be possible.”

“That is so cool, Roman.” Patton was beaming, he couldn’t believe that Roman had gotten the opportunity to see his past selves. “Did you see Bravery? Imagination? I bet he had an amazing costume on.”

Roman gave Patton a small smile, “I did see them, but I didn’t get to talk to them.” Roman glanced sideways at Virgil, who was staring hard at his pizza crust; face void of expression. “Lust and Ego spoke with me though.”

“Really?” Logan adjusted his glasses and looked off in thought, “seems rather odd that those two would wish to communicate with you.”

Patton noticed Virgil wasn’t moving, his face was paler than normal, and his eyes were locked and unfocused. “Virgil? Are you ok?”

 

Virgil wasn’t sure when he forgot to breathe. He only realised his lungs were screaming for air after Patton rested a cautious hand on his shoulder, and he took in a sudden gasping breath. Patton watched Virgil, concern gripping his throat.

“They knew I had…questions about what happened at the cliff, and they wanted to help.” Roman looked at Virgil, who was still transfixed by the pizza crust; ignoring the presence of Patton’s hand on his shoulder. “You knew Lust and Ego, didn’t you Virgil?”

The room was silent, except for Virgil’s rasped breath. Even Logan sat in silence to take in the reactions of the other sides; confused by Virgil’s intense reaction.

 

Finally, Virgil nodded. “I knew them… We hung out in the past, but… they didn’t leave on the best of terms.” His head hung low as the words left his mouth. “Not with me, anyway.”

“That wasn’t what they implied,” Roman added. “Seemed like they still considered you a friend.”

“The great thing about true friends, is that they don’t hold grudges.” Patton gave Virgil’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “They are willing to forgive and move forward. Seems to me that Lust and Ego might be those kinds of friends.”

Silence filled the room.

 

Roman continued, wanting to fill the void. “Well, they wanted to help me because I wasn’t feeling too good after what happened at the cliff. They told me I couldn’t sink out because I shouldn’t have been able to get to the cliff, due to it being a neutral space…and… and the reason I didn’t fight was…. Rage took that will away from Bravery...”

Virgil clenched his fists. _Rage is getting out of control. First, he forced a fusion with Logan, and then he abused his relationship with Bravery. What is their end goal?_

“Then there were the impulses at the cliff. They weren’t even all real. Just an illusion made by Deceit.”

“Well now that makes sense,” Logan piped up. “I knew it wasn’t possible for Thomas to have that many impulses still roaming free in the mindscape. But that still leaves me with one question… why? Why would Deceit and Rage go through so much effort?”

 

Virgil looked down at his arms, trembling and aching from having his fists clenched so tight. “Because they want to get to me. They are messing with me.”

“Well that still doesn’t make sense?” Logan looked at Virgil in confusion. “What could possibly cause them to act in such an unnecessary manner?”

“It’s…”

“Envy.” Roman cut Virgil off, and Virgil’s head shot up to look at the creative side. “When I asked Lust why the others call Virgil ‘anxiety’, they said Envy was the reason.”

“No. That can’t be right.” Virgil shook his head, shaking away a memory before it had the chance to play in his mind.

“Lust said Envy was involved,” insisted Roman, leaning back in his chair. “I mean, jealousy would fuel anger and lies, right?”

Logan nodded in agreement, considering the natural relationship that would have existed between the three impulses. Patton’s hand slid from Virgil’s shoulder as the side stood up.

“Envy hasn’t got anything to do with this. Lust was wrong.”

“Why would Lust lie?” Roman stood to maintain eye contact with the other side, looking hard at his dark rimmed eyes. “Clearly there is more going on than you understand.”

“You don’t understand any of it!” Virgil snapped, “so don’t act like you know anything.”

 

Virgil went to walk away but Roman wasn’t letting him run away this time. “Just wai…” He reached out to Virgil, grabbing him by his left forearm. 

Pain erupted up Virgil’s arm, it’s sudden intensity so unexpected that he cried out and found himself on his knees; tears pricking at his eyes instantly.

“What was that?” Logan stood and watched on as Patton jumped out of his seat and moved to Virgil’s side in an instant.

“I just. I-I-I’m sorry” Roman stuttered, fear and concern in his voice. He took a few unsteady steps back and stared at his trembling hands, confused and concerned about what he had done.

Virgil finally felt the pull of his room and wanted to return, but Patton’s presence in front of him made him stop. He leaned in close and whispered so only Virgil could hear. “I know you want to run, but please don’t leave me in the dark. Just this once… let me help you.”

Virgil’s body shook and he blink back the tears in his eyes.

Patton knelt in front of him, shielding him from Roman and Logan’s view; his eyes were closed, as if he was willing Virgil to listen to him. _Why is he doing this? After everything I’ve said, he still wants to help me._

Virgil vanished, pulling Patton with him… he couldn’t leave the side begging on the ground like that.

 

Roman and Logan were left alone in the common area; the creative side was feeling utterly crushed.

“I-I don’t know what happened. B-believe me, Logan. I only grabbed his arm.”

Logan nodded, “I believe there is more going on than we are able to comprehend at this time. Maybe Patton will be successful in gathering some additional information… If you would allow it, Roman, I would like to see this mirror you spoke about.”

Roman sighed and started walking towards the hall, “come on then. Can’t mess anything up doing that I guess.”

Logan reached a hand out to stop Roman in his tracks, moving to stand next to the creative side. “You can’t blame yourself for Virgil’s reaction. Jumping to conclusions has gotten us all in trouble lately. As much as it may seem that you have done something wrong, I am sure hindsight will prove otherwise. Focus on that for now.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

Logan adjusted his glasses and smirked at Roman, “so that is why you hate me.”

 

************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Patton heard a splash and opened his eyes. He found himself laying on his back in a forest clearing; Virgil was nowhere in sight.

“Virgil?” He looked around at the forest, taking in the unfamiliar area. His voice echoed around slightly.

Patton stood and called out again “Are you here, Kiddo?”

He continued to look around when he noticed Virgil’s hoodie lying near the edge of a stream, fear gripping his chest. Patton rushed forward. “Virgil?!”

Virgil resurfaced from the water just as Patton reached the edge, panic filled the moral sides eyes.

“Virgil?! Are you ok? Let me help.”

“I’m fine, Pat. Are you alright?” Virgil started swimming towards the edge to meet Patton. “Sorry if I freaked you out.”

“I’m fine. But… but what is this place.” Patton looked around in awe.

“This is my territory. I know it isn’t the prettiest place, but it’s mine.”

 

The forest light appeared darker than normal and more of the trees were being overrun by a dark rot. Virgil took it as a sign that Depression was holding more power over the area; an expected consequence of using the seals energy to escape the cliff edge. He regretted doing that now he knew the impulses were just one of Deceit’s tricks.

Patton sat cross-legged and looked around the area in awe. “This is amazing. So, you come and swim here all the time, like a little mermaid?”

“No. Not really. It’s just good for… healing.” Virgil began walking out of the water, showing off a purple ripped T-shirt and a black pair of shorts.

Patton’s eyes fell on Virgil’s left arm, as purple and blue bruising faded to a more casual grey around clear burn scars. He stood and walked right into the water to inspect Virgil’s arm.

“Virgil, how did this happen? Did Roman do that? Was it from the cliff? Did…”

Virgil pulled his arm out of Patton’s hands, shaking his head. “I did this to myself, Pat. All Roman did was reveal what I was trying to hide.”

“What is there to hide? If you were hurt, why didn’t you let us help?”

Virgil walked out of the water and conjured a blanket to sit on, and a towel for Patton and himself. “Like I said, I did this to myself. It isn’t your problem to worry about.”

Virgil sat down and pulled the towel around himself; Patton following behind.

“You might think that it isn’t our problem, but we’re friends, Virgil. We want to help and watch out for you.”

 

Virgil shifted and looked out across the water, absently running his fingers over his scars; just barely feeling Lust and Ego’s marks now. The pain was dulling thanks to the water; it was a relief to be back in his territory and, although he was tired, he was happy to feel somewhat normal.

“Wanting to help doesn’t make it any easier. This isn’t simple stuff, Pat. You don’t deserve to be weighed down by my problems.”

“But we can help… look at when Roman and I were stuck in the past, longing for Thomas' ex. You, and Logan, helped us to move on. We wouldn’t have been able to do that on our own. If we didn’t share our problems, we never would have been able to move on…and Thomas would have suffered.”

“Yeah, but...”

“You can rebut my statements all you want, but it won’t change that fact that I want to help, Virgil. I know your instinct is to keep us out, but my instinct is to let you in. Can we meet in the middle? Just tell me what I need to know to make sure you are safe…. You did it with Roman at the cliff edge. I heard you do it with Logan. Can you do it with me?”

 

_Geez. This is a lot to take in. What do I even tell Patton? Where do I start?_

Virgil pulled his arm out from the towel and looked down at his scars. _Am I ready to remember this? Is Patton ready to hear this?_

A breeze ran through the clearing, rustling the trees and whispering in Virgil’s ear, “ReMeMbEr.”

 

“Ok, Pat. But…” Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. “You need to promise me something.”

“Anything, Kiddo. I’m all ears,” Patton cupped his hands around his ears and giggled.

“You can’t interrupt. Ok? No questions or puns…just, listen.”

Patton put his hands in his lap and took on a solemn tone, “I promise.”

“Shit, this feels weird. I don’t even know where to start.”

“Just start wherever feels right for you.”

Virgil took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting his mind find the memories he had pushed away many times before.

 

*****************************************************************************************************************************

 

Virgil couldn’t remember his fusions. He always knew when he had fused with another impulse; he felt different and more powerful after every fusion. Normally he woke up in an area of the mindscape with a funny, powerful feeling and that was the end of it. One day though, he woke up different.

 

Multiple impulses were hanging out around the enlarged stream, messing around and enjoying a Saturday night free of worries, concerns and mischief. They called this the 'Safe Space'. The territory, and room, were the only places were all the impulses felt safe. They could heal their injuries and conjure items will a lot less fuss and it became their unofficial home. Most of the impulses had other territories where they could do the same thing; only a handful of impulses were limited to only having power in the Safe Space. Hood and Jacket were two of those impulses. Everything was fine, until it wasn’t.

 

Virgil couldn’t remember what happened next, and neither did any of the other impulses. All they knew was that a dark energy entered the territory and when they woke many impulses were gone, and the once nameless Jacket had a title. The impulses called it the Fusion Storm because they assumed there had been a mass fusion; but that was all that was known about it.

 

After years of being nameless and using assigned nicknames, he finally had a title: Anxiety. He had no idea what it meant, but it was his. It was after that moment that he found his other nameless friend lying behind the waterfall.

 

“Hood? You alright?” Anxiety shook his friends’ shoulder until his eyes slowly opened.

“Jacket? What happened?” Hood lent forward and rubbed his eyes.

“I don’t know what happened? But I found something… I found my title, Hood. I’m … I’m not nameless anymore,” Anxiety smiled awkwardly at his friend. “I’m Anxiety.”

Hood stared at Anxiety in shock, before smiling, “that’s great…Anxiety. I found my title too.”

Hood stood and Anxiety followed as he walked out into the clearing. “Well? What is it?"

"Depression."

 

************************************************************************************************************************

 

"Oh my gosh! So, Depression is real?"

Virgil frowned at Patton. "What happened to the promise?"

Patton covered his mouth and winced. "I'm sorry. I forgot."

Virgil looked up at the blue sky; not a single cloud tarnished the blue canvas. If it wasn't for the dark trees at the edge of his vision, he could almost believe he was at the cliff edge.

"Ok," Patton said tentatively. "Depression is a real impulse... And he was your friend?"

"Yeah. For a long time, he was the only person who understood me. We both had no title. We were both shunned by the others. We were both bad for Thomas."

"Oh, now you know that isn't true." Virgil gave Patton a knowing look and the moral side heaved a heavy sigh. "Sorry. I guess it didn't feel like that back then. So, where is he now?"

_Should have known Pat couldn't help himself._ "He's...sealed away."

"Where? No, Why? What happened between you guys?"

_So much for not asking questions._ "Depression and I had different... views on what Thomas needed. I wanted to keep Thomas safe and make sure he knew of all the possible outcomes of a situation. Depression wanted... Well, he felt..." Virgil struggled to find the words to explain. "After the fusion storm, he changed. He was even sadder than normal and he... He thought Thomas needed to share in his sadness. Kept saying there was safety in sadness."

 

*****************************************************************************************************************************

 

_"_ Don't you think you are being a little rough on Thomas? Life is scary but it's not that bad. _"_

Anxiety stood behind Depression; watching the ghostly image of Thomas in bed fade. Depression had made him stay in bed for most of the day, ignoring the calls of his family to come out for breakfast and lunch.

**_"_** Nothing good is going to happen. It's not worth it. ** _"_**

"A-are you s-sure?"

**_"_** You're the one that is always talking about how bad Thomas is going to fail. ** _"_** Depression turned to look Anxiety in the eyes. "I'm just saving you some time. No shadows to deal with if we just do nothing."

 

Anxiety fidgeted with his sleeves and rocked slightly on his feet. He hated having to deal with the shadows that formed in the room. The two impulses worked together to absorb them and keep them away from the others; a task that they kept completely secret. As far as any other impulse was concerned, the shadows came and went as they pleased.

"Yeah. I guess. But..."

"But what? You are always complaining about the shadows." Depression turned and walked towards the portal for the room. "I'm helping us AND Thomas. It's a win win."

"How do you know this is the right thing, though? It just... It doesn't feel right to me."

Anxiety followed Depression into the room and was met with two shadows; quickly engulfing him.

 

"You are stressing yourself out, Anxiety," laughed Depression. "This is perfectly fine, and you know it. If it was wrong, then why is the room accepting me more and more? I think I'm becoming a core side, and you are too."

Anxiety curled up on a nearby lounge, "I am not a core side."

"Then who is that secret room for?" Depression folded his arms and looked at his friend.

"I don't know what you are talking about," grumbled Anxiety.

Depression pointed at one of the cupboards. "The room hidden in there. Don't try and hide it old friend, I know you can feel it too. You know it is there."

Anxiety looked away; Depression moved closer and lent over the huddled impulse.

"Trust me, Anxiety. This is the way it is meant to be. I'll be a core side, soon enough. Those other sides won't know what hit 'em. We'll have full control and Thomas will be the way we want him to be. Inside. Safe. Forever."

 

 

*****************************************************************************************************************************

 

"Well that wouldn't have been fair." Patton was talking out loud without even realising; looking out into the distance. "If Thomas just stayed inside, he would never have become the performer he is today."

Virgil sighed, "I know. As much as I wanted Thomas to stick to familiar places, I knew he couldn't always do that. He had things to do."

"So, you told Depression that, right?"

"I tried." Virgil looked down at his hands. "Depression was... Set in his thinking and I wasn't... Strong enough to stand up to him alone."

"Why didn't you tell us about it? I mean, Logan and I were around at that time, right? Was Roman a core side when this happened?"

A laugh escaped Virgil's lips and Patton looked at him in shock. "Honestly, Pats, would any of you have listened to me if I popped into your territories?"  
Patton opened his mouth to respond before closing it again. As much as it pained him to admit it, Virgil had a point. The sides never would have taken him seriously back then; the other two didn't even take him seriously after Virgil initially became a core side.

"Your silence speaks volumes."

 

The wind blew through the clearing again and Virgil felt...relief. He watched as the darkness on one of the trees slowly receded.

_Well that is weird. Is this what you wanted me to do?_

Virgil didn't expect an answer to his question. Despite his nervousness about talking to Patton, the area was responding in a positive way and he was feeling good; in a rather strange way.  

Standing, Virgil grabbed his hoodie and slipped it back on. Patton sat and watched in silence; unsure of what to say next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....... I've got nothing to say really.


	11. The sealing of a friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil finally confesses how Depression ended up sealed away; something he has never had to talk about before.

"ReMeMbEr. TrUsT. AcCePt"

The voices were carried along another gust of wind. Patton shivered slightly, not hearing the voice that graced Virgil's ears but feeling the cool bite of the air.

A blanket flopped onto Patton's head. "What?" he exclaimed, crawling out from underneath.

"I would take you into my room, but we both know that won't end well."

Two bean bags appeared on the blanket and Virgil crawled over to slump down into one. Patton jumped into the other, pulling the blanket with him. He wasn't really that cold, but the weight of the blanket was very much a comfort.

"These really are comfy. I can see why you enjoy sitting in them so much." Patton snuggled deeper into the bean bag.

"Yeah." Virgil laughed. "They are very calming."

 

"Virgil?"

"Yeah, Pops."

"Earlier, you said that you sealed Depression away." Virgil waited silently for Patton to continue; even though he already knew where he was going with his questioning. "But you just said that you couldn't stand up to him alone. Was it the other impulses that helped you?"

"Some of them," Virgil sighed and positioned himself so he could look at Patton. "Most of the impulses didn't care what Depression did. They had their own path to follow. Not everyone used this Safe Space regularly...they preferred other areas."

"But some of them helped you, right?"

"Yeah. I wish some of them hadn’t though."

 

*********************************************************************************************************************************

 

The cliff edge was a buzz as the group of impulses mucked around with a paper airplane; a replica of what Thomas had made that day. Anxiety had mentioned to Deceit that he was worried about Depression's increasing effect on Thomas and the impulse had organised a meeting at the cliff edge. Envy, Greed, Lust, Gluttony, Ego, Rage, Impatience, and Guilt had all agreed to the secret meeting at the cliffs edge. Depression hadn't left the Safe Space in over a week, so they weren't worried about him showing up at all. 

 

Anxiety sat near the edge, looking down into the eternal darkness that had been slowly climbing up the cliff. He wanted to help Thomas. He wanted Depression to stop making Thomas sad, snappy and reclusive. He needed the others to help him, but he just couldn't bring himself to speak.

Impatience huffed, "Come on, Anxiety. We are here. Hurry up and tell us what this is all about."

The others stopped throwing the plane and looked at Impatience, who was standing behind Anxiety; hands on his hips and leaning to the side.

Anxiety stood and turned to where the others were; head down, fidgeting with his sleeves. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Deceit walked over to stand next to his friend and carefully laid a hand on Anxiety's back; his split eye glowing yellow. Anxiety looked up but couldn't see any of the other impulses.

"It's only you and me here, Anxiety." Deceit whispered. "You are only talking to me."

Suddenly feeling less pressure, Anxiety could finally form words and his worries poured out. Every concern he had over the effect Depression would have if he continued to grow in strength.

 

"And what do you expect us to do? What do you want from me?" questioned Greed.

Deceit twisted the words, so they sounded like they came from his own mouth.

Anxiety sighed. "I want to seal Depression away. I know a room is developing to the side of our space. I want to seal Depression in there. W-we...we can't let Depression become a core side. It wouldn't...I-I-It wouldn't be safe for Thomas. _"_

Deceit took his hand away from Anxiety and looked out at the other impulses. Some shifted awkwardly as they considered Anxiety's words, while others appeared nonchalant.

 

"Depression is getting too strong for my liking," commented Envy.

"I'm in if Envy is," Rage added.

"Count me in," Ego and Lust spoke in unison; glancing at each other and exchanging a smile.

"If we can get it done quickly, then I'll help too" Impatience flicked his hair back and turned to leave, "call me when you have worked out who will carry the seal."

Deceit looked at the final impulses, Gluttony, Greed and Guilt, "What about you three?"

"Not interested," Gluttony shrugged and turned to leave.

"I'm not giving any of my energy to help. Not sorry," added Greed, following Gluttony; leaving Guilt standing alone; all eyes on him.

"I...I don't want to hurt anyone, but..." they all waited for Guilt's response. "I won't help with the sealing, but I...I... I’ll be there...as a neutral party though."

Everyone but Anxiety nodded; acknowledging Guilt's decision.

 

"So, who will carry the burden of the seal?" Lust questioned the group.

"It was Anxiety's plan, so he should be the one to carry the seal." Rage looked around the group, and they all nodded in agreement.

 "Sounds like a horrible plan," Deceit added.

 

The impulses all instinctively knew about seals; though some would forget over time or not recall many. They used them during fusions, and they had the potential to increase their influence in their natural territory. They took energy to create, and even more to maintain. Anxiety didn't want to be the one with that much responsibility, but he knew it was unfair to expect anyone else to carry that burden.

Finally, Anxiety nodded. "I'll do it."

"It's decided then. We make a temporary fusion with Anxiety," Envy reviewed. "Anxiety then confronts Depression and seals him in that weird room. Then, we separate, and life goes back to normal."

"Sounds great to me," Rage smiled at Envy.

Virgil watched as the impulses left, before returning to his seat at the edge. He was terrified of what could go wrong, but his drive to help Thomas outweighed his fear of Depression and letting the others down.

 

***********************************************************************************************************************************

 

"Wow, Virgil, that was a really brave thing you did." Patton beamed at his friend.

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "What? How was that brave? All I did was outsource my problems."

"But you had a problem and you took steps towards solving it. I'm sure that was hard for you to do. That is brave, Virgil."

Virgil remained silent; fidgeting with his sleeves. He wasn't sure how to respond to Patton's compliment; especially considering he didn't feel that it was true.

 

"What happened next?" Patton's voice broke the silence and Virgil scratched the back of his neck and avoided eye contact.

"Exactly what we planned. We fused. I sealed depression. Life went on. End of story."

Patton laughed, "nice try, Kiddo." Patton's voice became serious. "Be honest, Virgil. What happened?"

Virgil stood up and started walking along the streams edge. Patton stayed seated and watched in silence; waiting to see if Virgil would open up or shut him out. He hoped for the former but was ready to accept the latter.

 

Virgil stopped and looked at his reflection in the stream; slightly rippled by the flowing water.

"It started with Rage fusing with the others; which was easy because they allowed him to do so. All I had to do was let Rage fuse with me, and we were ready to face Depression in the room."

"I bet it felt really good to be fused with so many of your friends," Patton offered, sensing the sadness within Virgil's voice.

"Quite the opposite. It was...painful and... wrong. Like I was me, but with 100 other thoughts and feelings coursing through me."

"Oh," that crushed Patton. He regretted interrupting now and watched as Virgil sat at the edge of the stream and continued talking.

 

 ************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Guilt looked at the newly fused impulse and frowned. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Anxiety nodded, "Ok. I'll be in the territory, waiting to see who is victorious I guess."

 

Anxiety appeared in the room just as Depression stepped out of the wardrobe, beaming from ear to ear.

"What's up, Anxiety? I just checked out the other room. It's a little bare but I'm sure you can make it work."

Every muscle in Anxiety's body wanted him to leave; just turn and run back to the cliff edge. Everything felt so wrong inside of him and the figure in front of him scared him all the way to his core. He knew what he planned to do. What he had to do. Yet he had to fight against every fibre of his being to bring himself to do it.

"You have become a danger to Thomas." He tried to sound confident, but his voice wavered. "You need to stop..."

"Stop what? I'm a part of Thomas. Shouldn't he be feeling what I am feeling?"

"You aren't helping Thomas at all." Anxiety felt his confidence slowly increasing. "All you are doing is holding him back."

**_"And what is it that you do_**?" Depressions voice started to distort and echo around the room.  " ** _How are you any better than me?"_**

**"** I...I keep Thomas safe. I hate going out, but Thomas can't spend all his days at home."

Depression laughed and walked straight past Anxiety towards the door for the territory.

"You are too strong Depression." Anxiety raised his voice and faced his friend with newfound strength. "You need to back off or we will make you."

 

Rage may have been fused with Anxiety, but Depression had his own anger and sense of self preservation. Anxiety wasn't going to stop him in his room. He turned and met Anxiety's eyes.

**_"You can't stop me, Anxiety. You are just a little, insignificant impulse. I am important. Thomas wants me. I wouldn't have a room if he didn't."_ **

Depression lunged forward, fist clenched and ready to strike. Anxiety braced himself for the oncoming punch, when he felt the push of Rage igniting his fight reflex. He dodged Depression's oncoming punch and kicked out hard with his foot, sending the impulse tumbling backwards.

_" **That was foolish, Anxiety.**_ " Depression spat, standing back up to face his former friend. " ** _Do you really think you can take what is mine? I'm going to be a core side, whether you like it or not!_** "

Depression charged at Anxiety again, faster and in an animalistic fashion. Anxiety found himself pinned against a wall before he could even register what had happened.

**_"Maybe you are the one that needs to stop. Thomas is MINE to control."_** Depression's knee collided with Anxiety's stomach, and he threw the impulse to the ground. **_"Pathetic, little, no-name. You must be seriously fucked up if you thought you could beat me alone."_**

 

Anxiety hissed as he pushed himself up, "I'm not alone."

**_"What was that?"_** Depression grabbed Anxiety's jacket and pulled him up close, ready to throw the impulse down again.

"I said," Anxiety's eyes flared bright purple. "I'm not alone."

Anxiety visualised chains wrapping around Depression's wrist. As the black chains formed and took hold, Depression released the impulse; dropping him to the ground.

**_"What do you think you are DOING!"_** roared Depression, pulling at the chains encompassing his wrists.

"I'm protecting Thomas."

 

The wardrobe door burst open and two chains snaked out. Depression tried to run, but the chains grabbed at his ankles and forced him to the floor.

" ** _Do you think this is enough to stop ME!"_** Depression fought against the chains vigorously, but they were fused to his body; pulling him towards the wardrobe.

Anxiety hissed in pain as his skin burned to form the first two circles of the seal.

Laughter echoed around the room as multiple black shadows began emerging from the walls. " ** _Do you think you are strong enough to deal with Thomas' darkest thoughts without me?"_**

The shadows lunged forward and crashed into Anxiety, knocking all the air out of his lungs and he immediately dropped to the ground.

 

The closer Depression came to the wardrobe, the more shadows emerged from the walls, floor and the room itself. Each one crashed into Anxiety with so much force, he thought he would never get air into his lungs ever again. He knew the others were still fused with him, but he couldn't sense their presence at all. There was only his own fear and pain. Anxiety felt his consciousness slipping, but to do so would undo the two seals already in place and trap the others inside of him.

"I... can’t...let...them...down." Anxiety huffed, doing his best to push himself up despite the pressure of the shadows.

" ** _What was that, Anxiety?"_**

"YOU! _"_

Depression was quickly pulled into the wardrobe with an increased force. Anxiety followed him into the dark room and stared at the confused impulse.

_"WILL NOT!"_

Anxiety's arm felt like it was on fire as a cage of black formed around Depression.

" _HURT THOMAS!"_

Depression's eyes grew wide with fear as he realised what was happening. The shadows were being absorbed by Anxiety, instead of knocking him around. Desperate to stop the sealing, Depression made one final attempt by pulling his shadows together and aiming for one concentrated hit.

"ANYMORE!"

 

It happened all at once. The final seal formed on Anxiety's arm, connecting the other circles together. The cage surrounding Depression became solid. Then, Depressions concentrated spear of shadows pierced through Anxiety's chest from behind. Anxiety felt everything, and yet he felt nothing at the same time. The world went dark....

 

*********************************************************************************************************************************

 

A sob behind him made Virgil stop and he turned to see tears sliding down Patton's cheeks. Noticing Virgil's stare, Patton pulled the blanket up to cover his face.

"Don't mind me," Patton sniffed, his voice muffled by the blanket. "Keep going...if you want to."

Standing, Virgil sighed and moved to sit next to Patton; leaning on the bean bag. He knew physical closeness was helpful when feeling upset. As much as he hated it, it was useful, and he wanted to help Patton as much as this talking was helping him.

 

The area seemed brighter now; as if enhanced by a photo filter. Less trees were choked by dark shadows and even the water somehow had a more peaceful rhythm to its flow.  Virgil smiled to himself, realising that this was exactly what the voices had wanted him to do and he liked that he was being rewarded. Leaning back, he pulled back his sleeve to look at the seal. Patton peaked out from behind the blanket so he could hear Virgil clearly.

"I don't know what happened after that. I woke up in my room, but not everyone was there."

 

****************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

The room seemed larger and darker after the sealing and Anxiety slowly sat up and inspected the area. He noticed Lust helping Ego up off the ground, and Rage was observing Deceit as he crafted a new lock for the wardrobe door. Looking around it became clear that Impatience and Envy were nowhere to be seen.

"What is going on, guys? Where are the others?"

The four impulses suddenly turned to all look at Anxiety, fear and shock in their eyes. He instantly felt sick from their gazes, and his head spun violently causing him to stumble backwards. Lust was behind him in no time, and carefully guided Anxiety back to the ground.

"You're ok," Lust panted.

"We knew you were going to be alright," Deceit roughly patted Rage on the back. "I told you he was only sleeping."

Anxiety rubbed his head, "Great to know you had confidence in me, Deceit."

"I'm not sorry. You were so vibrant, and we assumed you were fine."

Anxiety groaned and felt himself leaning more against Lust. His exhaustion outweighing any worries over annoying the impulse.

"Not fading on us, are you?" Lust questioned nervously. "We've already lost enough friends today."

 

Anxiety felt sick down in the very pit of his stomach as he realised what had happened, and why the others had reacted the way they had when he woke up. Envy and Impatience hadn't returned after the fusion, meaning they were now fused with one of them or they had faded into the mindscape. Anxiety hoped the first option had happened; Thomas still needed those impulses even though they weren't part of his core sides.

 

Anxiety was knocked out of his thoughts by the soft slapping of someone's palm against his cheek. "Oi! Anxiety!" Rage's harsh voice rang in his ears. "You're looking pale again."

 "I'm always pale," Anxiety mumbled.

The surrounding impulses collectively sighed. "Let's get out of here for a bit," Rage piped up. "This place is starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth."

 

Lust gripped Anxiety tight and all the impulses teleported to the edge of the mindscape. Lust positioned themself so they could sit comfortably with Anxiety resting in their lap, and slowly ran their hand through the exhausted impulse's hair.

"So, what is the plan now?" Rage asked, staring out at the orange painted sky.

"We go back to focusing on our jobs." Lust watched Anxiety's features relax with each stroke through his hair. "We help Thomas and keep searching for our place in the mindscape."

Ego sat next to Lust, inspecting the scars on Anxiety's arm that formed the seal of Depression's cage. Rage and Deceit joined the others on the ground. None of them wanted to return to the safe space; it certainly wasn't feeling safe at that moment.

Anxiety listened to his friend's breathing as they all sat in silence, unable to celebrate a victory with the lingering loss of their friends.

 

 

****************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Patton threw his arms awkwardly around Virgil's shoulders in an attempt to hug him.

"Fuck." The shift in weight on the bean bag caused Virgil to fall to the ground, knocking his head and Patton rolled onto Virgil's chest. Virgil coughed, "Shit, Pat. Calm down."

"I'm sorry," Patton sobbed; quickly sitting up and wrapping the blanket tightly around himself. "I j-j-just feel s-s-so ba-ba-bad."

"Woah, woah, woah." Virgil sat up and put his hands on Patton's shoulders. "You need to stop for a second and just breathe for me, Pat."

Virgil started counting for Patton to breathe; the moral side did his best to comply through his sobs.

 

"You alright now?"

Patton pulled Virgil into a tight hug, pressing his face against Virgil's chest. "Much better."

"Alright, alright," Virgil pushed Patton back. "That is way too much physical contact."

Patton lent back, "Sorry, Kiddo. I guess I got a little carried away there."

"It's cool. You do have a lot of feelings."  Virgil gave Patton a half smile and adjusted his hoodie. "I'm sorry I overloaded you with all of that. I should have stopped when I saw it was upsetting you."

"No. No," Patton adjusted himself and regained his composure. "I'm glad you told me."

"Yeah. Well..." Virgil rubbed the back of his head. "I'm glad I told you too. I... I actually feel a lot better now."

 

Patton beamed, "See! Talking about our problems really does help."

Virgil couldn't help but laugh and stood, holding his hand out for Patton to take it. "I should really get you back to the common area. I think you've been gone long enough."

Using Virgil's hand, Patton pulled himself up. "Sounds fine by me, but I have one more question."

"Ugh, of course you do. What is it?"

"Oh, well," Patton fidgeted with his cardigan. "What happened to you after all that? It sounds like you and the other impulses were all good friends, but you said that Ego and Lust left on bad terms."

 

Suddenly, the ground seemed like a great thing to look at and Virgil swore his heart stopped for a second.

"Well, it turned out Depression was right...The room was for me and I became the thing that they all hated; a core side."

"I'm sure th..."

"I was a total ass, Pat. I ignored Lust and Ego and then shunned them when they decided to stay in the kingdom. I lied to Rage and Deceit. I literally deceived the physical embodiment of deceit."

"Is that why you were so secluded when you became a core side?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to be a side...I didn't feel worthy. I still don’t sometimes. When I started appearing before Thomas; that was when the others found out."

"I'm guessing they weren't very happy about that." Patton's voice was low and quiet, missing his usual positive vibe.

"No. I wasn't in a good place after that. I didn't think I belonged here... And I hurt Thomas."

"That was when you sealed yourself in your room, right? Cutting off your influence."

Virgil nodded solemnly. "That was a really stupid decision."

"Oh, I don't think so," Patton perked up. "Actually, that was an awesome thing you did."

"What?" Virgil looked up at Patton, completely confused.   
"Think about it. After you did that, we realised how important you were to Thomas. I mean, I wish we knew that sooner, but it was an important turning point for all of us."

"Hmm, I guess you're right... Alright. Enough of this." Virgil shook his head, "Way too much sharing and social interaction. Time to go back."

"Yay!" Patton through his arms around Virgil and laughed as the other side groaned.

Virgil took them back to the hallway and found Logan and Roman arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this update. I go back to my normal working life this week :-( But I have planned to allow myself time to keep writing. Would actually be good for my mental health to break up work with my creative hobbies, rather than turning into a working machine like I normally do.


	12. Let it go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Patton arrive back in the common area to find Roman and Logan arguing; typical.

"Why did you let me do that?"

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself, why would I stop you?"

"We had a job to do."

"Yeah, but..."

"But nothing, you were meant to be taking me to the mirror."

"We would have gotten there eventually."

"Would we? It sure seemed like you were lost?"

"I was not lost."

 

Roman and Logan were once again so engrossed in their argument that they didn't sense Virgil and Patton's arrival.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I could tell by the way you took us straight to the mirror, that you knew exactly where you were going."

"It is a really big castle, Organic Panic!"

"Hey! You PROMISED not to mention that name again!"

"You were the one that was dancing around MY halls singing about it being your new name."

"I was under the influence of YOUR room, YOU..."

 

"Woah, there. Chill out, L." Virgil raised an eyebrow at the unconventional argument between Logan and Roman. "You are seriously losing your mature vibe right now."

Logan was quick to compose himself and smoothed his tie down. "Yes. You are quite right, Virgil. I am above such pettiness."

Roman folded his arms and scoffed, "Mr Maturity was the one who started it."

"And we are here to finish it." Patton added before Logan could fire back.

"Fine," Roman whined.

"I too, am willing to let the argument go," Logan added. "Roman, I forgive you for getting us lost while trying to locate the mirror."

Roman smiled, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Well in that case, I forgive you for performing..."

"Nope," Virgil cut Roman off. It was obvious that Logan had been influenced by Roman's room and done something he was clearly embarrassed about. As much as he enjoyed the banter, Virgil wasn't about to let Roman take it too far and push Logan over the edge. "Let it go, Princey."

 

Roman looked at Virgil and sighed. "For real this time. Truce, Logan." Roman held his hand out to Logan and waited.

Logan accepted the gesture, "Truce."

"Well now, that is more like it," Patton smiled. "Nice work, Virgil."

"Thanks. Can I go now?" Virgil shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and took a few tentative steps back towards his door.

"Are you ok?" Roman asked, looking down at Virgil's arm where he had previously grabbed him. "I mean, is your arm ok now?"

"It's fine, Princey. It wasn't your fault. It was..." The words got caught in Virgil's throat as he realised how many bodies were present around him. _Why can't I say it? I want to tell them now....I don't want to tell them though. Why is this still so hard?_

Patton placed a hand on Virgil's shoulder and gave the side a reassuring smile.

 

_Just like a Band-Aid._ Virgil dropped his head and kept his eyes fixated on the floor as he quickly pulled his sleeve up to reveal his bruised and scarred arm.

"I helped deal with Depression years ago. This scar is the seal that keeps him locked away." Logan and Roman stared in stunned silence _. Easy enough to say. Now to shut down any further questioning while I'm on a roll._ "I was weak from getting us away from the impulses at the cliff; hence the easy bruising. It's no big deal, you just grabbed the wrong arm... Don't over think this too much, it's fine. I'm fine. Nothing needs to change."

Roman breathed a sigh of relief, nudged Logan's arm and whispered, "I really hate you right now."

 

"This is fascinating," Logan left Roman chuckling to himself and reached out to inspect Virgil's arm. Careful not to be too firm or touch Virgil's scars in any way, Logan let his eyes take in all aspects of the seal. "Such a simple design. It appears to be burnt onto your skin. Some of these marks are less raised. Is this an indication of the seals strength or of aging?"

"Umm, it's just an aging thing." Virgil retracted his arm and pulled his sleeve back down. "Soooo, you are all satisfied now, right? I can go and try and get back to normality?"

Logan opened his mouth to question Virgil further, but Patton and Roman quickly stood in front of him.

"Absolutely."  
"You deserve a break, Kiddo." Virgil smiled and was just about to vanish when Patton spoke up again. "Just remember, we are here if you need us."

Virgil nodded and vanished back into his room.

 

"I take it this means you and Virgil had an informative meeting, Patton." Logan enquired, causing Patton and Roman to turn around.

Patton nodded enthusiastically, "Yeppers. It was hard to hear, but I think I understand what happened."

Logan and Roman exchanged a glance as Patton started moving towards his door. "Well?" they said in unison.

"What?" Patton turned and looked at the other sides in confusion.

Logan slammed the palm of his hand on his forehead and made an exasperated sound. "Really, Patton? Care to share with the class?"

"Yeah, Padre. Did you find out about Envy? Or Anger Management? Or Mr Slithers?"

"Oh," Patton turned to face his friends; a serious expression on his usually happy face. "Yes. Virgil was telling the truth, Roman. Envy isn't involved."

"But, Lust said..."  
Patton shook his head, "Trust me, Roman. Based on what Virgil told me, Envy isn't around anymore."

Roman looked away as he began to comprehend what Patton was saying; Envy was either part of a fusion or had faded. Now he felt really bad for arguing with Virgil earlier.

 

"What about Rage and Deceit, Patton. Were you able to acquire any further information on Deceit and Rage's motives?"

"Weeell," Patton fidgeted with his cardigan as he considered Logan's question. "I'm not, um... Entirely sure. I think this is something that has been happening for a while. From what Virgil said, he lied to them and I think they feel betrayed."

"So, they've been messing with Virgil these past few years because of that?" Roman moved to lean against his door and did his best to process everything he had learned recently.

Logan tapped at his chin thoughtfully, "Do you think they intend on harming Virgil or doing anything that may cause Thomas harm?"

Shaking his head, Patton took a deep breath. "I don't think so. They helped seal Depression away to keep Thomas safe. I can't see them doing anything to hurt him. They may still mess with Virgil though."  
"So we should probably keep an eye on that. Rage did fuse with me, in what we can assume, was one of his intended games with Virgil."

"I still haven't paid him back for that," growled Roman.

"No need for that, Roman. No harm was really done. Logan was fine in the end and we don't want to make this worse."

"I agree with Patton."  
"So again, you expect me to sit back and just let this stuff happen? Is that your big plan?"

"Yes." Logan turned to head towards his own door.

"I mean, maybe Virgil will talk to us more about this stuff now.” Patton gave Roman a reassuring smile. “We can keep an eye on him, but I don't think we should get between them. Virgil might not like that... Not right now anyway."

"Alright. But if either of those two should show their faces to me, then I won't hesitate to give them a piece of my mind."

"Sounds super, Roman."  
 

The three sides went their separate ways, feeling like they understood the situation a lot better now and the common area was once again left empty. Logan lent against his closed door and stared at the back wall of his small room; hoping Patton's assumptions were correct. It made sense that Deceit and Rage wouldn't wish to harm Thomas based on their past behaviour, but he couldn't shake a small feeling that something was amiss.

"Don't jump to any conclusions," he reminded himself out loud as he headed towards his library. "Focus on the facts; nothing else."

  

**************************************************************************************************************

 

Virgil flopped onto his bed and opened his mind to roam around the room.

_Spiders are fine… Depression's cage is still sealed…. shadows doing their usual thing… puddle of black goo in the corner_...

His eyes flew open and Virgil sat up, staring at the corner of his room where he had sensed the puddle.

_What the heck is that?_

Moving with caution, Virgil made his way over to inspect the liquid; careful not to touch the unknown substance.

_Seriously, what is this stuff?_

**_Touch it and find out._ **

_Well because you told me too, I am definitely NOT going anywhere near it._

**_Too bad. I really wanted to see what would happen. Good to have you back old friend. I missed feeling your presence here._ **

_The feeling is mutual._

 

Moving back to his bed, Virgil leant back and contemplated going to sleep; mulling over the multiple possibilities.

_I've slept a lot lately, I probably shouldn't sleep anymore…. But I am still really drained._

_The seal is weaker now and I need to be more vigilant…... But vigilance is pointless if I’m too tired to sense anything._

_If I go to sleep in here, Depression could give me another nightmare…. But he probably used a lot of his energy forcing the last one and is still recovering._

_I should use this time now to regain strength, so I am ready for the next thing. Thomas needs me at my best._

 

Sleep won in the end; he couldn't be denied forever. Depression laid on the floor of his cage, humming a tune to himself and doing his best to reach out to Virgil. He could sense the side sleeping; mind blank and void of memories.

**_What a shame. No show for me right now. I guess I might need to work on a show of my own._ **

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Thomas spent the next few days filming with Camden, Talyn and Joan for a new Joystick Joyride series; giving the sides plenty of alone time. Virgil did his best to return to his normal routines, while working out a way to strengthen Depression's seal. He could now see Lust and Ego's marks again, but they were barely raised above his skin.

_I can't ask anyone else to add another seal, that wouldn't be fair._

Virgil settled on trying to draw a seal on Depression's door, the same one he had used to cut himself off from Thomas.

**_Do you really think that will work, Anxiety?_ **

_Worth a shot._

**_That simple little trick won't work. Don't foo..._ **

Virgil drew the final line of his triangular pattern and Depression's voice was cut off. He froze in pure shock.

_Surely it wasn't that easy. No fucken way it was THAT easy._

He didn't want to believe it, but as the hours went by and Depression remained silent, he had no choice but to believe it.

 

Patton, Logan and Roman gave Virgil his space as promised and visited Thomas singularly to fill him in on the recent events. While he was initially upset, Thomas came around and decided to work with Roman to start planning a new script.

"Maybe I should work on a more in-depth arc for Deceit? Perhaps something with a little redemption? What do you think, Roman?"

"Hmm. While I don’t think he really deserves it, it could work. Viewers love a good redemption arc." Roman scratched at his chin thoughtfully and paced around the room. "How would we do it though? Which style would be the best? Loki? Professor SNAPE? ZUKO?"

"Woah there, Kiddos." Patton rose up into the room, putting a stop to Roman's increasing excitement. "Don't get too far ahead of yourselves. Shouldn't we consult Deceit, or at least Virgil, before we start a complex story line like this."

Roman made a loud whining sound, "But I just had so many good ideas."

"But Patton isn't saying that they are necessarily 'bad' ideas," Thomas placed an arm around Roman's shoulders. "You can still write them down, but... We might just have to hold off on using them for a bit. Just until we've consulted with Virgil...and Deceit."

 

An alert on Thomas' computer drew the groups attention. Thomas moved to read the email that had come through and his emotional response brought Logan and Virgil to the room. Logan appeared with a notebook in his hand, while Virgil flopped to the ground dripping wet and looking extremely annoyed.

"What on earth happened to you?" Roman enquired, hiding a snicker at the sight of the wet side.

Groaning, Virgil sat up and snapped back into dry attire. "I got wet."  
"How does reading an email cause someone to become so wet. It isn't logical."

Patton gasped, "Did you fall into…" 

 

"Forget about that," Virgil was quick to cut Patton off. He didn't want to admit that the email had stressed him out so much that he had slipped into the stream. "Thomas, cannot go to that event."  
"On the contrary, I believe his attendance would be quite beneficial." Logan sat on the lounge and continued writing in his notebook.

Patton looked up from the computer where he and Roman were reading the email, "It sure looks like fun, but what is an influencer?" 

"Influencer is becoming a common term for online personalities with large social media followings." commented Logan, "Thomas certainly qualifies as one and he could always benefit from learning..."

"Think of all the collaborations we could organise at an event like that!" Roman was buzzing with excitement at the idea of being able to create multiple new videos with other creators.

 

Thomas watched as Roman, Logan and Patton continued to express their excitement over the email. A simple invitation to an influencers event in Los Angeles had three of the sides overflowing with excitement, curiosity and creativity; yet Thomas did not want to go at all. 

"It all sounds stupid to me."

Everyone turned to look at Virgil who was hanging upside down from the lounge. Virgil closed his eyes and vanished to appear back on the stairs; hoodie up over his head and in defensive mode. Although Depression was silent, he could feel the shadows reaching out to him from his room; fuelling his fear and uncertainty.

 

************************************************************************************

 

Rage stood in one of Roman's rooms breathing heavily after running from Estelle and two other guard dragons. Roman believed his maze of a room would make it harder for impulses to influence him and Thomas, when in fact it just made it easier for Rage to escape detection. The walls were lined with mirrors of different shapes and sizes, reflecting Rage around the room from multiple angles.

Focusing hard, a wall of mirrors shifted to reflect Thomas' lounge room and the visiting sides. Rage chuckled at the sight of Virgil's wet form lying on the floor.

"Looking good as always, Anxiety."

Rage sat on the ground and lent back against one of the mirrors, feeling himself connect with Roman. The link was small, but enough for Rage to get a good show.

 

Behind him, Ego and Lust's forms were briefly reflected in the mirror; smiling at their old friend. Rage caught a glimpse of the two impulses before they faded and smiled.

"Good to know you two are happy and still watching out for me. Are you ready for a bit of fun?"

" _It all sounds stupid to me._ "

Virgil's words echoed around the room and Rage smiled, pushing his influence on Roman and enjoying the rush of having some control.

 

*****************************************************************************************

 

Roman eyed Virgil, "Haven't you been listening? We could meet new people to make videos with."

"Yeah, and we would make a fool out of ourselves in front of every one of them." _How can we keep up with all the new creators out there?_

"Think about the new followers we could get. We could inspire so many more people."

Roman moved from the lounge to stand in front of Virgil, looking down at the grumpy side. Virgil stood up, not liking Roman's intimidating stance.

"Inspire more people to hate on Thomas and his friends."

"Are you serious?"

"Do I need Logan's necktie on to prove I'm being serious?"

"Can't you contribute anything positive, Invader Grim?"

"It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, Gir."

"Are you comparing me to a dumb robot?"

"You said it, not me."

Virgil frowned at Roman, watching his fist clench in anger. _Rage snuck into Roman's room again. So much for his great defences._

 

"Aw, somebody needs a hug!" Patton threw his arms around Virgil and Roman and pulled the three of them together.

"Surprisingly, I'm not enjoying this sudden physical contact." Virgil pushed away from the other two, his voice thick with sarcasm.

Patton pulled Roman back towards the lounge, "Sorry _for invading_ your space, Kiddos, but both of you need to settle down."

Roman grumbled under his breath and sat on the lounge in a huff, arms tightly folded.

"Thanks, Patton." Thomas smiled at his moral side, "But Virgil has some good points."

 

Finally closing his notebook, Logan adjusted his glasses and spoke up. "We should listen to Virgil's concerns, in a civilised manner, and work with him to ensure the best outcome for Thomas."

"What about MY concerns?" grumbled Roman, looking at Logan. "The more social Thomas is, the more followers we gain. The more followers we gain..."

"The more people can dislike and complain about the content." _I really don't want to deal with a large social event right now. Not after everything that has happened._

 "For the love of Disney! What is your problem?" Roman's voice increased in volume as he continued to allow Rage to influence him.

"What's your problem? I'm not the one yelling _." Please let it go, Roman. Are you too thick to sense Rage's influence_?

"I'm not yelling! I'm speaking at an appropriately reasonable level to get my point through your thick skull."

"Reasonably irritating."

Thomas, Patton and Logan were at a loss as the two sides continued their argument.

 

"All we have done lately is listen to YOU!" Virgil felt his heart start to race; Thomas' did the same.

"Pander to YOUR needs!"

Rage was laughing hysterically in Roman’s room, watching Virgil on the verge of panic; oblivious to how the exchange was affecting Thomas. He continued to push his own anger towards Virgil into the room and Roman spoke impulsively, unable to consider how his words were affecting those around him.

 

"We worry about YOUR well being! YOU! YOU! YOU! Stop being so selfish!"

"Enough!" Logan and Patton yelled. Patton stood in front of Roman, blocking his view of Virgil; while Logan did the same for the other side.

Resting his hands on Virgil's shoulders, Logan set to work on calming the side down.

_Breathe. Get it back together... For Thomas' sake._

"What is going on with you guys?" Thomas' voice came out small, as he looked between the frustrated creative side and the trembling anxious side. "There... There isn't any need for this much anger."

 

Roman's eyes flashed gold and Estelle crashed into the room where Rage was hiding. Rage smiled at the dragon, knowing Roman was looking through Estelle's eyes. The impulse vanished; fleeing the room and returning safely to neutral territory. Getting into Roman’s room may have been bothersome, but thankfully leaving was extremely easy for him.

 

Closing his eyes and bowing his head, Roman sighed. "I... I'm sorry about that. It would seem I neglected to notice the presence of Rage in my room."

Thomas and Patton both pulled Roman into a tight hug and smothered him with reassuring comments. Logan sat on the step next to Virgil and looked down at the anxious side in confusion.

"You knew Rage was in Roman's room, didn't you?" Virgil nodded. "Why did you feed into him instead of saying something?"

Sighing deeply into his hoodie, Virgil looked up at Logan from his hunched position. "Rage only enhances what we are already feeling. Roman needed to get that off his chest. He's feeling neglected." _Well, Ego was feeling neglected._

Logan adjusted his glasses, "Ok. Are you ready to find an appropriate solution to this problem?”

"As I'll ever be."

 

"Now that we have gotten all of the 'feelings' out of the way, may we return the discussion to the matter at hand." All eyes turned to Logan as he stood in the centre of the room. "First point of business, Thomas, do you want to attend this event?"

Looking away, Thomas thought hard about the event and all the possible benefits Patton, Logan and Roman had mentioned earlier. "Yes. It would be great to catch up with people and meet new creators-um, 'influencers' and stuff."

"Ok then. Now, I can see Virgil's concerns. At this stage, you don't know many others who will be attending and that is a lot of 'strangers' to deal with. A high concentration of individuals causes Virgil, and therefore Thomas, higher levels of distress. We need to lower this for Thomas to be able to enjoy the event fully and not exhaust Virgil."

"Why don't we just invite our friends to join us."

"Brilliant, Patton. We know how the familiar presence of friends helps Virgil feel more at ease."

"Logan! Patton! That is perfect." Thomas beamed and looked towards the stairs were Virgil was still leaning casually against the wall. "Does that work for you, Virge?"

"Whatever," he shrugged and pushed his hands deep into his pockets. "I guess I can deal with that."

"Well ok then. Another problem solved. I should probably get back to work now guys."

 

Logan adjusted his glasses, "Glad we could help."

"Sounds like a plan," Roman smiled at Thomas. "Well, TTFN."

 Roman started to sink out of the room when Patton called out, "Ta Ta Fairy Narwals."

"What are you talking about?" Roman asked, rising back up into the room.

Logan rubbed at his eyebrows, "In what universe does that make any sense?"

Patton shrugged, "Makes sense to me," and sunk out.

"Even I can't imagine what that is." Roman sunk out and attempted to picture what features a Fairy Narwal would have.

"Sometimes I wonder if Roman is really the source of all of my creativity,” Thomas thought out loud. “I wonder what it would be like if Patton had full creative control."

"For the sake of my sanity," Logan started to sink out. "Please don't ever give Patton creative control."  
Thomas laughed at looked over at Virgil, who was still sitting on the stairs. "Are you ok, Virge?"

"I'll be fine, Thomas. I just need time to...process this."

"Ok. Yeah...that's reasonable. It will be ok though, you'll see. I'll go get my friends on board and it will be a great event."

Virgil forced a smile and nodded _. I guess it will be ok. It usually is._ "See ya, Thomas," he gave him a small wave before sinking out to his room.

 

***********************************************************************************

 

Thomas organised his trip to LA with Joan, Talyn and Camden; as much as he wished more of his friends would come, the timing just wasn’t in their favour.  With Depression being so silent, Virgil kept his worries under control and Logan was able to come up with a counter for all his concerns. They were all set for a problem free trip; the perfect recipe for everything to go wrong.

 

"I will admit, I did not consider the possibility that Joan and Talyn would both fall ill or that Camden's family would require him so urgently."

The four sides sat in the common room, watching over Thomas as he listened to music alone on the flight to LA. The empty seats served as a reminder of how alone he was, and he was thankful that this was only going to be a short trip.

"I didn't consider it either, Logan.” Virgil lied, closing his eyes and leaning back into his bean bag. “I thought of everything else but this."

Having none of Thomas’ friends around was so unlikely the Virgil hadn’t even mentioned it out loud. He breathed deeply through his nose to try and quell his racing heart as the plane rocked with mild turbulence.  

"Cheer up you two." Patton smiled, throwing a cookie over to Virgil. "I'm sure it will work out just fine. How many times has Thomas flown solo before?"

"One too many," Virgil grumbled and shoved the cookie in his mouth.

"Yeees. Well, then that means that this could still be a great weekend. We'll make new friends..."

"Get new ideas for videos..."

"Learn something new..."  
"Ok. Ok. I get it." Virgil stood up and dusted cookie crumbs off his hoodie. "I'll keep it in check... In my room."

"You sure you're ok, Virge?" Roman asked, shifting on the lounge to see Virgil better.

The creative side still felt guilty for his outburst a week ago, and nothing he had said or done lately seemed to be helping him feel better. Planning for the trip had provided a good distraction, but in the end the feeling remained.

Virgil gave his friends a reassuring smile, "A-O-K. Been fine for a while now. Catch you later." He vanished to his room, happy to avoid further discussion and focus on keeping calm and in control for Thomas' sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Presents self with procrastination award* 
> 
> I sat at my computer editing and writing all day instead of doing my paperwork for work. oops


	13. Under the Influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Virgil cope in a high anxiety situation without Thomas’ usual supports? The sides have a plan; hopefully everything goes according to it.

Virgil sat at the bottom of the stream, watching Thomas muck around in his hotel room for an Instagram vlog. The waters current slowly pushed him back to the surface and Virgil happily took the air back into his lungs.

"ReMeMbEr"

The word was carried through the forest by its usual breeze and Virgil groaned outwardly.

"That really isn't helping anymore. What else is there to remember?"

"ReMeMbEr"

"What?" Virgil looked around the area, taking in the water falling from the mountain, the surrounding forest and the rock formation that led back to his room. "I don't have anything else TOO remember. If you want me to do something so bad, then tell me what to actually do."

"ReMeMbEr"

"Fuck it! I'm out."

 

The breeze blew harder and louder as he stomped back to his room, but Virgil was sick and tired of the cryptic breeze. He didn't know what it wanted him to do and the darkness was creeping back into the trees that he had cleared by talking to Patton. Depression remained silent, but the voices in his territory had increased in frequency.

Summoning his desk, Virgil sat down to start reviewing his concerns for the influencer event. Logan had previously taught him to write down his concerns and then Logan would add his rebuttal. It often worked for new situations and helped Virgil deal with the increase in shadows because his mind was already focused. Looking over his and Logan's notes caused the time to pass by easily.

 

*************************************************************************************

 

Depression sat at the edge of his cage, arms reaching out between the bars, letting his fingers dance in a black puddle that had formed at the base of the cage. A shadow sat on the other side of the puddle, it's face had a shine that Depression could almost see his reflection in.

**_“_ ** **Tomorrow is set to be a busy day, my little friend.”**

The shadow responded by moving closer and Depression stroked its head with a wet hand; increasing the gloss on its face so he could just make out the reflection of his grey eyes.

**_“_ ** **Such a good-looking little shadow. I know Anxiety is just going to LOVE you. I can't wait to introduce you one day soon.”**

 

********************************************************************

 

The event was for invited influencer groups only and encouraged people from different social media platforms to come together. After entering the building, Thomas looked in his welcome pack and reviewed the various pamphlets and free samples.

They had all prepared themselves. Virgil had remained in balance enough to give Thomas a good night sleep. Logan had planned out Thomas' day to ensure he would take breaks away from the crowd and attend only the most beneficial panels and information sessions. Roman and Patton were overflowing with excitement and anticipation. Together they worked to hype Thomas up despite Virgil's increasing anxiousness.

 

Virgil sat in his territory, watching Thomas' ghostly form join a small crowd of people to watch a camera demonstration. He processed the shadows as they formed in his room; wanting to stay on top and in control. He was prepared for the shadows, but not the voices.

"ReMeMbEr"

"ReMeMbEr"

Thomas started talking to a new group and the shadows increased. Virgil concentrated and kept himself as calm as possible.

"ReMeMbEr"

"Why don't you remember to shut up."

"ReMeMbEr"

"ReMeMbEr"

 

Relief flooded Virgil as Thomas answered a call from Terrance and found a secluded area to talk. 

"ReMeMbEr"

"ReMeMbEr"

"ReMeMbEr AnD AcCePt"

"Well that was new." Virgil looked around and waited. “What do I need to accept?”

Thankful that the breeze had something new to say, Virgil hoped the mindscape would finally provide a less cryptic response.

"ReMeMbEr"

"Oh, come on! If you haven’t got anything new to tell me, would you just shut up!"

 

His moment of social reprieve was short lived, as Thomas quickly ended his phone call and headed back into the heart of the event.

"ReMeMbEr"

"For fucks sake! I'd rather deal with the shadows than this shit."

The ghostly scene vanished as Virgil headed back into his room; he could deal with the shadows without watching Thomas the whole time, sensing would be enough.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

Rage and Deceit walked through the caves that led to Virgil's territory, pausing at the mouth of the cave.

"Is he out there?" Deceit questioned, watching as Rage closed his eyes to sense the side.

"Nah, he just stormed off into his room. The coast is clear."

 

Deceit led the way through the forest towards the clearing and stream.

"This place is certainly brighter than normal. It suits it."

Rage raised his eyebrow, "I'm guessing that is a sign that Anxiety is weaker. Have to admit, I am surprised."

"And you never doubted me."

 

The two impulses reached the clearing and sat in the cave behind the waterfall. The wall of water hid them from view while they remained close enough to the doorway to be able to sense the anxious side in the room.

"I know I've asked this enough, but..." Rage looked at the familiar water scene in front of him. "Are you sure this won't release Depression, or harm Thomas in any way?"

"Keep on asking, Rage; the answer always changes."

Rage sighed and leaned back against the cool rock, closing his eyes and opening his senses to his surroundings. He trusted Deceit; had done so for a long time. Taking back his seal was going to be like taking back control of his life and would hopefully fill the void inside of him. At least that was what he hoped to achieve; revenge was only a small part of his motivation.

 

******************************************************************

 

The shadows were now constantly surrounding Virgil, and the day seemed to be dragging on forever. Sitting in the centre of his room, Virgil's heart rate began to increase as he realised just how many shadows were still occupying the room and the clock ticked slower.

Virgil was so distracted that he didn't sense Deceit enter the room until the hairs on the back of his neck raised at his subconscious awareness of a new presence. Deceit's eyes glowed yellow and he grabbed Virgil's shoulder. Virgil's eyes glazed over as Deceit flooded his mind with the idea that he was drowning under the shadows and he lost all sense of reality.

"Take your time, Rage! I have got all day!" Deceit called out and Rage entered the room, pushing shadows aside so he could kneel next to the anxious side.

Choked sounds escaped Virgil's mouth as Rage pushed his sleeve up to reveal the seal; the shadows crowded around and pushed against the side and impulses.  Rage placed a sharpened nail against his scar on Virgil's arm; pausing to look at Lust and Ego's faded marks.

"That doesn't look right, Deceit. Maybe we shouldn't do this. These seals don't look very strong after all."

"Fine," Deceit scrunched up his face and concealed one of his arms from Rage's vision. In a split second, his glove was gone, and his own nail sliced through his seal on Virgil's arm. The shadows pushed against the impulses with increased force as they were pulled into Virgil's body; knocking Rage enough to cut into his seal in the process.

 

Virgil screeched in pain as a blast of energy escaped him, pushing Deceit and Rage away. Cracks started running up the walls of the room, paint chips littered the floor and floated along an unfelt breeze. Virgil sat up and wrapped his arms around his middle in agony; the whole room appeared to shake in response.

Rage looked around in fear before locking eyes with Deceit, just as the impulse disappeared. The room steadied and Virgil groaned, bracing a hand on the ground while the other cupped his face.

Rage remained frozen; unsure of what had happened or what would happen next.

Virgil slowly raised his head and looked around, taking in the damaged room and Rage’s frozen figure.

"GET OUT!" Virgil's voice was distorted and echoed around the room. Rage vanished immediately; just as the wardrobe to Depression's door cracked and the door hung at an uncertain angle.

 

 

*********************************************************************

 

The crowd of people cheered as the influencers event was officially closed and Thomas started to make his exit before the rest of the crowd moved. As he reached the door he was hit with a wave of light-headedness and had to brace himself against the door frame until the feeling passed. Shrugging off the feeling of unease, Thomas headed back to his hotel room without giving the moment any further thought.

.

.

.

Roman and Patton burst into the hall of the common area, beaming with excitement, and immediately started reviewing the day’s highlights by talking over each other. Upon opening his door, Logan groaned and massaged his temples as Roman and Patton’s voices echoed loudly through the hall.

“Must you two be so loud, we all just experienced the same thing.”

“Oh, sorry Logan.” Patton covered his mouth and giggled, “guess I’m still a little excited.”

“Well, I’m not sorry at all.” A smug smile spread across the creative sides face as he looked at the other; a hint of mischief in his eyes.

Logan sighed, “of course you’re not. Why would you be considerate about the feeling of others, your selfish ego would never allow that.”

“Whatever, I am in too good of a mood to take any offence to that.” Roman grinned at Logan, knowing the other side would be fuming that he had taken the higher ground.

“I’m proud of you, Roman.” Patton gave the creative side a pat on the back. “Logan, maybe you could learn something here.”

“Yes. Well…” feeling flustered, Logan steered the conversation on. “We should check on Virgil. That was actually what I came out here to do.”

“Oh! Great point, Logan.” Patton skipped over to Virgil’s door, did his usual rhythmic knock and looked around with eager anticipation.

Logan folded his arms and grinned sideways at Roman, who mimicked the action with a scowl. Their rivalry was truly an unending cycle that they both secretly enjoyed.

 

“Hey, Virgil! You ok in there, buddy?”

Patton looked at Virgil’s door in concern. After his initial knock, the anxious side hadn’t appeared in the hallway or even called out a reply. Past experience had proven that this wasn’t a good sign and Patton worried that the side was paralysed with panic or had cut himself off again. He looked between Logan and Roman, eyes begging them for help.

“What should we do? Virgil could be having another panic attack. He could be in trouble!”

“Calm yourself, Patton. If that were to be the case, nothing good would come from having two panicked sides.” Logan knocked on the door and wiggled the door handle; hoping he may have been lucky in the door opening. “Virgil? What is happening?”

 

“ _Go. Away_.” Virgil’s distorted voice was slightly muffled through the door, but the sides could immediately tell that something was amiss.

“Oh, absolutely. That makes us all feel so much better.” Roman leant against the wall between his and Virgil’s door, voice laced with sarcasm. It wasn’t that Roman didn’t care or feel concern; he just didn’t think Virgil would have wanted all three of them fretting at his door.

“Is Deceit in your room, Roman? I don’t feel any better right now.“ Patton pulled his hands close to his chest. “Virgil, what is going on?”

“ _I’m. Fine_.”

“The evidence suggests otherwise. Did something happen, Virgil?”

 

“No.” Virgil’s distorted, deep voice came from behind them.

Patton and Logan turned in shock, and Roman quickly stood to attention at the sight of their dishevelled friend. Virgil’s hair was a mess, his face appearing paler with the intense, dark shadowing under his eyes; not the usual Virgil style they were used to. His fists were clenched as he stared at the sides with greying-brown eyes.

“Happy?!” he growled through a stiff jaw. “Can I go now?”

Patton’s eyes glistened with tears, “Virgil, what hap..”

“LIFE HAPPENED, PATTON!” Virgil through his hands in the air; he had no patience to consider Patton’s feelings in that moment. “THIS IS NOTHING NEW! HAPPENS A LOT WHEN YOU GUYS DRAG ME ALONG TO SOMETHING NEW! YOU’VE NEVER CARED BEFORE! SO, STOP CARING NOW! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Virgil vanished, leaving the three sides standing in the hall completely stunned into silence.

 

Virgil’s final words echoed through the hallway, which now seemed like a vast and unsettling place. A few silent tears ran down Patton’s cheeks and fell to the floor, where Logan watched them slowly evaporate. Even Roman was utterly lost for words, so the three sides stood in complete silence.

The hard truth was, Virgil was right. Over recent years, they had never questioned the Side’s absence following an event or activity. When Thomas experienced anxiety’s effects in the past, they had always either dispersed the associated impulses or overpowered ‘anxiety’ with their own impulses and worked with Thomas. Even after getting to know Virgil they had always accepted his reclusiveness after certain situations.

Guilt gripped at their throats as each of them came to their own conclusions:

“I was too selfish to consider his needs.”

“I never cared enough when he needed me the most.”

“I should have known.”

 

After a while, without a single exchange, the three sides headed to their rooms. The hallway was left completely empty, except for one drop of black and red that had stained the hallway floor. A single drop on the white floor, clearly visible and yet easily overlooked.

.

.

.

Thomas kept a swift pace all the way back to his hotel room; overpowered by the need to be alone. After pushing the door closed, he quickly threw himself onto the awaiting bed and pulled the covers over his head. He had planned on vlogging upon his return to the room, but now he was not motivated to progress with the task. Sleeping was the only thing his mind and body desired, and he gave into that impulse easily.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

The air was sweet and cool when Deceit appeared at a park in Patton’s territory; hands trembling with adrenaline. A squeak broke the silence as the breeze moved the old play equipment of Thomas’ childhood, causing Deceit to jump and rapidly search the area in fear.

“P-P-Patton?” He stammered, looking around for a sign that the side or another impulse was present.

Deceit walked around the park nervously; eyes searching, hands pulling at his clothes, skin burning with new energy.

 

He had known that there would have been consequences for removing the seals, but he never expected this. In his head he imagined the returned power would have filled the void within him; instead it made him feel sick all the way to his very core.

Seeking shelter and safety, Deceit crawled through a tunnel in the playground and entered an imagined cubby from Thomas' childhood. The ground was soft and spongy like a mattress; Deceit threw his hat to the side before laying down on his back. Holding his hands in front of his face, he made his gloves vanish and stared at his hands. The hands that had trapped Anxiety. The hands that tricked Rage. The hands that had destroyed the seal, despite Rage's doubts.

"I am better than Anxiety."

Deceit closed his eyes and rolled onto his side; full of pain and shame.

 

********************************************

 

Rage appeared in front of a small wooden cottage at the edge of the imagination kingdom. The surrounding trees cast a dark shadow over Rage and the house; even the flowers in the window box seemed to have had their colour sapped away by the shadowing canopy.

Rage was shell-shocked; taking small careful steps towards the cottage door and letting himself inside. A well-worn couch greeted him, but the soft fabric provided Rage with very little comfort. Everything felt...wrong.

His body ached with his returned power; unsure of what to do with all the excess energy after years without it. Rage could no longer sense Anxiety or Deceit. He never realised how much of a comfort it had been to know that the other impulses were still around. Loosing that connection had left him truly alone for the first time in many years.

Rage looked down at his trembling hands. Red stained one of his nails; concrete proof that he had cut his former friend.

"What did I do?... What did I do?"

Cupping his face in his hands, Rage laid down on the couch and sobbed to himself. Overwhelmed with his returned power and new-found loneliness.

 

A breeze blew through the trees, collecting leaves and casting them out into the mindscape. A bird flew to sit on one of the planter boxes, looking in through the window at the lonely impulse. The breeze picked up again and the flowers rubbed against the bird’s white feathers, slowly turning them a dull grey. The creature did not move, no longer interested in continuing its journey around the mindscape.

 

 

**********************************************************

 

**_How long can you keep this up, Anxiety? Stop prolonging the inevitable and just let me out. Save yourself the pain._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't think this was my best chapter...It's short but had lots of little things happening. This was more like the little stalling part in the plot before things head up to the peak (my school taught narrative writing in a very visual way). 
> 
> I had a lot of fun with the next two chapter though. I like to have at least 1 or 2 chapters written ahead and upload slower ONLY, so I have more time to review and make sure I haven't accidentally left something out or added something foolish.  
> If work goes well tomorrow, I should have time to re-read and then upload the next chapter (I think it has a more satisfying waiting point). 
> 
> Get ready for a helpful dragon, reasoning for self-assurance and Depression's little friend gets a new look.  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> I'm just gonna drop this here..... snail-giggles.tumblr.com/ ...... whatever


	14. Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides deal with the aftermath of the L.A. trip.

A small smile and a nod were all the appreciation Thomas could give to the staff of the hotel as he left. The Uber to the airport was silent; headphones clearly indicating that he wasn't in the mood for small talk. Even going through the airport, Thomas barely said a word or shared a smile with a passing stranger. All he wanted to do was get home. Familiar and safe home. Thomas hoped that that was all he needed to dispel the feeling of dread that sat at the pit of his stomach. At least he would be able to talk to the sides once he was safely home. Well, he hoped he would be able to. They hadn't turned up after the influencers event, which was odd; but Thomas wasn't in the right frame of mind to care too much. He just wanted the flight to go quickly. 

 

****************************************************************************

 

Estelle's claws clacked against the stone floor of the castle, as the silver dragon roamed the halls searching for her master. The kingdom had been buzzing with excitement when Thomas was at the influencers event; creatures and characters from every corner of Thomas' imagination had come together to party in the main square. When the event ended, Roman had gone to see the other sides and the square had emptied surprisingly quickly. Now everything was quiet and Roman hadn’t been seen in well over 24 hours. Estelle's own movement was the only sound to break the silence within the castle walls. The silence worried her in ways she didn't fully understand, and she didn't like it at all.

 

Rounding a corner Estelle finally caught the fresh scent of Roman; increasing her pace to follow the scent up a set of stone steps. The stairs ended at an arched, wooden door and Estelle nudged the door open with her head; cautiously looking into the room.

"Prince Roman?"

 

Roman was laid across a white daybed at the back of the room; looking extremely out of place in the traditional castle setting. His usual regal attire was replaced with a loose red t-shirt and black track pants; something Estelle hadn't seen before.

"My Prince, are you ok?"

"What do you need, Estelle?" Roman didn't move, keeping his eyes closed and facing the ceiling.

"Pardon the intrusion, but I was concerned by your absence."

Estelle walked further into the room and looked around the small space with unease. The room was empty aside from the bed Roman was on; the window was mostly covered by a thick curtain, letting only a sliver of light into the room. 

"Your concern isn't needed, Estelle. As you can clearly see, I am still here."

"Indeed."

 

Estelle did not move. She couldn't move. Every essence of her being told her to stay; that Roman needed her.

"Why are you still here, Estelle?" Roman grumbled, turning his head to look at his head guard. "You should have dismissed yourself by now."

"Yes. Well...um..."

"What?" Roman sat up, shifting his body to place his feet on the ground and looked at the dragon with intensity. "Speak your mind or leave me be!"

The dragon recoiled like a scorned puppy; crouching low to the ground and bowing her head in shame. Roman dropped his own head into his hands and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Estelle. That was uncalled for, and frankly, very unprincely of me."

He stood and moved to sit in front of the dragon, running his hand over her scaly head. Estelle came closer and rested her head in Roman's lap; letting out a soft growl, accepting Roman's apology.

"I'm just worried about Virgil." Roman admitted, stroking his hand down Estelle's warm neck. The action was soothing for the both of them.

"Do you wish to talk about it?" Estelle whispered cautiously, not wanting to upset the prince again.

Roman sighed, "Virgil did not find the event enjoyable. He didn't look, or sound, very good afterwards. I can't believe I've been doing that to him all these years."

"You are not responsible, your majesty."

"Of course I'm responsible. I'm the reason Thomas goes to events like that. I'm hurting him and..."

"Pardon the interruption," Estelle sat back and raised her head to look at Roman. "Virgil is a side, just like you, and his bodily form can react according to different situations. Clearly, some situations cause a... Unflattering physical change in him, but it isn't permanent. The same way you become injured when Thomas embarrasses himself or performs badly."

Roman looked away and nodded. Estelle spoke the truth; he and Virgil were very similar in that aspect.

 

Estelle used the tip of her tail to raise Roman's chin, "shall we let the light back in?"

A small smile began to spread across Roman's face, and he stood to walk over to the window.

"Let there be light!" he called, flinging the curtains open; filling the room with natural light.

Estelle nudged the window, it swung open with a squeak and the dragon gratefully accepted the warmth against her scales. "Much better."

Roman smiled and once again rested his hand on top of Estelle's head. "Thank you, Estelle. Your loyalty is unquestionable, and I am honoured to have you at my side."

"The honour is all mine."

 

*********************************************************************

 

Thomas opened his lounge room curtains, letting the natural light fill the room and lifting an invisible weight off his chest. Being back in his own house and sleeping in his own bed had made him feel slightly better, but now he had the need to bask in the sunlight. With sudden motivation, Thomas grabbed his shoes and left the house in search of a sunny spot to relax.

 

********************************************************************

 

A rhythmic squeak echoed around the park as Patton lazily swung back and forth on a swing, watching white, fluffy clouds changing shape in the sky. Since Thomas had decided to go out for a walk, he started to feel much better; despite his lingering worry about Virgil. He looked to his left and saw the ghostly figure of Thomas leaning against a tree; headphones on and taking in the world around him. A knock on his door had Patton sinking back to his room and the park slowly drifted into silence. Deceit sighed from his hiding place; grateful to be alone again.

 

Patton opened his door and beamed up at the waiting Logan.

"Hiya, Logan. It's good to see you."

"Good day to you, Patton." Logan adjusted his glasses and looked around the hallway awkwardly, avoiding all eye contact. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm... Better." Patton looked at the other side in concern, tilting his head to the side. "Are you ok, Logan? Has something happened?"

"Yes. Well, no. Um..." Logan fidgeted with his hands and glanced at Virgil's door. "I-I haven't been able to shake this odd... feeling, since seeing Virgil so... upset. Do you think we have given Virgil enough time to recover?"

Since returning to his room, Logan hadn’t stopped worrying about Virgil and his appearance in such a dishevelled manner. He was overwhelmed by the ‘unknown’ factors and had been researching non-stop to try and quell his worries; but he needed more physical evidence to finally feel at peace. Admitting to himself that he needed to see Virgil was hard; seeking Patton’s advice and help had been even harder. The smile that spread across Patton’s face made him feel slightly better though.

 

"Well," Patton looked at Virgil's door and closed his own. "Only one way to find out." 

Patton knocked on Virgil's door and waited. Logan folded his arms and looked around the hallway; wishing the whole Virgil situation made more sense and was a little more logical. He needed to see Virgil. The normal Virgil. Surely that would fix all his problems.

A minute passed, but it felt like an eternity to the two waiting sides. The soft click of Roman's door opening caused the two of them to jump.

"Wow, fancy catching you two here." Roman stepped into the hallway, back in his usual attire and looking much better than Estelle had found him. "Have you two seen Virgil at all?"

Logan shook his head, "No. Patton just knocked, but he is yet to respond."

"Should I knock again? I don't want to upset him though. Maybe he isn't ready, or he just didn't hear me."

"I heard you."

 

The three sides turned to the voice that came from the top of the hall.

"I'm always listening, remember."

Virgil had his hoodie pulled low over his face and his hands deep in his hood pockets. Crumbs from whatever he had been eating in the kitchen littered the front of his hoodie and he made no attempt at dusting them away.

Logan had hoped that seeing Virgil would have dispelled his feeling of unease, and it did to a small degree. Hearing Virgil's normal voice was a comfort, but the side was still clearly hiding something.

"You are sounding better, Virgil. Has Thomas returning home been helpful in your recovery?" Logan scanned his eyes over every aspect of Virgil; taking in as much information he could on his appearance and behaviour.

"Generally does. Are you all satisfied?" Virgil spun on the spot, showing himself off at all angles. "I'm not really up for 20 questions about my wellbeing."

"All is good with me," Patton smiled and looked at the other two sides.

"I too am... Satisfied." Logan hated lying but did his best to sound sincere. He didn't want to cause Virgil any distress by raising his concerns; not at that moment anyway.

"I'm not satisfied, and I won't be until..." Roman took a few steps forward and Patton reached out to grab the creative sides shoulder. "... I apologise."

Patton's hand dropped; Virgil kept his head down, making no attempt to make eye contact with the others.

"I'm sorry, Virgil. I should have realised sooner that you had physical reactions to certain events in Thomas' life the same way I do. I should have been looking out for you, the same way Patton looks out for me when I am affected."

"Seriously, don't sweat it. It's fine. I'll see you guys later."

 

Virgil vanished and Roman sighed in relief, "I feel a lot better now."

"Good to hear, Roman. What about you, Logan? Are you feeling any better?" Patton looked at Logan; his arms still folded across his body.

Logan nodded and turned towards his door, "Yes, thank you Patton."

"Hey, Specs." Roman smiled as both Logan and Patton looked at him. "Do you two want to watch a movie in the common area? I'm in the mood for some Disney."

Patton beamed and raced towards the kitchen without giving a verbal reply. Logan shook his head and reached out for his door handle.

"Thank you for the offer, Roman, but I think I would prefer some more independent thinking time."

"Suit yourself. Catch you later."

Roman headed down the hall, towards the kitchen where Patton was already putting together some snacks. Logan watched the creative side walk away before glancing over at Virgil's door again. Something was off about it... He just couldn't work out what it was.

 

 

********************************************************************

 

Thomas felt a lot better after returning home from his afternoon in the park; his outlook on everything seemed to be positive once again. Placing a wine glass on the coffee table, he flopped onto the lounge with his laptop and started scrolling through his various social pages.

 

Logan sat in his library surrounded by opened books and loose paper notes. Setting his glasses down on the desk, Logan lent back in his chair, rubbed his eyes and sighed. Everything seemed fine in the mindscape. Thomas was now completing normal tasks; Patton and Roman appeared perfectly fine; Virgil seemed ok now, he had his normal voice back and his regular reclusiveness.

Standing, Logan grabbed his glasses and walked over to a computer on the other side of the room. The screen was a jumble of cascading words, numbers and a large progress bar slowly increasing in value.

Logan waited as the bar finally reached 100% and a dialogue box filled the screen: no abnormalities found.

 

“Ok, Logan.” The logical side spoke aloud as he went back to his desk filled with notes. “Let’s reassess the evidence and finally dispel this, ah, feeling. The cause of Virgil’s vocal destabilisation was a direct result of attending a large social gathering without the planned peer supports. According to him, this is normal, and is deemed plausible as in the past Roman has received physical injuries from Thomas participating in certain activities.”

As he stated each point, Logan felt his unease slowly fading and he took comfort in reading each of his conclusions.

“Virgil’s recent communication proved that he has returned to a normal state of control and is no longer in a state of heightened anxiety. However, he still appears to be upset with us for forcing him to reveal himself in such a vulnerable state. Experience dictates that this will take careful communication to repair.”

Logan picked up his final sheet of paper and turned back to his computer, clicking through to reveal multiple dialogue boxes repeating the statement ‘no anomaly found’ or ‘no abnormality detected.’

“My final concern was the moment of light-headedness that Thomas experienced at the end of the influencers event. No other symptoms followed, so possible explanations include altered blood flow due to standing suddenly and general tiredness; both of which are justified. Scans of the mindscape have revealed no abnormal activity, and neither Roman or Patton reported anything unusual. The state of Virgil’s territory is unknown; however, if there was a major issue, my scanners would have detected it. Conclusion… everything is… ok.”

 

The computer screen when black, as Logan powered down the computer and smiled at his reflection in the glass screen. The glass reflection shifted, and Logan saw Thomas in his lounge room. The host packed up his laptop and headed upstairs for a surprisingly early night; filling Logan with a small amount of pride. Logan returned his books to their appropriate shelves and tidied up his desk. By the time he was finished, Thomas was fast asleep, and the mindscape felt at peace. Feeling like his normal self, Logan headed back to his room for his own rest. His worry induced insomnia had taken its toll and he was looking forward to getting reacquainted with a regular sleeping schedule.

 

*********************************************************************

 

Storm clouds covered the sky, so the flashes of lightning were the only source of light; illuminating the warped and rotted trees surrounding the area. The once clear stream no longer flowed, a black algae choked the water’s surface and even the waterfall was held in place by a moss-like plant. The safe space, Virgil’s territory, was in ruins. Even the stone archway that held the door portal to his room had caved in; cutting the room off from the rest of the mindscape. A lone spider the size of a tennis ball, crawled out from the pile of stones. Lightning flashed and a purple stripe on its back glowed in response. The creature raced across the clearing, heading into the forest and towards the caves.

 

******************************************************************

 

Virgil sat on his bed and stared blankly ahead at his door, ignoring his surroundings completely. The walls of his room were littered with cracks and some of them oozed a black substance that collected in pools on the floor that seemed unnaturally deep. In his room, Virgil wasn't concealing his true form, as he had done in the hallway for the others. Pretending that he had been in the kitchen was a great act and he was sure it bought him some time to get a handle on his situation. However, the lie was short lived; now his lower lip was swollen and caked in blood from where he had bitten it in pain intermittently. Dried blood clung to the sleeve of his hoodie where Deceit and Rage had cut his arm and the palms of his hands were littered with scratches and cuts from where he had clenched his fists too tight.

 

Depression sat in his room, smiling and leaning casually against the back wall. The cage surrounding him had melted away into puddles of black; the chains on his wrists and ankles were the only thing that held him in place and even they were loosening from the bolts in the floor. He ran his hand absentmindedly across his glossy shadow friend, which now had a more cat-like form. It lacked any facial features and reflected the room around it.

" ** _Thomas and the sides seem to be at peace. Can you sense that?"_**

The shadow nodded and pushed its head into Depression's hands; the impulse scratched behind the creatures ears before pushing it away.

**_"I think it's time I got out of here. You know what to do."_ **

The shadow bounded towards one of the larger black puddles and dove straight in, disappearing from the room. A chuckle echoed around the room and Depression closed his eyes; reaching out to connect with Virgil.

 

The shadow slowly crawled out of a puddle in Virgil's room; shimmering as the fluid ran off its body. Virgil held his breath and went rigid at the sight of the creature emerging from the puddle. Appearing to grow in size, the shadow stalked forward at a steady pace. Standing on his bed and pushing his back against the wall, Virgil's heart started to race.

"What the fuck are you?" His voice was small and lacked all authority; he couldn't will himself out of the room or conjure anything to defend himself. Virgil was alone and trapped, with no idea of what to do.

The shadow leapt forward and Virgil dove to the side, acting on pure instinct; causing the shadow to crash into the wall. Virgil rolled and was quickly back on his feet, searching for any form of weapon in his crumbling room. Shaking its head, the shadow turned back to face its target and Virgil saw his own terrified image reflected on the creatures glossy face. As the shadow approached again, Virgil grabbed a nearby broken cupboard door and swung it like a bat at the shadow, sending it tumbling backwards.

Virgil ran for his door, crying out in desperation. "Logan! Patton! Roman!"

Fists beating against the door, Virgil wished he had never removed the handle; if he hadn’t, he would have been able to escape. Instead he was too weak to teleport or even sink out to another territory.

"Please! I NEED HELP! PATTON! ROMAN! LO..."

Virgil's head slammed into the door and the world went black as the shadow crashed into him from behind.

 

Depression smiled as the bolt holding his leg chains to the ground melted away. He stood and stared at the bolts keeping his arm chains in place, waiting for them to meet the same melting fate. Stepping beyond the threshold of his former cage, Depression pulled against the chains, but the bolts held strong.

**_"Close, but not quite close enough. Come on, Anxiety. Let it go. LET ME GO!"_ **

.

.

.

_You are useless. An unnecessary impulse. You are nothing but the bad guy that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I hate you, Anxiety. You're the reason Envy is gone. I can never forgive you for that. Why are you even here? You thought any of us would actually help you; just how dumb are you? We don't even need you. The fact that you were nameless is proof that you are unnecessary for Thomas' survival. Life in the mindscape would have been so much better if you never existed, so leave now and we might be able to enjoy life._

 

Virgil couldn't escape. Everywhere he turned there was another person laughing or yelling at him. Their words cut him like knives; stripping away his hope for salvation with every syllable.

 

********************************************************************************

 

Estelle stopped mid-step and looked up at the sky.

"Commander? What do you sense?" A blue dragon stood at Estelle's side and awaited her reply, preparing her wings to take flight.

"Evacuate the city, Ledilit. I'm going to the castle."

Ledilit took flight without any further questioning, roaring out a call to arms to the other dragon guard and smaller scout dragons. "Citizens! Evacuation procedures are in effect. Evacuate immediately! Evacuate!"

 

Estelle turned and ran back up the alley they had just come down, before leaping up a wall and into the air at great speed. Her silver figure rocketed towards the castle as black clouds slowly formed and swirled around the main square.

.

.

.

"I hate you, Anxiety. You're the reason Envy is gone. I can never forgive you for that." The words came from Rage's mouth and he looked at Virgil's distraught face.

 

The sound of a dragons call woke the impulse and he quickly moved to open the cottage door. He could hear the faint rumble of the dragons voice, but he was too far away to fully understand what the creature was saying. Shrugging, Rage was about to shut the door when the window planters caught his eye and he walked outside to take in the environment he had ignored upon his arrival. What he saw made his breath catch in his throat. The plants were black and dead around the house and grey birds sat unmoving in the planter boxes, on the roof and on the ground. Rage slowly stepped backwards, seeing veins of black running up some of the surrounding trees. Fear coursed through his veins as he watched a blue bird fly over to land on the roof; its feathers slowly drained of colour and Rage felt the same thing happening to him.

"I have seriously fucked up." Rage vanished from the cottage, not wanting to waste another second.

.

.

.

Estelle ran into the castle and headed into Roman's room; immediately cursing his maze of halls as she did her best to sniff out the prince’s actual bedroom. Rage appeared at the side of the castle and stared up at the storm that was growing over the kingdom; purple lightning flashed, and wind whipped down the ally. With the dragons busy with the evacuation, Rage snuck into the castle and Roman's room easily; no tricks needed. He started running through the halls, hoping that he would get lucky and find either the creative side or his door to the common area.

 

"Prince Roman!" Estelle called out in the hopes that the side would be listening. Luck was on the dragon’s side as she caught the strong scent of Roman from a plain door in the middle of a dark hall. She wasted no time with pleasantries and opened the door immediately to find the room empty.

Walking into the room, Estelle approached Roman's door to the common area and knocked hard against the wood.

"Prince Roman! There is trouble in the kingdom." When no reply came, the dragon knocked again. She was an imagined aspect of Roman's kingdom and couldn't enter the common area even if she tried. "Roman! Please, come back!"

 

Estelle's yelling and banging attracted Rage's attention and he ran towards the sound, arriving in the room to find Estelle throwing her body roughly against the door in desperation.

Rage raised his hands in surrender and spoke as calmly as he could. "Hey, maybe I could help."  
Estelle turned to face the impulse, baring her teeth and growling. "What are you doing here, dark menace?"

"Look, I've made mistakes but believe me when I say I want to help."

"Why should I trust you?" Estelle guarded the door, taking a defensive stance in case Rage should try and attack her.

"You need Prince Roman and I can open that door for you. You get to see your precious Prince and I can... Tell him what I know... About all this."

Estelle considered Rage's words and carefully stepped aside; her eyes never leaving him as he stepped forward and opened Roman's door to the common area.

 

****************************************************************************

 

"The fact that you were nameless is proof that you are unnecessary for Thomas' survival _."_

 

Logan sat up in confusion and looked around his room. The memory of Virgil's small crying figure stuck at the front of his mind.

"Why would I say something like that to Virgil?"

Logan sat on the edge of his bed, shaking his head from side to side, trying to erase the image from his head. He stopped when he realised that Thomas' heart rate was raised again. He looked up and a computer screen was illuminated red, flashing the dialogue box: abnormality detected. Snapping into his normal attire, Logan opened his door and heard sobbing and Rage's voice yelling.

"Roman! You have to wake up!"

 

Logan raced down the hall, ignoring the silver dragon sitting just inside of Roman's opened door.

"Logan?" Patton sobbed, looking at the logical side in fear. "We need your help. Roman won’t wake up."

Logan took in the sight of Rage sitting on Roman's lap, gripping the sides clothes and trying to shake him awake. "Move." Logan instructed and Rage moved away without a word, backing away as Logan's eyes glowed. "Wake up, Roman."

 

Gasping as if he had been held underwater, Roman opened his eyes; tears falling instantly. "What happened?"

Roman could recall being in a dark room watching the sides and impulses yell at a crying Virgil, before he too had joined in. He felt sick thinking about the things they had said and how sad Virgil had looked.

Not wanting to waste time, Rage spoke up. "Anxiety is having another nightmare. You have to snap him out of it before..."

"What did you do?" Roman was on his feet, sword in hand and pointing at the impulse. "Tell me what you DID to him."

Patton and Logan made no move to stop Roman and Rage had to admit he didn't blame them in the slightest.

"I made a mistake. A really stupid one, alright. Anxiety is..."

"Virgil." Despite his tears, Patton's voice was firm. "His name is Virgil."

"Whatever! That doesn't matter. You need to snap," Rage swallowed hard and willed himself to say the name, "Virgil out of this nightmare. He's starting to sap the energy away from the imagination kingdom. I've seen the colour draining and it could already be spreading to the other territories."

 

The lights in the common area dimmed briefly and Estelle called out from Roman's room, "Prince Roman?"

"Estelle!" Roman called back, not wanting to take his eyes off Rage. "I trust the city is being evacuated, send the scouts out to confirm Rage's story."

"Understood." Estelle shut the door with a flick of her tail and headed back into the castle to complete her newly given task; thankful for Rage's help despite his apparent wrong doing.

Roman's sword vanished, quickly replaced with a chain that connected to cuffs now on Rage's wrists.

"Is this really necessary?" Rage waved his wrists in the air, "I fucked up, but I've come to help."

"It will take a bit more than that to earn our trust." Logan looked at Rage over the top of his glasses, fixing him with a hard stare.

"We need to help Thomas and Virgil, guys. Worry about Rage later." Patton sunk out and the other three soon followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all deal with things in our own ways.   
> Some people are super chill and just roll with the punches; they deal with their feelings as they go (Patton - he's learnt not to ignore his feelings).   
> Some go straight to friends or family to talk it out (Thomas - talking to people seems to be his general go to)   
> Others analyse everything and try to make sense of it all (Logan).   
> There are some who hide away, but secretly hope someone will find and help them because asking for help can be tough (Roman).   
> Then there are others who hide themselves away and put on a mask to assure everyone that they are ok (Virgil). 
> 
> Virgil isn't really helping himself; he's made his situation worse by keeping it a secret. Hiding behind a mask can make things easier in the short term (you don't feel like you're inconveniencing or upsetting anyone) but you aren't helping yourself in the long run.  
> Virgil is learning the hard way that it is important to be honest with yourself, and others, about how you are feeling and what is happening in your life. Luckily, the other sides have got his back. 
> 
> Warning for next chapter (whenever it is uploaded): it will be longer than my other chapters (unless there is interest in having a shorter sooner chapter, then I guess I could find another point to split it) and where most of the tags come into effect (I'm hoping I've tagged everything correctly). 
> 
> Anyway, happy timezone dear reader XD


	15. Trapped in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan, Patton and Roman take Rage to visit Thomas and wake him up from Nightmare. Virgil doesn't appear like last time and the group must find a way to get into his room to save him from himself.

The puddles of darkness were slowly spreading, reaching out and connecting as large pools and surrounding Virgil's sleeping figure. The floor was almost completely concealed, and Depression smiled, watching one of the final two bolts melt away.

 

*****************************************************************

 

"Wake up, Thomas," Logan commanded and they all waited.

It took slightly longer, but Thomas eventually gasped, jerked upright and right into Patton's waiting arms.

"You're alright, Kiddo." He cooed, as tears started flowing from the hosts eyes. "We've got you."

Roman and Logan looked around the room, worry settling in their guts as they realised Virgil hadn't appeared like before.

"Is that it?" Rage asked out loud. "If Thomas is awake then Anx- um, Virgil, is awake now. Right?"

"Who are you?" Thomas questioned, wiping stray tears from his cheeks. "Where is Virgil?"

"This is Rage," Roman tugged on the chain and Rage was jerked forward. "He did something to Virgil. We haven't had the chance for a proper chat yet."

Logan looked at Rage, "Virgil isn't here. You need to tell us what you did, right now."

 

Rage felt small with the intense stares each side and Thomas gave him, and he finally understood how Virgil must have felt on a daily basis.

"I just wanted to fit in somewhere. I was tired of being an outcast and feeling...empty."

"Get to the point, Rage. Please," Patton begged.

"We... Deceit and I thought that taking back our power from the seal would help us feel better. That that was the reason why we couldn't find our true place in the mindscape."

"You released Depression?" Patton squeaked. The colour drained from Logan's face and Roman clenched his jaw in frustration.

"No! Well, maybe. I-I didn't want to in the end. It was an accident. Something happened with the shadows in the room and-and it happened so fast. I swear, I told Deceit we should stop when I saw how weak Lust and Ego's seals were. W-we-we weren't going to do it."

"How did you know Lust and Ego's seals were weak?" Logan questioned, processing all the information as fast as he could.

"Their scars were faded. I figured that they had less of a connection because they fused with Roman."

"So much for it being a sign of aging," Roman sighed and looked at Logan, knowing the side would now be considering what else Virgil had lied about.

 

"Thomas, I am sorry." Rage looked at his host, regret in his voice and eyes. "I was selfish, and I may have put you in danger. The total opposite to what I am meant to do. I make you stand up for yourself and voice injustice. I should have just stuck to that and left everything else alone."

"I forgive you." The sides all looked at Thomas in complete and utter shock. "Virgil acted out a lot before I accepted him. Perhaps the reason you couldn't find your place in the mindscape was my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"I hadn't accepted you as a part of me. You can't really have a comfortable place in my mind if I don't accept you as a part of me. You are important Rage. I'm sorry I didn't see that before."

The chains vanished from Rage's wrists and the impulse looked at Roman in surprise. "You have made... Bad choices, but you aren't a villain. We shouldn’t treat you like one."

"And you are helping us with Virgil," Patton added.

"Very true. Speaking of which," Logan looked at Thomas. "Do you think you could take us to Virgil's room? We need to investigate further and see how this seal breaking has affected him."

Thomas nodded and closed his eyes; the group sunk out of the bedroom.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Deceit crawled out of his hiding place and looked around in concern. Grey clouds covered the sky and bathed the usually bright park in dull grey light. He tried to reach out to Rage, but found the connection severed. He hadn't even realised until then that he couldn't feel his friend at all. A scratching sound caught the impulses attention and he looked around to see a spider with a purple stripe scuttling towards him.

The creature stopped at his feet and Deceit looked down in confusion. He had seen similar spiders many times in Virgil's room and territory, but he had never seen them beyond those boarders.

"Anxiety isn't playing games now." Deceit knelt and held out his hand for the spider to climb on; wondering what purpose the creature’s presence was serving.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Thomas found himself standing in the hallway of the common room, feeling very lost and confused.

"This isn't Virgil's room? Where are we?"

The sides looked around and exchanged concerned glances.

"This is the common area hallway," Rage looked at Thomas and raised an eyebrow. "The centre of your mind. The place that connects all the rooms together. I'm guessing you weren't aiming to bring us here?"

"No," Thomas shook his head and looked around the hallway. "I don't understand... I thought of the same stuff as last time, but it felt...different."

"Different how?" Logan questioned. "Do you not feel Virgil's presence."

"No, no, it's not like that." Thomas looked at the floor as he tried to find words to describe how he was feeling. "I still FEEL him. I mean I am anxious right now, but I just don't feel... Him."

Patton started knocking loudly on Virgil's door. "Virgil? Virgil, are you ok?"

"If Nightmare has him trapped like Roman and Thomas were, I doubt knocking will be enough to wake him." Logan grabbed Patton's hand to stop him from knocking any harder.

 

Thomas started pushing and pulling on the door handle, hoping he would be able to open it with his own will. The door didn't budge at all.

"Is there another way to get into your rooms?" Thomas asked, giving up on his attempts to get into the room.

"There is generally doorways connecting our territories to our rooms," Logan explained. "But I have never been to Virgil's territory so I can't sink there."

Roman looked at Rage and Patton, "You two have been there. Could you guys sink us there?"

"Worth a try," Rage shrugged, "I've gone there many times before." Rage closed his eyes and disappeared, instantly reappearing back in front of Virgil's door.

"That was quick," remarked Patton.

"I didn't go anywhere," Rage looked dumbfounded. "It's like there is a barrier stopping me and I can't get anywhere near the territory. The storm might be blocking me."

 

"The storm is blocking you?" Roman looked at Rage. "So, Nightmare's storm is keeping us out. What does Nightmare have to do with all this, anyway?"

"What?" Rage looked at the creative side in confusion. "Nightmare fused with Virgil years ago. Well, he went by the name Jacket at the time."

"That can't be true. Virgil told me on the cliff edge that Nightmare had been in his room and caused the last storm."

"Perhaps he lied, Roman." Logan rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. "It seems Virgil lied about many things."

"Well, what did you expect?" The group all looked at Rage; making the impulse feel slightly uncomfortable again. "Anxiety and lying go hand in hand. How many situations has Thomas avoided by lying? How many lies has Thomas told to avoid concerning his friends? That all comes from Deceit and Anxiety working together; intentional or not."

 

The sides looked down in defeat at the realisation that Virgil was the one that caused the nightmare. The same nightmare that trapped Thomas and put the kingdom at risk, twice. The air in the hallway seemed thick and made breathing difficult for all of them.

"It doesn't matter if Nightmare is fused with Virgil." Thomas' voice broke the silence and the group looked back at him. "He isn't doing this on purpose. Th-that isn't something Virgil would do."

"Then why would he lie about it?" Roman asked; feeling betrayed by his friends’ frequent deceptions.

"Because..." Again, Thomas struggled to find the right words. His brain seemed to be working in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. Some thoughts took forever to move on, while others went past at such a speed, he couldn't register them.

"Because he was afraid." Patton looked around the group, "afraid of what we would think of him if we knew. That was why he kept all of his secrets, right? The more we accepted him, the more it seemed he hid from us; but he was just protecting himself."

"He only had us." Thomas added, looking at the sides; Rage looked away. "He probably didn't want to risk losing the only friends he had."

"But wasn't it lying that made him loose his friends in the first place?" Roman added, pointing at Rage.

"Honestly, he can't help it." Rage pushed Roman's pointed hand down and stepped closer to the group. "Deceit is connected to him. I was too, before..."

Rage's voice trailed off and Logan's eyes suddenly widened. "You were connected to Virgil through the seal, correct?" Rage nodded. "Then maybe Deceit’s connection is the key we need to access Virgil's room."

The others all nodded and looked at Rage for approval. "Maybe. I used to always be able to feel everyone. Virgil, Deceit, Lust and Ego. Always felt that they were here somewhere...I can't anymore though." Rage dropped his head in sadness. "How do you find him though. He's not just gonna come bursting in here on his own."

 

Thomas closed his eyes and tried to summon Virgil again. Normally when he summoned the sides, he could see their faces clearly and feel their presence. Try as he might, Thomas couldn’t picture Virgil’s face. He knew what the side looked like, but he couldn’t visualise him at all.

The group looked at Thomas as he sighed and tried to summon Deceit. It felt different to when he summoned the sides; like trying to see your reflection in muddy water. Relief flooded the host as Deceit’s image slowly became clearer.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

The spider crawled onto Deceit's hand and the impulse stood to inspect it. A rumbling caught his attention and Deceit looked up to see the clouds darkening and a tree split open with a black vein.

“Patton’s redecorating matches his personality.”

Placing the spider on his shoulder, Deceit carefully moved to inspect the trees. As he got closer, Deceit noticed that the grass at the edge of the park was beginning to fade and a purple lightning flash lit up the darkening corner. His feet froze and the impulse took in the scene around him.

“This is normal.” He looked at the spider on his shoulder, fear clear on his face. “Vibrant colour in the mindscape is perfectly fine. I don’t have to do anything.”

Deceit turned to walk towards Patton’s room, hoping the side was going to be in a talkative mood, but as he turned, he suddenly found himself standing in the common room hallway.

 

Patton screamed and hid behind Rage, and the impulse looked at the trembling side in confusion.

“Are you serious? It’s Deceit. He’s not that scary.”

“S-sp-sp-sp,” Patton stuttered, pointing at the spider on Deceit’s shoulder.

The look of surprise quickly left Deceit’s face as he smiled and gestured to the creature on his shoulder. “It’s just an eight-legged puppy. It wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Patton gripped Rages arms tighter and Roman looked at Deceit in confusion. “It’s a spider.  How could you possibly compare it to a puppy?”

Logan shook his head, he couldn’t believe that Roman still didn’t understand how Deceit spoke.

“Cut the crap, Deceit.” Rage said, trying to pry Patton’s hands off him before resorting to vanishing out of his grasp and reappearing a safe distance away. “Shits going down in the mindscape and we need to get into Anxiety’s room.”

Thomas placed a reassuring hand on Patton’s shoulder and looked at Deceit. “I can’t get into Virgil’s room, Rage said you are connected by Depression’s seal.”

“Can you use that connection to get us all into Virgil’s room?” Logan concluded.

Deceit’s face dropped. “Yes. I have a connection with Anxiety.”

 

“Hazar!” Cheered Roman. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go.”

Roman looked at the others; Thomas and Patton looked deflated; Logan pinched the bridge of his nose; while Rage looked furiously at Deceit.

“What do you mean you don’t have a connection? Your seal wasn’t touched.”

Deceit looked away in shame, which spoke volumes to Rage. The impulse lunged forward, grabbing Deceit’s jacket and slamming him against the opposite wall of the hallway.

“What did you do?” Rage slammed his friend against the wall a second time, a single tear slipping from his eye. “Tell me what the fuck you did?”

Deceit locked eyes with Rage. He had never seen his friend this worked up in his whole existence; so angry he was brought to tears with the intense emotion. He wanted to lie and spare himself the admission that he had betrayed his friend, but he was cursed to speak the truth solely through lies.

 

Rage's body shook as he slowly released his grip on Deceit and turned away; his head hung low.

"I thought losing Envy was bad, but then we lost Ego and Lust." Deceit steadied himself and took a few cautious steps towards his hurting friend. Rage kept his head low and his tone steady as he continued to speak. "When I found out all the things Anxiety did behind my back, I thought that was the worst betrayal that could ever happen. But you... I trusted you and you... You used me."

"YES! That's the truth," Deceit begged and reached out to grabbed Rage's shoulder.

Rage spun around and punched the impulse square in the face, knocking him to the floor.

 

Rage's eyes flared red and Thomas could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him and it physically hurt to look at the scene before him. Rage and Deceit were friends; two impulses lost in his mindscape. Equally ignored and neglected by the sides and their host. Patton looked at Thomas, registering the distress on his face, and then back at the scene of Deceit cowering before Rage.

Taking a deep breath, Patton closed his eyes in concentration.

"Time to let it out boys," Patton's eyes glowed a sky blue, while Rage and Deceit's faded to brown.

 

"I was jealous." Deceit spoke, looking solem and unphased by the words coming out of his mouth.  "You were beginning to find your place; even though you said you still felt empty, you looked so happy in the kingdom. I wanted to have what you had and to help fill that void. Depression made me an offer that was too good to refuse."

"Perhaps the offer was literally too good to be true." Rage felt surprisingly calm, despite being under Integrity's influence. "You are deceit but you aren't a lie detector or anything."

"He said the room was meant to be a cage for Anxiety that I controlled. It felt so right."

"Depression played you, you selfish moron! And I let you play me."

 

"So, we've established that you are both morons." Roman looked between the two impulses and frowned. "Now, what about Depression's seals and Deceit's connection."

"I broke my seal," confessed Deceit.

"But you just said you still had a connection with Virgil." Looking around in confusion, Roman took in the look of exasperation on Logan's face. "What?"

Rubbing at his eyebrow, Logan responded "He was lying, Roman. He has already released his seal. Technically now Depression is only being held back by two fading seal and Virgil."

"You released it at the same time as me, didn't you Deceit?" Rage already knew the answer, but he still had to hear it spoken out loud.

"I did." Deceit nodded and looked down at the floor. "The moment the room started crumbling I knew I had made a mistake, but...I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I was overcome with guilt."

"Guilt had me trapped too. I thought it was just me releasing my seal that caused that damage."

 

The light in the hallway flickered and dimmed, putting a stop to the conversation. Patton's eyes returned to normal and Deceit's yellow eye returned.

**BANG! BANG! BANG!**

The group jumped as a banging was heard from behind Roman's door, and the creative side quickly pushed the door open to reveal Estelle. The dragon was slick with water and her body was littered with scratches and missing scales.

"Estelle! What happened?" Roman quickly started inspecting Estelle for evidence of serious injury, running his hands over her minor wounds and causing them to vanish in the process.

"The storm is not safe for moving through," panted the dragon. "But I come with far worse news. Rage spoke the truth; the kingdom is being corrupted by a black substance. It's ripping through the landscape and draining the colour from the eastern area; slowly making its way towards the main population. The storm isn't stopping either."

Thomas looked at the dragon in awe, amazed at her beauty and his level of imagination. He wished he was meeting her under different circumstances.

"We need to get into Virgil's room," the sides all looked at Thomas. "If short cuts won't work, then what are our other options?"

"We could go through the kingdom," Rage suggested.

"That would be safe in the perfect weather," Deceit added, thinking about battling a storm and spreading darkness all the way to Virgil's territory.

 

Patton's scream rang down the hall again as the purple spider crawled out of its hiding spot in Deceit's clothes.

"Seriously?" Roman looked between the spider and Patton. "What is the deal with that spider?"

Deceit shrugged, "I found it in my territory.”

A sudden grin spread across Rage's face and he grabbed the spider; Patton gave Rage a wide berth as the impulse walked the spider to Virgil's door.

"Virgil's spiders never leave his room unless he sends them out."

Rage held the spider out to the door knob; it crawled around the knob, leaving a webbed trail before slowly sailing to the floor and slipping under the door. The group waited in silence, listening to faint scratches and clicks until they saw the web increase in tension and the handle slowly lowered. Rage pushed the handle down and the door let out a loud creak as he pushed it open.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Virgil felt the darkness swallowing him from below.

The darkness had crept under his body and he could feel the supernatural liquid deepening into a pool.

Inside the nightmare, he squeezed his eyes shut and pleaded for the voice to stop.

All the voices had meshed together and slowly transformed into Depression’s deep tone.

He didn’t care that he was sinking. He only wanted it to stop.

**_You failed, Anxiety. Just like we always knew you would._ **

Virgil was too exhausted to argue… _I can’t argue with the truth._ Virgil had one job as a main side; protect Thomas, and he had failed to do that. _I’m sorry, Thomas_. Virgil let his body relax into the dark liquid surrounding him and took a final breath before he was fully submerged.

In both dream and reality, he sunk into darkness, ready to fade into the mindscape and be forgotten.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

Logan's keen eyes went straight to the floor while everyone else looked around the room. He would have missed it if he hadn't been looking for it; Virgil's fingertips slipping into the darkness of the rooms floor.

Without considering the consequences, Logan pushed passed Rage and threw himself at the darkness. His knees found solid ground, as did one of his hands, the other went deeper into the black liquid and his hand wrapped around Virgil's wrist.

"Logan!" Patton was on the other side of Logan and found himself in a similar position, instinctively grabbing blindly at the object below the surface to help the logical side.

"This stuff is sucking him down. Pull harder, Patton." Logan heaved as hard as he could, begging Virgil's hand to respond and grab at his wrist.

"I'll hel..."

Roman was cut off by a cracking sound and he watched as the darkness started to freeze with a silvery pattern. A wardrobe door hung open and he heard a rattling sound as Depression’s cloak clad figure slowly stepped out. Bare, grey feet cautiously stepped onto the frozen darkness and a chuckle echoed around the room as Depression felt the energy of the mindscape flow back into him. A cold shiver ran up Thomas’ spine in response and warning.  

 

"Holy shit," whispered Rage. He looked at Deceit and held out his hand. "We need to fuse and fix this. Now!"

Deceit nodded and felt his form waver as he was sucked into Rage and the two became one.

"Hey Princey," Rage|Deceit called, "think you can conjure up something we can swing in a deadly manner."

Roman was confused at first, but then conjured swords for them both. "I'm guessing that is Depression."

" **That would be correct.** " Depression bowed low; his chains clicking together as he moved. " **Pleasure to meet you, Roman, and good to see you again Rage.** "

"Looks like you need a knew room to hang up those chains, Depression." Rage|Deceit smirked, "Do you mind if we help you with that?"

Depression laughed and looked past the group to Thomas. The host hadn't moved since the door was opened and his eyes were now fixed on the grey skinned version of himself.

**"Hello, Thomas. I have...** "

"Don't you dare talk to him!" Roman snapped, raising his sword. "He wants nothing to do with you."

Depression rolled his eyes, " **Whatever. Soon he won't have a choice.** " Shadows started climbing out of unfrozen holes in the darkness; taking on animalistic forms like the one that had caused Virgil’s nightmare. " **Embrace the darkness.** "

 

The shadows ran towards Logan and Patton. Roman jumped over his friends and started slicing at the approaching creatures; Rage|Deceit followed Roman's lead and started defending from the other side. The shadows increased in numbers, threatening to overpower the pair. Focusing hard, Roman pulled Estelle into the room; she was slightly smaller outside of the kingdom, but still a fierce fighter. Without question, Estelle lunged at a nearby group of shadows; swiping them away with her sharp claws and knocking others away with her tail.

Depression sat on the edge of Virgil's bed and looked at Thomas, smiling as he watched the host tremble.

 

"I'm going to grab his other hand. Hold on tight, Patton."

Logan took a deep breath and plunged his head below the surface, reaching deeper into the darkness to grab Virgil's other arm. The liquid confused him to no end. It seemed thin when he moved through it but was thicker anywhere around Virgil's body. It was a struggle to pull the side's other arm up, but eventually he resurfaced with a gasp. With the better leverage, Patton and Logan slowly pulled Virgil up.

Thomas was snapped out of his trance when he noticed Virgil's head break the surface. He quickly moved forward to hook his arms under Virgil's armpits and helped the other two pull him into the hallway.

"Virgil? Virgil, can you hear me?" Patton questioned, shaking the sides shoulder as his head lolled to the side.

"He's not breathing," Logan ignored the feeling of dread that filled his stomach and set to work rolling Virgil onto his side to try and clear his airway.

"Sides can't die right?" Thomas looked at Patton, hoping for some reassurance, but what he saw in Patton's eyes did nothing to quell the fear rising inside of him.

 

Logan ignored the world around him; focusing solely on the black soaked side in front of him. He knew that sides didn't die, and his knowledge of fading was that impulses and aspects literally faded into the mindscape. Even if Virgil was to fade into the mindscape, his fusion would need to be undone to some degree. He knew Virgil wasn't a human, and yet Logan treated the situation in the same way he would if Thomas had come across a real drowning victim.

 

Logan checked for a pulse. No pulse. He looked for signs of breathing. Not breathing. CPR was necessary. Feeling like he was functioning on auto-pilot, Logan pictured Thomas’ first aide training in his mind and set to work. Pushing Virgil onto his back, he pinched his nose closed and tilted his head back with one hand, while the other gripped his chin and held his mouth open. Sealing his own mouth over Virgil's, Logan blew a strong breath into Virgil's mouth, before turning his head to the side and feeling the air come back out. He breathed again and checked for any type of response. Nothing.

Yanking the zip of Virgil's hoodie down, Logan found the centre of his chest and started chest compressions. Working to keep a steady rhythm and counting each desperate attempt to restart Virgil's heart.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Virgil stood in the middle of a white space and looked around in confusion. The space was completely empty.

"Hello!"

His voice echoed, but no reply came. Turning on the spot slowly, Virgil suddenly spotted a brown dot in the distance and started walking towards it. The dot slowly took shape and soon Virgil was standing before a large mirror framed in brown wood.

"What is going on?" he questioned his reflection.

Slowly figures began forming behind his mirror image, and Virgil's eyes widened as he took in the familiar and unfamiliar faces.

The room went completely black. Virgil reached out for the mirror, but it was no longer in front of him.

"Hello, Virgil."

Virgil froze as a light approached him from behind, casting his shadow across the floor. Slowly turning, he saw a glowing figure; its light so bright that he couldn't make out any discerning features.

"Who are you?" Virgil questioned, shielding his eyes from the brightness.

"I went by the name Survival. Do you remember me?"

 

Virgil remained still as reality dawned on him. Survival. He remembered. The first part of Thomas to exist in the mindscape, before any other form of thought or impulse. The one who created everything. His first form before he fused with others like fear and worry.

"I...I remember. I don't know how I could forget."

"I do. You had to forget. We made a mistake and then made another in a foolish attempt correct our apparent wrongs."

Virgil looked at the ground and wracked his brain, trying to remember more.

Suddenly, everything snapped back into place and he looked up at the glowing figure; eyes wide with realisation.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Depression watched as his shadows were cut down by Roman and Rage|Deceit; their regeneration speed slowing significantly as Roman advanced. He looked passed the fighting to see Logan performing CPR on Virgil, finishing his second round of 30 chest compressions and moving back to give Virgil two rescue breaths. He pulled at the chains on his wrist and frowned.

**"Still holding on, Anxiety. Why won't you just let go?"**

Depression stood and grabbed a nearby shadow, turning it into a sword and approaching Roman. Roman saw Depression advancing and quickly finished the shadow before him just in time to block Depression's incoming blow.

 

Despite the cold temperature of the area, sweat ran down Logan’s stained face as he continued to work on Virgil. His arms burned but he refused to stop for even a moment.

“Patton?” Thomas’ voice came out as a small squeak as he looked around at the chaos of his mind. “I don’t feel very good.”

The hallway lights went out as Thomas was hit with a wave of nausea and he braced his hands on the ground to steady himself. A lone bulb above them flickered back to life but it was extremely dull in comparison to its normal illumination.

Patton wrapped his arms around Thomas’ shoulders and squeezed him tight. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t fight like Roman, he couldn’t help Virgil and Logan, and he didn’t know what was happening to Thomas. He felt useless.

 

“ **Very well done, Roman. You truly are a formidable opponent.** ”  Depression smiled as he made each swing of his sword with ease.

 Something was definitely wrong with the mindscape; Roman’s body ached with every swing of his sword. He could sense Rage|Deceit to his right, preventing any shadows from entering the hallway, and Estelle to his left.

“ **I bet this feels very different to your normal battles in the imagination kingdom. Can you feel it?** ”

Roman clenched his teeth in frustration. Depression made each move seem effortless, while he was slowly feeling the weight of his sword increase. Depression swung again and Roman’s sword slipped straight out of his tired hands.

“The only thing I feel,” Roman grunted as he stepped back to avoid a second swing, “is contempt for you!”

Roman advanced again, pushing his exhaustion aside, eyes glowing gold as he conjured a new sword to his hand.

Depression smiled, “ **let’s change that then**.”

 

As their swords collided again, a bloodcurdling roar sent chills down Roman’s spine and he glanced over to Estelle. The dragon had her two left feet trapped in a frozen black hole and she was using her only free front claw to swipe fruitlessly at the shadows tearing away at her throat. Thick grey blood oozed from deep gashes and made Roman feel physically ill.

“ **Never take your eyes away from your opponent.”**

Depression pushed back against Roman’s sword and the prince stumbled backwards; dropping his arms and leaving his chest open. Seizing the opportunity, Depression slashed at Roman’s chest before kicking him to the ground. Roman’s vision blurred as his head connected with the frozen ground and Depression’s voice swam in his head - **_you are a failure_**.

 

“ **Creativity has its limits.”**

Depression started walking towards the hallway, stepping over Roman’s still form; his sash in ribbons, and white uniform now stained black and red.

Patton watched on in disbelief. Roman had been defeated, Rage|Deceit were busy defending them from the shadows, Thomas couldn’t fight and Logan was busy working on the unresponsive Virgil. Patton wanted to help. He stood with the intention of doing something to help but found himself frozen. He couldn’t move and his whole body trembled as Depressions voice filled his head - **_you are useless._**

Depression smiled at Patton’s frozen figure. “ **The heart can be broken.** ”

 

Rage|Deceit noticed Depression’s advance and moved to stop him.

“ **Don’t even bother.** ”

With a flick of his wrist, a shadow appeared at Rage|Deceit’s feet and tripped the fusion. Their sword hit the ground and the shadows were quick to cover and pull it away.

Depression stood over Rage|Deceit, “ **You two made a mistake.** ”

The air was knocked out of Rage|Deceit’s lungs as Depression kicked them in the stomach before shoving them over onto their back. Taking Rage’s red tank top in his hands, Depression pulled the fusion up. The unnatural strength of the impulse sapped away all of Rage’s will to fight.

“ **You should have never betrayed me.** ” Depression threw the fusion across the room. Deceit and Rage separated, and their individual forms crashed to the ground. Shadows wrapped around their wrists and ankles, pinning them in place.

 

“16…17…18…19”

Logan counted out loud to try and maintain focus. He knew sides couldn’t die like this. He knew this wasn’t fading. Virgil was still a complete fusion. Then he felt the resistance of Virgil’s chest waver and he swore he went translucent for a second.

“No, no, no, no.” Logan completed two more breaths and went back to chest compressions.

“ **Well, Thomas.”** Depression now stood in Virgil’s doorway, looking down at the host.

“ **Creativity has reached his limit. The heart is broken.** ” Patton didn’t move as Depression stepped passed him and stood directly in front of Thomas. “ **Dear logic can’t be reasoned with and Anxiety is almost gone.** ”

Thomas looked at Depression’s ankles as he shook away the melting chains. Kneeling before Thomas, Depression locked eyes with his host. “ **Looks like it is just you and me now.** ”

 

**********************************************************************************

 

“What if I wake up and forget everything?” Virgil asked Survival, fidgeting nervously with his sleeve.

“You’ll just have to remember it again.” Survival smiled at the anxious side, “I know you can do it. I am a part of you, remember.”

 

*********************************************************************************

 

“28…29…30,” Logan completed another rescue breath but his second was interrupted by a cough. Feeling a huge weight lifting off his chest, Logan quickly rolled Virgil onto his side as he expelled black liquid and gasped for air.

“Virgil!” Thomas was surprised by the amount of joy he was able to muster, considering the situation.

Depression watched as Thomas crawled over to Virgil and Logan, and his face contorted in anger. Patton shook his head, mind clearing, as he realised Virgil was awake.

“Y-you’re ok.”

Patton was at Logan’s side in no time, helping Virgil sit up despite Logan protesting that he should be laying down.

“ **Hey!** ” Depression sounded extremely annoyed. “ **Aren’t you forgetting about someone. I’m still here you assholes.** ”

A shadow jumped into Depression’s hand, shaping into a sword as he stood and moved to attack the group.

“Back off!”

Virgil’s eyes glowed purple and a shadow spread across the ground around him and his friends. As Depression brought his sword down, Virgil reached up and grabbed the shadow with his own hand. Depression froze and locked eyes with Virgil. Logan, Thomas and Patton looked on in shock and awe. Virgil had just come back from the dead, then appeared to control the shadows around them, and now he had stopped a sword with his bare hands.

 

“That’s enough, Hood.” There was a sizzling sound as the scars on Virgil’s arm faded away and Depressions chains melted to the floor.

“ **My name is Depression.** ”

“No more lying, Hood. Especially to ourselves. It’s time we got back together.”

“What is going on?” Thomas asked, as the two dark aspects stared at each other.

“Acceptance,” Virgil gave Thomas a half smile and closed his eyes.

 Virgil’s body glowed as he was pulled into a fusion with Depression.

“Virgil, No!” Logan and Patton both reached out to grab Virgil, but found their hands grasping at nothing but air.

 

When Rage temporarily fused with an impulse or side, the form reflected one of them involved in the fusion. There was no real physical indication that he was fused; unless he revealed his true eyes. A more formal fusion would adjust the personality or style of the impulses and reflected their new beliefs and intentions. The fusion that stood before the trio now seemed wrong. His skin was grey; black ran from under his mismatched eyes and down his cheeks. The cloak that Depression had worn was now shredded, revealing Virgil’s hoodie underneath.

 

“Virgil?” Logan tentatively stood and approached the fusion. “Are you still there?”

A grey and a purple eye looked back at Logan as he continued to move closer, watching the fusion blinking in confusion. Slowly the purple faded from his eye and the fusion roughly pulled Logan closer by his tie.

“ViRgIl iSnT hErE aNyMoRe!” The fusions voice was a jumble of Virgil and Depression’s voices. “ThIs RoOm Is MiNe NoW!”

He punched Logan’s face, cracking the sides glasses, before shoving him to the ground. Pulling a shadow sword back into his hand, the fusion stood over the logical side and looked over to Thomas; flashing him a fanged smile.

“ **We WoNt NeEd LoGiC aNyMoRe**.”

Thomas and Patton gasped as the sword came down. Logan squeezed his eyes shut but instead of feeling the sword slicing his fusion apart, he felt… wet?

 

 Opening his eyes, Logan looked up at the melting sword in confusion before looking into the fusion’s purple eyes.

“I’m SoRrY. LoOkS lIkE I mEsSeD uP aGaIn.”

“Virgil?”

“YeAh. ItS mE. SoRt Of.”

“What are you doing? Do you realise how dangerous this fusion is? Why did…”

The fusions face contorted in pain, but his purple eyes remained. “I mAdE a MiStAkE, Lo. I bRoKe My FuSiOn. DoN’t WoRrY.  If I cAnT tAkE bAcK cOnTrOl, i’Ll ReMoVe MySeLf FrOm ThE mInDsCaPe.”

“Wait! No!” Logan found himself yelling down an empty hall as the fusion vanished; taking with it the glimmer of hope Logan had felt. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you know a little bit about Survival, the first feature of Thomas' mindscape. I felt like he was a key feature of Virgil and it would only make sense that he wouldn't remember that part of himself. Why else would he be so down about his existence all the time?   
> More Virgil|Jacket and Depression|Hood backstory to come.
> 
> Also, added some art to chapter 2 and 3 (it isn't the best but it's alright). I'm wanting to keep developing my skills and add more weird drawings here and on the Tumblr version as well - http://snail-giggles.tumblr.com/post/182859579399/sides-of-a-hero (#sides of a hero)
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy the story :-)


	16. Losing and loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has created an unstable fusion with Hood and left Logan, Patton and Thomas in the hallway. How do you move forward after watching your friends fall?

Logan's head hung low in defeat while hot, silent tears streamed down his face and dripped onto the hallway carpet. He had never felt such intense emotion in his whole existence and had no idea what to do with it.

 Thomas wasn't moving. He sat with his legs crossed and stared at Logan. Patton stood next to him, his eyes were dry now. He had no more tears to shed and felt drained to his very core as he shuffled forward to rest a hand on Logan's shoulder.

"We need to stop."

Logan slowly sat back and looked up at Patton; taking in the neutral expression that plastered the usually happy sides face.

"We can't let our emotions maintain control right now, Logan. Thomas needs us."

Logan looked back at his host; eyes vacant and body still. Closing his eyes, Logan stood and pulled the moral side into a tight hug.

"R-r-right you are, Patton."

 

Releasing each other from their embrace, the two sides moved back over to their host and each extended a hand.

"Come now, Thomas." Logan found his voice calm and steady, despite his internal turmoil. "We can't stay here."

"We need to help the others, Kiddo."

Thomas grabbed his sides hands and pulled himself up. His head swam at the movement, but Logan and Patton easily steadied him; not letting go until they were sure he could stand on his own.

"Thanks, guys." Thomas took a deep breath and ran a hand threw his hair. "Everything just feels really weird right now."

"I know, Kiddo." Patton gave Thomas a small smile, "but we can't let our sadness take control right now."

"But that's the problem, Patton. I don't feel sad right now. I don't really feel anything. Nothing is making sense."

"Nothing is...logical at the moment, Thomas." Logan took off his broken glasses and started rubbing them with a cleaning cloth, slowly mending the cracks as he did. "I don't understand what is happening, Patton is emotionally drained, and Roman is..."

"Roman!" Realisation dawned on Patton and Thomas simultaneously and they turned towards Virgil's room.

Logan sensed the pairs distress, despite not knowing what had happened, and followed them as they raced into Virgil's room.

 

**********************************************************************************

  
Deceit felt the shadows grips loosen and pulled himself up; shaking off the remaining black liquid from his hands. He checked himself, searching for any signs of injury from their battle with the shadows and found himself free of any injuries beyond light bruising.

He let out a thankful sigh and smiled, "Well that could've gone worse, hey Rage?"

Deceit's stomach dropped as he looked over to Rage's unmoving figure on the ground. The yellow faded from his eye as unnatural tears fell from them for the first time and he knelt next to his friend.

"What did you do, Rage?"

Rage's shirt was in tatters and his body was covered with cuts and deep gashes from their battle with the shadows.

"Why didn't you share the injuries with me?"

 Pulling Rage into his lap, Deceit pulled off his coat and used the material to clear the shadows residue off Rage’s skin. Tears blurred his vision as Deceit realised, he could do nothing to help his friend.

"You are going to be ok. You hear me, Rage?" Deceit's voice wavered, thick with honest emotion. "I've got you buddy. I'm not going anywhere."

 

Deceit looked up and saw Thomas, Logan and Patton enter the room. He knew who they were looking for and was torn between calling out for their help or pointing them in the direction of Roman's concealed figure.

"Deceit! Are you ok?" Thomas started to walk over to the impulse; the two sides following close by. Deceit felt a new level of appreciation for the others and that made his decision easier.

"I'm fine. Roman's over there," Deceit pointed towards a mass of black. "He needs help."

 

Thomas and Patton turned and carefully navigated their way over to where Deceit had pointed; careful not to get too close to any unfrozen black holes. Logan watched Patton and Thomas briefly before he continued towards Deceit.

"What are you doing?" Deceit asked in confusion. He couldn’t comprehend why the logical side would ignore another side and be concerned with his wellbeing. "I just told you Roman is over there."

"Are you injured?" Logan knelt opposite Deceit and inspected Rage; taking in his collection of injuries.

"I-I-I'm fine. But..."

"Your eye isn't yellow." Now it was Logan who looked at Deceit in confusion. "Are you speaking the truth?"

Deceit opened his mouth to respond but closed it again as he suddenly realised that his voice had been matching what he intended to say.

"I... I am. I hadn't even noticed. How are you doing that?"

"I'm not. You are doing it."

A small smile crept across Deceit's face and Logan couldn't help but reflect it back. Rage stirred in Deceit's lap, letting out a groan as he moved his arm to rub at his face.

Deceit sighed in relief and did his best to look and sound somewhat serious as he looked down at Rage. “You selfish idiot. Why didn't you give me some of the injuries? You scared the crap out of me."

"I didn't want to damage those precious scales of yours." laughed Rage, grimacing as the movement caused him pain.

“It would seem that you are indeed ok,” Logan stood and readjusted his tie. "I'll leave you two for now. I must check on the others."

Deceit nodded and helped Rage sit up; still marvelling at what had just happened.

 

 

The darkness that had covered Roman slowly melted away and seemed to dissolve into the ground; the rooms original floor was beginning to become visible again. Patton's eyes glowed his light blue as he did his best to heal the large gash he could sense on Roman's chest. Thomas was oblivious as he pulled Roman up so his head rested in his lap; Roman groaned at the movement and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Sorry, Roman." Thomas smoothed the sides hair and looked at Patton. "Is he hurt really bad?"

As the blackness drained away and revealed Roman's damaged clothes, Patton was thankful that he could heal the others to some degree. The huge tear in the fabric now only revealed a long thin cut on Roman’s skin; much less confronting than the gash Patton was sure was there only moments before.

"Just a few cuts but he'll be fine." Patton gave Thomas a reassuring smile, "seems his outfit took most of the damage."

"Yeah. I'll be fine, Thomas." Roman did his best to hide the pain in his voice; he didn't want to upset Thomas any more than he already was. His limbs felt impossibly heavy and he couldn’t sense his kingdom at all; both sensations terrified Roman to his core.

 

Logan smiled as he approached, acknowledging that Roman was in good health considering the state of his clothes. The smile quickly faded from his face as the receding darkness revealed the body of a silver dragon behind the group. Patton's breath hitched in his throat as he turned and realised what had caught Logan's attention. The logical side walked straight past the group to check on Estelle, fearing the worst.

"Woah, take it easy Roman." Thomas was concerned as Roman struggled to sit up, hissing in pain with each movement.

"Is she ok?" he hissed through clenched teeth, ignoring Thomas and Patton's protests. "I can’t sense anything, Logan. Is Estelle ok?"

 

The silver creature was unmoving as Logan knelt and rested a hand on her side. Logan could recall the times he had met the guard dragon in Roman's kingdom and felt small and safe in her presence and protective aura. Now she seemed so small and deep gashes carved through her once shining silver scales, which were tarnished with sticky grey blood.

Using Patton and Thomas for support, Roman made his way over; sinking to his knees before Estelle's head. Logan rested his hands on his lap and bowed his head; words were not needed, they all knew the truth of the situation. Roman gently stroked Estelle's head, repeating a quiet apology under his breath.

 

Deceit and Rage approached and looked on at the mourning party before them.

"She was a brave warrior and loyal defender." Rage gripped Deceit's shoulder as he swayed slightly, still exhausted from the fusion and his injuries.

Deceit nodded in agreement, "a great leader of the royal forces."

"Her knowledge of the kingdom was extensive, and she used it to ensure it was run efficiently." Logan added, standing and encouraging the others to move closer.

"She was the shining light of the kingdom." Patton forced himself to smile, "she knew when to be serious and when to have fun."

Thomas looked around at the group and then stepped forward to kneel next to Roman.

"I didn't know her personally." Thomas placed a reassuring hand on Roman's shoulder, "but I can tell she played a big role in keeping the mindscape running. I wish I knew her."

 

Roman let out a shaky sigh, still stroking his fallen comrade. "She was... She was the best dragon a prince could ever ask for. There will be no other like you, Estelle."

Roman's eyes glowed gold and Estelle's figure began to fade to a ghostly silhouette that shimmered.

"I will miss you, my sweet Estelle. May your spirit be re-born into someone just as remarkable as you."

With a small flash, the silhouette sunk through the floor and vanished.

"Where did she go?" Thomas whispered.

"She's a part of the mindscape again. Pure imagination, waiting to be formed into something new." Tears gleamed on Roman's cheeks, but he still turned and gave Thomas a genuine smile. Thomas pulled Roman into a hug, careful not to be too rough with the injured side as they remain gripped in an embrace.

 

The group were not given much time to mourn as the room began to shake violently and the light was sucked away from the area.

"What's happening!" Thomas cried out, still holding Roman and feeling the others cautiously move closer in the darkness.

"I don't know," Logan felt sick from both his admission and the rooms shaking.

"I think the room is fading!" Deceit cried, pulling Rage with him as he tried to find the core sides. "If Virgil is losing to Depression, his room won't be able to exist!"

"Stay together!"

Logan's words were drowned out by the sound of crashing stone and splintering wood as the room began to lose all form.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

The once green and lush forest could now be compared to a tree graveyard. All colour had been lost in the area, and black veins ran from the ground and up various tree trunks. Few trees stood on their own; many held each other upright, mid fall, while others had their rotting roots pulled from the ground and lay on the forest floor. A barefoot pressed into the muddy ground, providing more stability for the fusion as their booted foot slid on a section of slick leaves. Virgil|Hood stumbled through the storm damaged forest; oblivious to the splintered wood cutting their foot and the damage they had caused to the mindscape. Their eyes flickered between grey and purple as the two impulses battled for control of their warped form.

**"JuSt GiVe Up AnD lEt Me HaVe CoNtRoL."**

The fusion stumbled and caught itself on the edge of a tree.

"WhY wOnT yOu JuSt AcCePt My FuSiOn AgAiN hOoD? I cAn FiX uS."

The world spun and Virgil|Hood lent over, stomach heaving out the black liquid that once formed the shadows that filled their room. Their body shook as they braced themselves against a tree and waited for the heaving to stop, hoping that they had finally expelled all the vile substance.

**"YoU hAd YoUr ChAnCe. It'S mY tUrN nOw.** "

“It WiLl Be DiFfErEnT tHiS tImE.”

**“I dOn’T bElIeVe YoU!”**

 

A loud crack filled the air and the fusion quickly dove to the side as two trees snapped free of their unnatural embrace and fell towards the ground. The world shook when the trees hit the floor and the crash that filled Virgil|Hood's ears cleared their head of all thoughts other than fear and pain.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Roman snapped his fingers and an oil lantern illuminated the group, blessing their eyes with a soft light in the thick darkness. The sides and impulses slowly untangled from each other to stand, careful of their two injured party members.

"Where are we?" Thomas questioned, looking around the illuminated area and reaching out to carefully touch the jagged edge of a stone wall.

"We are in a cave of some sort," Logan offered. "Was this what Virgil's territory looked like?"

"No," Patton shifted Roman's arm around his shoulder so the two could stand more comfortably. "Virgil's territory was a forest, with a water and a clear stream. It was bright and beautiful. Nothing like this at all.”

"That was the oasis." Deceit was still amazed that he was able to speak in truths, and actually enjoyed hearing them coming from his own unchanged mouth. "Caves and mountains surrounded it. Why else do you think it was the perfect hiding place?"

"That explains the spiders and lower temperature," Logan nodded and smiled at the impulses. "Very clever indeed."

 

 Thomas turned to look at his sides and impulses, his eyes fixed down at the ground. The lantern's light cast a flickering shadow across his face and added to the sombre tone of the moment as Thomas spoke.

"If the room is gone, does that mean Virgil was defeated?"

The group exchanged concerned glances; none could look at Thomas directly.

Logan stepped forward and sighed, "We don't know. This is uncharted territory for us, Thomas."

"But he could still be somewhere, right?" The group carefully nodded; it was possible. "Ok, well...Where would they go? Virgil said he needed to take back control or he would remove himself from the mindscape. Where would he go to do that?"

Thomas watched as Logan began mumbling under his breath, suggesting and countering different places that Virgil might go.

 

"The cliff edge." All eyes turned to Roman, "would he go there?"

Rage looked at Deceit and nodded. "That would make sense. Neutral zone so they are on equal terms and the..." Rage swallowed, not able to finish his thought.

"... The darkness might be a way to force himself to fade. It has always seemed..." Deceit adjusted Rage's weight and helped his friend to sit as the impulse's strength wavered again. "Deadly enough."

"OK," Thomas' voice came out with Patton's normal level of optimism. "So, we go to this cliff edge, help undo Virgil's fusion and push Depression over the edge. Problem solved."

Logan shook his head, "It won't be that simple, Thomas."

"Aww, but why not?" Patton whined; he had only just felt his optimism returning and didn’t want to be brought down again.

"I think Depression, Hood or whoever he is, is actually a part of Virgil."

Deceit laughed, "That is impossible."

"Oh, is it?" Logan looked at the two impulses. "Virgil said they had to get back together. He almost faded in that black liquid, which is impossible for a main side without first having one’s fusions separated."

"Hood and Jacket were never a fusion." Rage added, "we knew them back then."

"Yes, but what about prior to that." All eyes stared at Logan with a mix of confusion and disbelief. "They were both apparently nameless. All impulses, feelings, thoughts and actions that have ever existed within Thomas have had titles or names. They were the only two denied that privilege. Perhaps the reason they were nameless was because they had been unfused and lost their sense of self."

"So, who were they?" Deceit asked, "why don't we even remember who they were?"

"I can't think of any impulse that would have been a fusion of those two." Rage looked up at the sides, trying to think of anyone that could have been their fusion and disappeared. No one came to mind.

 

Logan laced his fingers together and held them up to his chin. "It isn't a perfect theory, but it is all we have to go on. Perhaps instead of trying to separate the two of them, we should be helping them to fix their fusion."

Roman suddenly felt a surge of energy shoot through his body as he had an idea. "Mirror!"

"What?" Patton looked at Roman. "Do you really need a mirror right now, Roman?"

"Not just any mirror, Patton! My magic fusion mirror! You know, the one that Lust and Ego used to talk to me?"

Logan's face lit up with realisation. "Yes! We could use the mirror so the fused impulses could communicate. We would find out what is going on AND be able to decide on the best course of action; either undoing the fusion or helping to strengthen it."

Roman took his arm off Patton and stood on his own, "I'll go to the kingdom to find the mirror, you guys get to the cliff edge to find Virgil."

"Will you be able to get to the cliff edge on your own, Roman?" Patton asked, looking between Roman and Logan to answer the question.

"I've been there before. I should be able to get there, or close enough anyway." Roman put a reassuring hand on Patton's shoulder. "I'll be able to heal better after I return to the kingdom."  
"Take me with you," Rage used Deceit to pull himself back up. "I... I get some strength from the kingdom, and I can take you to the cliff edge easily."

Roman nodded and moved to take Rage's hand, "See you all soon."

The side and impulse sunk down and Thomas, Logan and Patton all looked at Deceit.

 

"Can you help us get to the cliff edge, Dee?" Thomas asked.

Deceit beamed, feeling heat rush to his cheeks as he revelled in the fact that Thomas had referred to him by a nickname.

"Absolutely." nodding vigorously, Deceit closed his eyes pulled the group as close to the cliff edge as he could.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

Rage felt his legs give out the moment he rose up in Roman’s room; watching the world tilt in slow motion and lacking the awareness to stop it from happening.

“Woah, woah!” Roman wasn’t fast enough to catch Rage himself; conjuring a giant pillow on the ground was the best he could do.

Despite Roman’s attempt at cushioning, the fall was still jarring, and Rage’s world went dark again. His ears rang and Rage could feel his body moving but couldn’t get his mind a body to connect properly. He felt empty and even the energy of the mindscape felt off.

“Rage? Hey, Rage!”

Roman pulled the limp impulse up and lent him against his chest. Their clothes had been mended and most of their cuts had vanished. Pressing a hand to Rage’s forehead, Roman felt it was already slick with sweat as the impulses body temperature started to rise.

“Rage? What’s going on buddy?” Roman’s hands shook slightly as he conjured an ice pack and the pillow vanished from under them.

Being back in his room had helped Roman heal himself and Rage’s injuries, but there were other factors at play. Roman could feel the widespread damage in the imagination kingdom and how little energy the kingdom had at its disposal thanks to the colour draining. The storm had destroyed many buildings, but the draining energy had meant many imagined characters had faded into the mindscape. Even conjuring a simple pillow to catch Rage had cost Roman a great deal of energy and he felt other items vanish into mindscape to replace lost imagination energy.

 

Rage shivered, despite his body’s high temperature, and he managed to open his eyes enough to register where he was. Slowly, Roman’s voice came into focus and he heard the sides concerned pleas.

“I. Hear. You.” Rage managed to mumble and Roman sighed in relief that the impulse replied at all.

“Thank goodness. What’s going on? I thought you were connected to the kingdom and could heal here.”

“Can’t…not…enough...” Rage’s eyes slid shut as the light in the room was causing them to burn.

“The energy draining must effect impulses more.”

Roman looked around the room and thought hard. He could feel the decreasing energy; it was yet to physically affect him, but clearly the impulses of his territory were affected. As much as he loved every character, creature and object that he had created in the kingdom, Roman realised that they were wasting energy. Energy that impulses like Rage needed to be able to function in the mindscape.

 

Rage opened his eyes again and watched Roman’s bed fade into the mindscape, along with a rug and side table.

“What are you doing?” He mumbled and groaned as the action caused his head to pound in response.

“I’m trying to make more energy available to you. That’s the problem, right?”

“Yeah, but...”

“It’s helping, right? I’ve been removing anything unnecessary. There isn’t a single painting of me in this whole castle now.”

A smile pinched the edge of Rage’s mouth. “Nice, but you should stop.”

“Why?”

Rage lent forward to sit up on his own; his head pounding at the movement and he felt his whole-body shiver briefly, before stilling again.

“Don’t push it, Roman. Just focus on finding the mirror or we’ll all run out of energy and time.”

 

Roman wanted to argue, but Rage had a point. The mirror needed to be his focus if they were going to save Virgil and rebalance the mindscape. He couldn’t waste time in his bedroom, but that didn’t mean Roman was going to give up on helping Rage altogether.

Roman stood and moved in front of Rage before squatting down. “Hop on.”

“What?” Rage looked at the side through heavy eyelids, his eyes burning slightly from the light.

“Can’t expect you to walk around here, so…hop on.” Rage didn’t move. “Come on, before Ego changes my mind.”

 

Rage couldn’t help but smile as he carefully climbed on Roman’s back and the side showed his strength as he rose with ease. Resting his head on Roman’s shoulder, Rage closed his eyes and felt the side begin his journey through the maze of halls that was his room. Every door vanished as Roman got near so he could peer into the room with ease, seeking the black framed mirror.

“Why is it so hard to find?” Roman groaned as another hallway ended with a dead end and he turned to try a new direction, keeping up a reasonably fast pace.

“You’re the one that made your room a maze.”

“Yeah, I know. It kept you impulses out of my bedroom.”

Rage let out a muffled snicker. “You mean it made it easier for me to hide in your room.”

“No. Wait, what? I thought you needed to be in my bedroom?” Roman turned down another hallway and started to ascend a set of stairs.

“That may be where our influence is strongest, but the same result is achieved from your room in general over time. Having a huge room to hide in worked to my advantage all these years. Your guards didn’t find me half the time.”

“Well I will definitely be redecorating when this is over,” Roman huffed as he reached the top of the staircase.

Peering into the second room on that level, Roman almost dropped Rage in excitement as he saw the black mirror leaning against the wall.

 

“I’m guessing that’s it,” Rage said as he slid off Roman’s back and lowered himself into a nearby chair.

“Yep,” Roman moved over to investigate the mirror, staring at his solo reflection. “Ego? Lust? You guys in there?”

Rage watched as Roman stared and waited for the mirror to reveal his fusions. Nothing happened and Roman knocked in the mirror and stared in confusion.

“They just appeared last time. Why aren’t they coming now?”

“I don’t know. You’re the mirror expert.”

Rage stood and shuffled over to stand next to Roman, putting an arm around his shoulder for support. Looking at himself in the mirror was jarring, seeing the dark rings of exhaustion brimming his eyes and how his pale complexion could envy Virgil’s. Dark figures slowly came into view and Roman wrapped his arms around Rage’s waist as the impulse swayed.

“Easy there. You’re ok.” Roman assured him as he looked at the fusions in the mirror. “They’re your fusions. I think so anyway.”

 

The fusions stood to Rage’s left, and he could distinguish them clearly even though their bodies were covered in the same black substance from Virgil’s room. The darkness ran off them endlessly, dripping and disappearing onto the floor; only avoiding their eyes that were pure white.

“No offence,” Roman whispered, “but your fusions are creepy.”

“Anger? Guilt? Envy?” Rage ignored Roman’s comment as he looked at the horrifying fusions.

Another fusion appeared to Roman’s right and the side gasped in horror as Ego appeared in a similar state.

“Ego? What happened?”

 

“ _The darkness is spreading._ ” The dark fusions spoke in unison. “ _We are losing._ ”

Lust appeared, trembling and crying as they looked ahead at Roman. “The mindscape is on the verge of collapse. Thomas is in danger.”

“Lust?” Rage was relieved to see his friend still appeared normal. “What is happening?”

“Thomas’ negativity is out of control and spreading across the mindscape.” From nowhere, Lust’s hair began to dampen and black started to run down their face. “The more it takes, the more you lose.”

“How do we stop it?” Roman felt his determination increase as he watched the darkness thicken and cling to Lust’s clothes.

“You can’t. Only the one who started this can stop it.” Lust squeaked and bloody tears fell from their eyes as they cried in pain. “We don’t know who.”

“Lust!” Roman cried as the impulse crumbled to the ground, screaming in pain. Roman grabbed the edge of the mirror, wishing he could reach in and pull the fusions out. “I’ll fix this! You hear me? We’ll save you all!”

Roman grabbed at his chest as he felt a sharp pain, and Lust rose to stand with the other fusions. Their white eyes burned into Roman and Rage’s minds before they faded away in the mirror.

 

Rage sat down on the ground, as did Roman. Both breathing just as fast as their racing minds; realising how much the darkness was affecting them and the mindscape. Rage was reeling from not only realising why he felt empty, but also how Envy and Guilt had been fused with him. The two sat in silence, processing everything, until finally Rage spoke.

“We need to find the others. They are either feeling the effects of this negative energy too or are going to start feeling it soon enough.”

Roman nodded and stood, extending a hand to help Rage up and pull his arm over his shoulder again. “I’ll do the travelling, I just need you to guide me.”

“Sounds fair to me.” Rage rested his head on Roman’s shoulder and focused on the cliff edge; opening himself up to Roman and allowing their minds to meld.

Looking at Rage’s exhausted figure made Roman’s heart ache, and the fact that he was now able to sense exactly how the impulse was feeling didn’t improve his general mood. Taking a slow breath in, Roman focused on grabbing the mirror and sinking out.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Virgil|Hood lay on their side, knees pulled close to their chest as nausea gripped their stomach in a vice. The moment the nausea passed, Virgil took back control and used a fallen tree to pull himself up onto shaking legs.

“It’S nOt SaFe HeRe.” He grunted through clenched teeth as he began limping forward.

Virgil could feel Hood trying to take back control. The sensation was akin to being pulled by a strong water current and when he lost control he was temporarily drowned. Hood screamed in his head; a loud shrill that made Virgil wish he couldn’t hear a thing. He wished he would stop. That it would all stop. Hood wasn’t giving up and he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to hold himself together.

_I can’t let Hood win, but I want this pain to stop. It needs to stop. Make it stop. Stop. Stop._

Every pained step brought the fusion closer to the cliff edge, until Virgil finally saw it.

 

The edge had always shown a blue sky or a soft sunset, with just enough cloud to not mask the beauty of the scene. Now, the edge blurred with the dark storm clouds that smothered the sky. Even from the forests edge, Virgil could tell the darkness of the abyss had changed as he could sense the increase in energy of the area.

Heat rolled over Virgil|Hood’s body, and the fusion dropped to their knees as nausea took hold and black spilled from their mouth again. It felt like they were bringing up razor blades as the fluid rose up their throat. Virgil maintained control despite the pain, but he continued to mentally beg for it all to end.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Rising up and teleporting felt very different. For Logan, Patton and Roman, sinking and rising was a smooth transition from one location to another. For the likes of Virgil, Rage and Deceit, teleporting was instant while rising felt like they were being taken from sea level to high altitude in an instant and left them feeling ill or lightheaded. Every aspect had a preferred way to travel and deviating from that method was never a pleasant experience.

Deceit’s teleportation was the second time Patton had experienced that method of travel and it was only slightly better the second time around. He didn’t pass out this time, instead finding himself sitting on the ground next to a sleeping Logan and looking up at Deceit.

“We made it! Well done, Dee.”

Patton’s congratulations fell on deaf ears though, as Deceit’s body swayed before dropping roughly to the ground. Patton cried out as he moved to check on the fallen Deceit; breath catching in his throat as he rolled the impulse over and saw black running from his eyes, nose and ears, his breathing slow and rasped. Any hint of colour from Deceit’s scales was gone and they were so thin Patton could make out his leathery skin underneath.

“Hey, what’s going on, Kiddo? Talk to me.” Patton’s hands shook as he carefully brushed Deceit’s hair aside and watched the impulses eyes flicker open and closed.

 

“ **DoN’t WoRrY.** ” Patton froze and a shiver ran up his spine at the sound of Virgil|Hood’s voice. “ **It WiLl Be OvEr SoOn.** ”

Virgil|Hood stood on shaking legs, Thomas silently kneeling at his feet.

The host’s head hung low as he tried to comprehend how he was feeling. Empty. He felt completely hollow, despite everything he had witnessed and what he knew was happening, he felt absolutely nothing. He knew he should have been sad, or scared at the least, but not this emptiness.

 " **I'm GoInG tO mAkE eVeRyThInG bEtTeR.** " Thomas looked up as Virgil|Hood extended a shaking grey hand; eyes flickering purple slightly but inevitably returning to grey.

"Stop!" Patton's voice was firm, and he locked eyes with the fusion. "How is this better? You're hurting everyone. You're hurting Thomas."

Logan groaned from behind as he regained consciousness and slowly sat up, head spinning and his mind surprisingly empty.

" **ThOmAs Is FiNe.** " Virgil|Hood smiled down at the host, " **ArEn'T yOu, ThOmAs?** "

"No... I-I-I'm not." Thomas stammered, never taking his eyes off the fusion before him.

“The mindscape is breaking down.” Logan was finally standing and shakily moving forward; Patton stood to help steady the weakened side. “You need to stop before we have a complete breakdown and…”

 

Virgil|Hood laughed, but the laughter became garbled as black started running from their mouth and left eye.

“ **CaN’t StOp It. YoU’rE mInE nOw.”**

“Logan?”

Patton put his arm around Logan’s shoulders as the side started coughing; practically heaving into his hands. When the coughing subsided, Patton’s eyes grew wide as he saw the spattering of black on Logan’s hands.

“It would seem that my territory has become overwhelmed.” Voice slightly strained, Logan looked at Patton in defeat. “I don’t know what to do?”

“ **GiVe Up.** ”

“No.” Patton Whispered in reply, avoiding all eye contact with the fusion. His confidence only fell further as he looked between the fallen Deceit and weakening Logan. Thomas finally moved, slowly standing and looking over at Patton with intense brown eyes.

“We won’t give up. We can’t.” Thomas looked back at Virgil|Hood, eyes begging. “Stop this. Please.”

The fusion’s face dropped slightly, watching the host as he stood firmly before him. Patton wasn’t sure what was happening, but he started to feel again; though he didn’t know what he was feeling yet.

“I want you to stop.” Thomas begged, “Let this go. Please… Stop the shadows. Please… Virgil...”

 

Everything moved in slow motion the moment the word Virgil escaped Thomas’ lips and graced the fusions ears. Patton let go of Logan and moved forward as Virgil|Hood’s face contorted and a shadow on the ground stretched into their hand.

“ **I’m** **NoT vIrGiL!** ”

Patton didn’t know what he was doing. His body just reacted, moving between Thomas and Virgil|Hood as the fusion jabbed its newly formed weapon forward.

 

“PATTON, NO!”

 

A blink of an eye. It took only a blink of an eye. One moment Patton was at Logan’s side and the next he wasn't. Logan felt Patton move but couldn't do anything except cry out as he watched Virgil|Hood's black drenched fist move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to upload. Life kind of got in the way and I was forced to really limit my creative time.  
> As much as I always say "if I could have one super power, I would want the power to refill anything" I think time manipulation would also be good. Imagine how much drawing, painting and writing I could do without time constraints... I could actually practice, learn and improve in those areas. That would truly be a dream come true.


	17. My own worst enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buying time. They were meant to just be buying time for Roman and Rage to get the mirror so they could help Virgil. It seemed so simple. Fool proof almost… Instead, Patton ended up putting himself in harm’s way.  
> The battle for Virgil continues.

The sound of breaking glass filled the air as Patton fell backwards into Thomas, knocking them both to the ground with a definitive thud. Logan stumbled forward as Patton struggled to breathe, coughing and gasping while Thomas pulled himself out from under the moral side.

"Breathe, Patton."

Logan ran his hands over Patton's chest, searching for the penetration wound that he was sure the shadow fuelled punch would have caused; but was shocked to find Patton's clothes were all intact. Patton's breathing steadied, although still pained, and Logan stared at him in confusion.

"W-w-what happened? I was sure he hit you?"

Patton coughed again, "he did. It hurt."

Logan shook his head; immediately regretting the movement as his head swam and he swayed sideways.

"Woah there," Patton's chest ached as he quickly sat up to steady Logan's shoulders, "Take it easy, Logan."

 

"Patton? Logan?" The two sides turned at the sound of Thomas' voice. "Are they ok?"

 

Thomas looked up at Virgil|Hood, fist frozen mid-air, the dark shadow melting from their hand and dripping to the ground. The fusions eyes were locked on the ground where the broken mirror lay next to a kneeling Roman; Rage still draped across his back.

 

 

Roman looked at the broken mirror, breathing heavily as the edge of his vision blurred and masked the others presence. He stared at the fractured reflection of the fusion; unable to avert his gaze from the vacant grey eyes that use to belong to his friend. Rage groaned and shifted on Roman’s back, causing him to blink and the reflection on the fractured glass shifted. The vaguely familiar face splintered across the glass shards, rippling and twisting until multiple faces slowly came into focus. Although the faces reflected appeared similar, they each had their own unique features that differentiated them; eye colour, hair style and representation of Thomas’ age separated them all.

 

“Virgil?” Roman breathed out as he recognised the sides stitched jacket. “Are you ok?”

Virgil nodded but dropped his head down, hiding his face behind his drooping bangs.

“ _A mirror of truth.  Very clever._ ”

Roman looked up to the fusion but quickly looked away as he was blinded by a bright, white glow being emitted from its eyes.

“Who are you?” Logan questioned, still sitting with Patton and Thomas. “What do you embody?”

The fusion turned to look at the trio, finally dropping its hand to its side and taking a more relaxed stance. Logan and Patton averted their eyes from the fusions light, while Thomas stared forward completely unfazed.

“ _I’m sorry, Thomas._ ” The fusion spoke in earnest and looked to the shattered mirror. “ _We made a mistake many years ago and you are paying the price now._ ”

“What happened?” Thomas stood and moved to stand at the fusions side, leaving Patton and Logan where they sat.

 

Roman slid Rage to the ground, muscles aching with the movement as he was gripped by exhaustion. When he looked back up, he made eye contact with Logan and Patton. The pair looked miserable and he imagined he appeared very much the same.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Thomas repeated calmly, “I’m not upset. I just want to know the truth.”

“ _We’re survival._ ” The fusion remained focus on its splintered reflection as it spoke. “ _One of your first impulses to inhabit the mindscape._ ”

Logan gasped and immediately started coughing; Patton patted his back until the coughing subsided, ignoring the black that spatted Logan’s hands and the ground.

“ _We were a fusion,_ ” he gestured to the impulses reflected in the mirror. “ _We worked to protect. We kept you alive. We found more that wanted to help, but…_ ”

“It was too much.” Virgil’s voice sounded small coming from the mirror.

“What do you mean too much?” Patton asked; he couldn’t see the mirrors reflections well but hearing Virgil’s own voice was a comfort.

“ _Fight, flight and freeze were simple impulsive actions; specks of light…like me. Then we found others,_ ” survival gestured to the different reflections as he spoke, “ _fear, nervousness, worry, sadness, doubt_ …”

“Deceit.” Virgil added and the fusion turned, looked over at Deceit and nodded.

The impulse still appeared to be unconscious and Patton gave him a worried glance, wishing he could do more.

 

Logan wanted to shake his head but refrained from the unnecessary movement. What Survival said didn’t add up at all.

“They can’t be your fusions. Those impulses were around with…with…with the nameless impulses.”

“And surely Deceit would remember being a fusion with you?” Patton added, looking back at the main group.

“He lies,” Virgil huffed, “even to himself. That was his curse.”

“ _We thought we were too strong for such a young Thomas to handle._ ” Darkness danced across the mirror and Survival tensed up. “ _When Thomas cried in fear every night, we knew we had done something wrong. We undid our mistakes._ ”

“How?” Roman asked, leaning forward to get a better look at the mirror and inspect the impulses shown.

“ _We used a reverse seal. We had to reduce the amount of negative energy being produced. We needed to separate and seal up some of our negative thinking. It worked but…_ ”

“But not all of you returned from the fusion whole.” Thomas put a hand on Survival’s shoulder, a small comfort for the old impulse.

“ _We lost partial connection to the mindscape. We cursed ourselves. The nameless pieces, Hood and Jacket, were partial fusions of what remained. Near identical in every way.”_

“That’s not true,” Roman stared at his friend, “Virgil didn’t become evil and Depression did. They are not identical at all.”

“Yeah we were, Princey.” Virgil sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, “he only changed after we accidentally released the negative energy we had sealed away.”

“ _That is what is infecting the mindscape. That is what has been draining you all._ "

 

As if on cue, a rumble echoed through the mindscape and the ground shook. Thomas held onto Survival to steady himself as the ground continued to shudder with increasing vigour. Roman locked eyes with Virgil's reflection as the mirror began to blacken, gripped by a darkening shadow that appeared to be spreading and rising out of the mirror.

"Virgil!" Roman cried out as the shadow engulphed the anxious side and the shaking finally stopped.

" **ThIs Is My BoDy NoW.** "

Thomas had been so focused on remaining upright, he hadn't noticed the fusions eyes change back to a dull grey. As his mind comprehended the fusions dangerous voice, he was already being thrown to the ground and landing on the shattered remains of the mirror. He waited for the pain, the feeling of slicing flesh, the rush of fear. None of those things came.

On reflex, Roman stood and swung a fist at the fusion. The action proved futile as the fusion easily dodged and followed with a hooked punch into Roman's jaw, knocking him to the ground.

" **EnOuGh!** " black shadow vines burst from the ground and snaked around Roman's throat. " **It'S mY tUrN tO cOnTrOl.** "

 

Logan pushed himself up to try and help but was pulled back to his knees as shadows whipped around his arms and constricted his body. Patton remained still; looking from Thomas' trembling body back over to Deceit. The shadows moved slowly around him compared to the other two; his lack of fight working in his favour.

"Stop. Hood? Depression? Negativity? Whatever you want to be called. Please stop." Thomas begged, but the fusion only smiled as he willed the shadows to squeeze harder.

Roman gasped as the shadows slowly constricted his airway; his form wavered as his fusion threatened to split amid the chaos. It took every ounce of his energy and will to keep himself together; if he remained whole, he wouldn't be able to fade.

 

An idea finally solidified in Patton's mind and his eyes glowed blue as he looked over at Deceit.

"Stop lying, Deceit!" he called out and the fusion froze and turned to look at Patton.

"What are you... Talking about?" grunted Logan as he continued to pull against his binds.

"I know you are trying to protect everyone." Patton's body burned as he used his energy and a trickle of black escaped his nose. "But we need to see the truth. We'll be ok."

Deceit's unconscious form evaporated and suddenly he was visibly kneeling beside Thomas and resting a scaled hand on his shoulder. Black ran off half of his body while his scaled side was untouched and his slit eye glowed. Thomas let out a shaky breath and looked at the impulse, confused and unsure of what was about to happen.

" **WhAt ArE yOu DoInG?** " the fusion's voice was higher in pitch; exposing his fear as Deceit's eye faded to brown and the scales flaked off to reveal a bare hand. " **DoN't!** "

 

The fusion's cry was pointless as Thomas cried out and bent over, withering in pain. His body ached, his head pounded as spots danced across his vision and bile burned his throat as his stomach churned. The shadows slackened their grip but remained in place as the fusion slid to their knees in front of Thomas, shaking hands unsure of where to touch and comfort the host.

" **ThEy HuRt YoU**. I'm SoRrY **. I'lL fIx ThIs.** LeT mE **...** " the fusions eyes changed to purple and their hands steadied and rested on Thomas' shoulders. "I'm SoRrY wE hUrT yOu. I'lL mAkE sUrE yOu NeVeR hUrT aGaIn."

Standing, the fusion stared moving towards the cliff edge; darkness emanating from every step.

"Stop." Thomas had his head down and his body shook as he spoke. "You d-don't have to f-f-fix any-fff-ing... It'sss ok to n-not be...ok s-s-somet-t-times."

The fusion stopped and looked at the collection of eyes staring at them; his left eye dulled to grey while the other remained purple.

"It's ok to feel sad." Patton smiled with his face and eyes despite his exhaustion. "There will be a light at the end of the tunnel."

Logan and Roman stopped fighting the shadows, realising that fighting had only made things worse. Logan smiled to himself as he realised what Thomas and Patton were doing.

"We are forever learning," his glasses slid down his nose as Logan spoke. "We don't need to know everything right now. There is plenty of time to learn more."

"It’s only a fail," Roman's voice was rasped from the shadows constriction, "if you … stop trying… We can always get better."

 

Tears took turns falling from each of the fusions eyes as they comprehended what was being said. Despite his throbbing head, Thomas looked up and locked eyes with the fusion; his final plea.

"I don't… care what you did…. who you were, or… who you are." He paused and closed his eyes as he waited for another nausea wave to subside. "I care about who you want to be. So ... Who do you want to be?"

 

Thomas grunted and squeezed his eyes shut in pain as the fusion burst into a vibrant white light. As the light dimmed, two impulses stood with their hands locked together. A grey skinned figure in a black hooded jumper, and a paler figure buried in a large zip up jacket. A puddle of black surrounded their feet and slowly spread out around them.

"Hood and Jacket," Rage stiffly shifted into an upright position, his skin appeared grey as black still ran from his nose and one eye.

"Is this who you want to be?" Patton asked.

The impulses looked at each other, squeezing their hands lightly before shaking their heads.

 "I only wanted to help. I thought I was helping, but clearly I wasn't." Hood confessed.

"Me too." Jacket admitted, "I shouldn't have locked you away."

"I should have listened to you. You wouldn't have had to lock me up if I had listened."

"You deserve to live your life." Jacket gestured to the other sides, "We can learn how to work better. We can become a true part of Thomas and we'll find our names again."

"I don't want to fight... I don't want to hurt anymore." Hood bowed his head as tears streamed down his face. "I don't want to be alone. Please don't leave me alone."

Jacket pulled Hood into a tight embrace and the impulses sobbed. Deceit took a deep breath and his eye glowed; concealing Thomas' pain once more. Thinking nothing of it, Thomas stood and raced to embrace the two small impulses; realising just how tall he had grown as an adult now that he embraced the younger versions of himself.

 

Patton sniffed as tears fell from his eyes and he looked over to Logan who was trying to twist one of his hands free of the snaring shadows.

"I think everything is going to be ok, Logan."

The words soured in Patton's mouth as the mindscape started to quake again and he felt his body burn as the shadows heated and started constricting his body again.

Logan cried out in pain as spikes formed on his shadow vines, piercing his skin and causing rivers of blood to stream down to the ground.

"What's happening?" Thomas asked, releasing the impulses and turning to approach a now gasping Roman.

He only took a few steps before crumbling to his knees in pain as Deceit's eye blackened and the impulse collapsed roughly on the ground; quickly being engulphed by shadows rising from the cracking forest floor.

"You need to stop this," Jacket begged, not releasing Hood's hand from his grasp.

"I-I-I can't." Hood's body shook and he looked at Jacket in terror. "I can't feel the shadows anymore. I can't stop it."

Rage cried out and his form glowed and splintered; leaving four, black coated impulses, screaming in his place. Hood stared at the pain and destruction he had caused; breathing becoming more rapid the longer he looked.

 .

.

.

_Sometimes there isn't a nice solution. This wasn't something that could be fixed by simply hugging it out and having Thomas accept us. We are aspects of a person. Functions of a human brain. Of course our problems couldn't be solved in a human manner. It doesn't work that way._

Jacket's eyes flickered white briefly before returning to their natural brown and he grabbed Hood's other hand to force him to make eye contact.

"Do you trust me?" Jacket asked, tone deep and serious.

Hood nodded and Jacket pulled him along as the two ran to the cliff edge. Patton released a bone chilling cry of desperation as he watched the two impulses leap over the edge and the mindscape went black.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

_I didn’t jump to kill us. I know the others will think we jumped to die, but the truth is... we jumped to escape. People are different ... People can go for walks or take a holiday when they need to reset or refresh their mind. Mental aspects… we don’t have that luxury._

 

Jumping into the darkness was strangely freeing and not as terrifying as Jacket had expected. Despite his firm grip, Jacket felt Hood slipping away.

**“Don't leave me alone!** ” Hood begged.

_“I won't! I'm not leaving you again!”_

Jacket pulled Hood closer and they continued to freefall into the abyss. Slowly their bodies flaked away until they were nothing but pure energy inside the subconscious mind of their host.

 

********************************************************************************

Sometimes you just know something is wrong. You don’t know what is wrong, or how you know it, but you just know. You feel uneasy and cryptic thoughts just zoom through your racing mind and you can only grab at the surface of an idea. Eventually the feeling is so overwhelming that you just have to act. This is what happened to Terrence. After waking up in the early hours of the morning, a worrying feeling in the pit of his stomach, Terrence made the decision to drive down to visit Thomas for a few days under the guise of wanting to surprise him. It seemed simple in his mind; visit Thomas, confirm that he was fine, hang out and then head back home feeling refreshed. Instead, now he was sitting on the cold front step of Thomas’ house, messaging Joan after Thomas’ phone rang out for the fifth time in a row.

 

 

**Terrence** : He still isn’t answering and there is nothing on his socials. I’m worried.

 

**Joan** : AJ is going to check the office just in case.

 

**Terrence** : Have you heard from anyone else?

 

**Joan** : No news. No one has heard from him since yesterday. I'm heading to you now.

 

**Terrence** :  I know it hasn't been that long, but it isn't like Thomas to not respond.

                 Or even message somebody during the day.

 

**Joan:** I know what you mean. I’m not too far away.

 

**Terrence** : I’ll keep trying to call him. 

 

 

Terrence put the phone to his ear again and stood to stare up at the apartment, wishing it was easier to break in. On one hand he was thankful that he hadn’t been able to get in because that meant the place was safe, but on the other hand he couldn’t delete the idea that Thomas was inside injured or worse. Terrence hung up the phone as Thomas’ voice message played again. He felt his anxiety increase with every failed phone call and it seemed to be taking forever for Joan to arrive with their spare key. He felt useless, despite everything he had done to solve the mystery so far. Hitting redial again, Terrence counted the rings, hoping that the number would change, and he would hear Thomas apologising profusely for not responding sooner.

 

 

When Joan finally arrived, Terrence practically dragged them from the car to the door without exchanging a single word. By this stage they were both worried beyond comprehension and had the weight of Thomas’ whole friendship circle on their shoulders. Terrence held his breath as Joan opened the door, afraid of what they would find inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you are enjoying it. Scared and excited for the ending. This will be my first writing project that I have completed (outside of school English assessments). Next update will be at least a week away (possibly two). I've got another week at work and then I get a 2 week break - it's not really holidays because I still 'work', I just don't have to go INTO work.


	18. Aching in my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Terrence had been away, he still sensed that something was wrong and thankfully he acted on his instinct and alerted others to Thomas’ radio silence. 24hours of silence may seem like nothing to some, but for someone like Thomas, it was definitely a red flag. Terrence and Joan gain access to Thomas’ house, not entirely sure what they are expecting/hoping to find.

The moment he opened his eyes, Thomas regretted the action. His head pounded and he felt like he was laying on a bed of spikes rather than his supportive mattress. Despite the low light that filled the room, his eyes burnt as if he was looking directly at the midday sun and he squeezed them shut as his head exploded with a new wave of pain.

The pain was excruciating, to the point he couldn't think straight, and it felt like his senses were barely functioning. Feeling the burn of acid rising in his throat, Thomas painfully stumbled towards the bathroom; not daring to open his eyes more than a slither in an attempt to lessen the pain in his head. Finally leaning over the cool porcelain bowl, Thomas was faced with the horrible sensation of expelling only bile thanks to having not eaten since the previous evening. Folding his arms across the bowl, he rested his forehead on his arms as his stomach continued to heave and churn. It felt like his skull was going to burst open with the pressure in his head and he silently wished it would just so the pain would end.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Joan pushed the door open, swiftly pulling the key out of the lock as they strode inside with Terrence quickly pushing past and heading for the lounge.

"Thomas?" Terrance scanned the empty couch before heading up the stairs.

Joan paused at the dining table, scanning the downstairs area and confirming that everything was where it should feasibly be. Nothing was out of place and Thomas' laptop was set down neatly on the table. Any other time Joan would have felt comforted being there, but today they just felt lost.

 

As Terrance reach the top of the stairs, he heard coughing coming from the bathroom and felt his heart skip a beat. Despite his mind screaming "danger", he charged into the bathroom without a second thought. The relief that flooded Terrence's body upon seeing Thomas was quickly turned back into worry as he took in his friends trembling form.

"He's here, Joan!" Terrence called over his shoulder before kneeling behind Thomas and resting a comforting hand on his back. "Hey buddy, you alright?"

 

Thomas knew someone was in the room with him and was beginning to register that there was a hand on his back, but he couldn't quite hear what they were saying. As Thomas lent back, Terrence helped guide him so he could lean against the wall in the small room. Joan appeared in the doorway and locked eyes with Terrence.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure yet." Terrence moved next to Thomas to give him something stable to lean against. "Thomas? Talk to us."

Terrence's voice was soft and gentle, and Thomas was relieved when his brain was able to function enough to connect what he was hearing to his conscious thought.

"Terrence?" mumbled Thomas softly.

"Yeah, man. It's me." Terrence gently placed a hand on Thomas' forehead to check his temperature; he was warm, but not to any concerning degree. "What's going on?"

"Headache."

"Have you taken anything for it?"

"mh-mm."

Terrence looked up at Joan who nodded and went straight to the medicine cabinet to find some form of pain relief. Joan had seen a few people suffer from migraines before, but this was a new level for Thomas, and it was jarring to see their friend so distressed.

 

"Do you think you can stand?" Terrence whispered, now aware of how loud his voice was in the echoing room. "The floor isn't very comfortable."

"Maybe." Thomas didn't want to move; fearing that standing would trigger more nausea and he did not want to feel that way again any time soon.

Joan finally found some Advil, filled a small cup with water and knelt in front of Thomas. "This should help."

Thomas gratefully accepted both, feeling the cool water soothe his burnt throat and give his stomach something to hold on to.

"We need to get you out of here," Joan commented, "or you need to make your floor more comfortable."

Thomas managed the smallest of smiles, before returning to a grimace as he slowly stood. Terrence did his best to support his friend but quickly realised that their height difference meant he wasn't much help at all.

"I could be more helpful if I were taller," Terrence grumbled as Thomas stopped and swayed slightly; bracing against the wall briefly before continuing to move forward.

"You could also say it would be easier if Thomas was shorter," added Joan as they moved to Thomas' other side and helped guide their friend back into his room.

"I didn't choose my height." Thomas spoke in a barely audible mumble, feeling bad as he gripped Terrence's shoulder to stop himself from leaning too far sideways. "I used to be short."

"Yeah you were." A smile managed to crawl across Terrence's face, “But we were probably still shorter."

 

Thomas was thankful to be back on his bed now; it felt so much better after experiencing the hard, cold, bathroom floor. It was only a small distance between his room and the bathroom, but it felt as though he had run a full marathon. His muscles ached and the throbbing at the back of his head was still his biggest source of grief. Terrence helped adjust pillows to make Thomas more comfortable, before finally settling himself up beside him.

Joan noticed Thomas' phone lying on the carpet; picking it up to discover that the battery was completely dead.

"Well this explains why he wasn't answering any of your calls." Joan showed Terrence the black screen before walking away to plug it into a charger.

"I'm sorry," Thomas mumbled, feeling guilty for making his friends worry about him so much.

"There is absolutely nothing to apologise for." Terrence brushed Thomas' hair away from his face and smiled. "We're not going to disown you because you're sick."

"Speak for yourself," Joan grumbled; a smile pulling at their cheeks. "No friend of mine is going to hide being unwell and get away with it."

 

Thomas grimaced as Joan's phone started ringing loudly; they gave Terrence an apologetic look before racing out of the room. Terrence gently stroked Thomas' hair, his mind still racing as he wondered if they were doing the right thing. Thomas had been unresponsive all day. What had he been doing all day? How long had he been in pain? Should they be taking him to a doctor? Questions continued to race through Terrence's mind at a rapid pace and he was unable to grasp them long enough to assess them logically. Watching Thomas' face slowly calm and soften provided him with some comfort, and he did his best to remain calm as he waited for Joan to return.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Computer screens flickered between black and static; the mechanical hum filled Logan's ears as he regained consciousness on the hard floor of his territory’s lab. His limbs felt weighted and he struggled to get his eyes to focus as he attempted to evaluate the room. The humming and flickering of lights was overwhelming and Logan groaned as he rolled over with heavy limbs, and slowly dragged himself across the floor to reach his room. As he came closer to the door, paper started feeding through a printer; the scratching and scraping of the machine caused Logan to stop and press his hands against his ears in an attempt to dull the unbearable sound. Tears welled in his eyes as the rooms light and sounds continued to increase, and his attempts to block out the stimuli proved futile.

"P-P-P-Patton." he whimpered into the floor, "Rommman. Helllllp."

 

**********************************************************************************

 

When Roman opened his eyes, he was surprised with how normal the room around him seemed. The bed beneath him was soft and the wooden frame was reminiscent of a design Thomas had seen in an old story book. Sitting up and looking around at the stone walls, Roman found the rooms design to be simple and well organised. Clean wooden dressers with mirrors set on top, mounted swords and other weaponry, two plain wooden doors, a shuttered window, a curious staircase spiralling upwards, and his grand oak door to the common area.  Cautiously standing, Roman moved towards one of the dressers mirrors and was shocked to find himself still in his black stained attire; face smeared with dirt and black.

"NO!"

Roman squeezed his eyes shut, cupping his face as tears threatened to spill from his eyes, and dropped to his knees. He felt his clothing shift as he willed himself clean, wishing he could also clean his mind of the horrible memory of the cliff edge. He could still feel the vines around his neck and the screams of Patton and Rage haunted his hearing in the quiet room. Shaking his head slowly, Roman managed to hold back the tears as he stood and faced his reflection again. The side staring back at him looked afraid and broken. Roman braced his hands against the dresser and stared hard at his reflection.

"My name is Roman, and I am a core side of Thomas Sanders. My main role is managing the imagination kingdom and facilitating Thomas' dreams and creative aspirations. I've fused and worked with many impulses and aspects during Thomas' life and they have shaped me. I am strong. I will get through this. For me. For Thomas. For..."

Roman swallowed and stood up straight, retaking his proud stance and looking a lot more like himself.

"For Virgil."

Satisfied with how he looked, Roman strode over to the window and threw open the shutters to look at the kingdom. The chaos that he saw took his breath away and he immediately sunk down to reach what was once the main square.

 

The kingdom was in shambles as every aspect of Thomas' imagination filled the town. Roman had always enjoyed the fantasy aesthetic and had previously designed the kingdom so that each stone or wooden hut acted as a sealed portal to different imaginative realms. Now, a skyscraper sat next to his castle, 2D cartoon animals were running down the street, various people that Thomas had seen or met roamed the streets in confusion, and two dragons flew overhead as they were chased by a Harry Potter themed Thomas on a broom.

Roman stood next to a Doctor Who Tardis, watching as Lion from Steven Universe chased a young Simba down an alleyway between a brick house and a Krispy Kreme store. Roman felt someone come up beside him, sipping loudly from a straw.

"This place is an absolute mess, Babes." Turning, Roman saw a Thomas in a black leather jacket, dark sunglasses and the tag 'sleep' stuck on his chest.

"I can see that," Roman looked back out at the chaos and felt tired just imagining how much effort it was going to take to organise the kingdom again.

"Are you going to fix this anytime soon?" Sleep added in annoyance. "You cannot have a Starbucks right next to a jumping castle. I mean, it is just tacky."

Roman was about to reply when a horse came racing through the square, covered in gold and red ribbons and Stitch riding happily on its back.

"WAIT FOR ME!"

Roman looked to where the horse had come from and saw the Prince character come puffing and panting into the square, and stop in front of him and Sleep.

"Prince Roman! Good to see you." The Prince beamed at the pair and Roman couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the eccentric Prince. "Love the new layout by the way. So much chaos. It's an endless adventure. Hazzah!"

Prince sprinted after the horse and Stitch, laughing joyously as he left.

Sleep looked sideways at Roman. "Seriously? I cannot deal. Fix this."

"Oh sure." Roman turned to the sarcastic voice that came from the now opened Tardis. "He was going to leave it like this, but he will definitely change it just for you, Sleep."

"Oh, shut it, Anxiety."

"Virgil?" Roman's voice broke as he said the name, staring at the black jacketed Thomas.

"What? No." Anxiety looked at Roman in confusion. "How could you ever mistake me for that freak? We are nothing alike."

"I-I-I... I've got to go" Roman sunk out, leaving the two Sanders Shorts characters to share a confused glance.

"That was weird. Even for him." Anxiety commented. "What do you think happened?"

Sleep shrugged, "I don't care as long as he fixes this mess."

Anxiety lent against the Tardis and watched Sleep walk away. Roman had never confused the Shorts characters with the Sides before; even others like him that didn't wear a label. It didn't sit well with the figment and it only confirmed the fear that many figments already had; the mindscape had lost a main side. Anxiety sunk back into the darkness of the Tardis, feeling it was probably best if he made himself disappear for a while.

.

.

.

Roman rose up in his room again and looked at his door to the common area. Sadness gripped his throat and he quickly turned away to walk up the staircase that led to a tower. As much as he wanted to see the others, Roman knew he wasn't ready to face them yet. He had failed to save them. He was meant to be the brave and heroic prince, but he couldn't save them. Reaching the top of the tower, Roman leant on the brick edge and looked out at the kingdom. The wind blew through his territory and rustled Roman’s hair, carrying the scent of coffee and fresh popcorn.

"I'm sorry, Virgil." Roman let his eyes wander across the view of the kingdom as he spoke to the wind. "I couldn't keep you safe. I let you down. I let everyone down...but I won't let these guys down."

Roman extended his hand out to the skyscraper to his left and gestured down; the building began to warp and fuse with the castle to make another tower. Pausing, Roman looked down at the main square as he saw Elliot talking to Lapis Lazuli. He had always kept the different realms separated and the portals locked; only allowing the fantasy characters to roam freely. As much as the kingdom seemed chaotic with all the free roaming, it was also nice to see the different crossovers. Roman thought for a moment before warping another building and adding a yellow star to the door. Picturing a portal behind the door that would lead to his Steven Universe realm, Roman smiled to himself as he left the portal unlocked before moving on to adjust the next building. As the kingdom retook shape, Roman felt himself slowly regaining his confidence; but his vision began to blur at the edges the longer he worked.

 

As Roman continued, a roar sounded behind him and he turned to see a blue dragon flying towards the tower. The dragon carefully grabbed the edge of the tower, folding its wings before crawling down to bow before Roman.

"Pleasure to see you are well my Prince." The dragon raised its head, so they were at eye level with Roman. "We feared that you had been lost to us."

"I am sorry to have worried you, Ledilit. I didn't think of alerting the guard when I regained consciousness."

The dragon recoiled slightly as Roman reached out to stroke the creature’s sapphire scales but allowed the prince to touch them as they registered the sadness in his eyes.

"Estelle has not returned. Were we right to assume she was lost to us?" Roman nodded and continued to stroke Ledilit's head. "I am sorry for your loss my prince."

"No," Roman stopped his movement and bowed to the confused dragon. "I am sorry for your loss. Estelle was a fine leader, your kin and I ..."

Ledilit used their head to push Roman back into a standing position and spoke sternly. "Do not lower yourself for me. Estelle valued her role and her friendship with you. She would not be impressed with you acting in such a way."

A small laugh escaped Roman's lips as he imagined Estelle's reaction. "Indeed, she wouldn't."

"As Estelle's second, I will assume the role as head guard dragon." Roman nodded in agreement and smiled at Ledelit. "Very well. What is your order for the guard?"

"Oh, of course." Roman snapped his fingers and a scroll appeared in his hands. "Can you please assess the impulses of the kingdom."

"What are we assessing?" Ledelit moved next to Roman to get a better view of the scroll, covered in names of key impulses, aspects and figments.

"After the mindscapes reset, we need to establish which aspects and impulses are still present and which are miss..."

Roman paused as he saw Rage on the list, and he heard the impulse screaming in his head again.

"Prince Roman?" Ledelit's voice was laced with concern as they nudged the prince slightly.

"Rage, Deceit and Virgil... They are your top priority." Roman looked at the dragon, a single tear escaped his eye despite his determined expression. "Any trace of them and you let me know. I need... I need to know if they are gone."

The look in Roman's eyes spoke volumes and Ledilit nodded, carefully taking the scroll in one of their claws. They still weren't sure what happened during the storm, but it was clear that Estelle wasn't the only casualty. As they took flight to inform the guard, Ledilit couldn't help but fear for the mindscape and the possible repercussions of losing a core side.

Roman watched Ledelit head towards the forest, wiping his eyes before deciding he couldn't put off seeing the others any longer. Composing himself as he walked down the stairs, Roman entered his room and looked at the door to the common area. Striding straight past his now blurred mirrors, Roman stood at the door with his hand resting on the handle; a mild tremor in his hand and the slightest throbbing at the front of his head. As much as he wanted to see the others, he couldn't bring himself to open the door.

"P-P-P-Patton. Rommman. Helllllp.

Logan's voice rang in Roman's ears and his hand instantly tightened around the handle and pulled the door open.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Four impulses stood in a void of darkness, unsure of where they were or what exactly had happened. Three stood in a tight circle, while the fourth roamed around the outside and inspected the space.

 

"Looks like we unfused."

"We don't have consciousness. That's terrible."

"Does that mean Thomas doesn't have access to our influence?"

"He's not in danger. We don't need to get back to the mindscape." 

"We can do that?"

"Absolutely. "

"I can't see any harm in trying. Selfishness? What do you think?"

 

Selfishness turned and raised his eyes to look at the snake-eyed Lying, black coated Deception, and armoured Self-Preservation. Lying and Deception were already holding hands; clearly, they were eager to try and get back together. Self-Preservation shuffled closer as Selfishness averted his gaze and folded his arms.

"Are you having second thoughts about fusing with us?" Self-Preservation asked, moving around and bending over sideways to be in Selfishness' line of sight again. "Do you regret fusing with us instead of Greed?"

"I only regret allowing us to remain outcasts." Selfishness admitted, raising his head so Self-Preservation could return to a normal position. "It feels like our existence was wasted and lost in the mindscape."

"Perhaps this is our opportunity for a second go at it. I mean, three of us were tainted by Survival last time." Selfishness didn't look convinced and Self Preservation sighed. "But…It's ok if you don't want to fuse. It is your decision in the end, but I still believe Thomas needs us; even if he doesn't fully understand our purpose."

 

Selfishness watched the others join hands and he felt their pull as the three commenced a fusion. Time seemed to slow as he considered his options; 1) fuse again with the others and likely return to the mindscape as Deceit, or 2) stay put and hope he could return to the mindscape on his own. Selfishness made his decision as the impulses burst into light and illuminated the darkness that had surrounded them.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Patton gasped and sat upright, shivering in the heavy rain that soaked the old playground. The water running down a slide had pooled around him to form a deep puddle and Patton stumbled slightly as he tried to stand; feet sinking in the soft ground. Once upright and stable, Patton cast his gaze up to the sky and let the rain coat his glasses and blurr his vision; closing his eyes as he felt the water cleanse him of dirt and darkness. The rain was a good thing in a way; falling from grey clouds of sadness and loss. Patton would have remained there for hours, soaking in his own sorrow, but he sensed a light to his left and had to open his eyes to investigate.

 

A little wooden cubby house was ablaze with white light and Patton held his breath as he walked closer. The light dissipated and Patton opened the door to find a room lit only by the yellow-green hue of glow in the dark star stickers on the surprisingly high ceiling. Summoning a light to the ceiling, Patton lit the room further to reveal an expanded space that was decorated with scraps of fabric and oversized recycled materials; reminiscent of a craft project Thomas had done as a child. Standing in the centre of the room was an impulse, appearing to be inspecting themselves in a tinfoil mirror.

“Dee?”

The impulse jumped slightly and turned to look at Patton, yellow face scales shining in the torch light and his face softened.

“I guess I can use that name.”

Patton lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Dee, locking him into a tight hug. Dee kept his arms at his side, unsure of what to do with them.

“I’m so glad you are ok.” Tears ran down Patton’s cheeks as he spoke. “I thought you had faded for sure.”

Finally, Dee moved his arms and returned Patton’s hug; letting his head drop and rest on the sides shoulder. The hug was warm and a comfort he hadn’t experienced before. He wished it would never end, because ending the hug would mean facing Patton and acknowledging the truth of what had happened. Eventually, Patton loosened his grip and, after a few more seconds, Dee did the same so he could look at Patton’s eyes.

“You look different.” Patton commented, tentatively reaching out to inspect Dee’s scales. “Your eyes are still different but your slit one is more brown than yellow now, and your scales look darker without the light on them.”

“Different is good right?” Dee turned to look at the foil mirror again, “It’s only a small change. I’m my own fusion now. Not a fraction of…Survival.”

Turning back, Dee was surprised to see Patton smiling despite tears still rimming his eyes.

“Looks to me like you have grown a lot from that lying impulse I use to know”

“Yeah. Now it’s my choice, not my curse.” Patton looked at Dee in concern and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Come on, Pat. Thomas isn’t a completely honest person.”

“I know. I don’t like it, but I know.”

“None of us like lying,” The ground was suddenly a very interesting thing for Dee to look at. “Lying to ourselves has short-term gains and long-term problems, and sometimes it protects others feelings or causes riffs in friendships. Regardless, I am still a part of Thomas and now I think I really will be able to find my place in the mindscape. Find my name and show….”

Patton remained still and quiet as he watched Dee speak. In the past he had always ignored Deceit and instantly labelled his lies as bad; therefore, labelling the impulse bad as well. Now a new impulse stood before him. Someone with the same role as Deceit, but a more adjusted and flexible mindset in the place of the deceitful manipulator. Dee was just as determined as Deceit to find his place and name but seemed more at peace with the fact that that journey could take time for him and Thomas.

“… show that there’s…” Dee looked up and locked eyes with Patton. “There is more to me than just a liar.”

“Well,” Patton wiped his eyes and smiled. “Just know that, even if we disagree sometimes, I’m rootin’ for ya… Kiddo.”

Dee chuckled and his slit eye seemed to sparkle mischievously. “I hate you so much right now.”

“I know.” Patton knelt to look out the cubby’s window and saw the rain had slowed to a light shower. “Do you want to help me check on the others?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

 

Conjuring a bowler hat to his head, Dee took a final glance in the mirror before turning back to Patton. The moral side had his hand already outstretched to take the impulse directly to his room and Dee couldn’t help but smile; thankful to be setting up a more positive and functional relationship with the core side.

“Patton!” Dee and Patton’s faces dropped as the voice of Roman echoed faintly through the cubby. “Come on, Logan needs you.”

Dee grabbed Patton’s hand and the side sunk them down to his room, where Patton pulled open his common room door and ran straight to Logan’s open room. Dee froze in the hallway, unable to move his eyes past the blank wall opposite Logan’s door.

**********************************************************************************

 

Roman didn't bother closing his door as he stepped through, and he didn't dare turn his head to look in the direction of Virgil's door, as he walked towards Logan's room. His hand froze before landing on the handle as he considered what lay beyond the door. Fist raised, Roman knocked loudly on the door and pleaded for a reply; but only silence greeted him.

"Logan!" Roman knocked again, though he wasn't liking his chances of a sarcastic reply. "Come on, Lo. Don't make me come in there."

Although he spoke in a joking manner, Roman was truthfully worried to enter the room. He had been in the room before, but those visits were only very brief; barely enough time for him to be influenced in any way. However, he had seen Logan turn into a skipping rapper after spending 5 minutes in his room, which proved all their rooms had the potential to influence them. He couldn't imagine what effects Logan's room would have on him; especially considering he was already worked up and slightly weaker after starting the kingdoms adjustments.

 

As the silence continued to stretch on, Roman swallowed his pride and tested the door handle. The door opened with ease and Roman peered in to investigate the neat office bedroom that he had seen over Logan's shoulder many times before.

"Logan? You in there?"

Roman lent into the room; his feet still not passing the entrance as he searched for any sign of the logical side.

"Ok Roman. Logan called for help and it is our duty to help him." Roman closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself, "Any side effects are only temporary. If you could do it for Virgil, you can do it for Logan. Let’s go!"

Roman charged into the room as if he was walking through a wall of fire, rather than simply entering a room.

"Logan! Where are you?"

Roman called out as he opened the door to the small bathroom and then a small library of large books that he had never seen before. After quickly clearing those rooms, that left only Logan's door to his territory, a solid metal door with a keycode lock. Roman attempted the door handle and wasn't surprised to find it locked shut.

"Hey Logan! Let me in!" Pressing his ear against the surprisingly warm door, Roman could hear the faint sound of machinery and felt the throbbing in his head slowly intensify. "What sort of person calls for help but locks the hero out?"

Roman began pressing the buttons on the keypad randomly, hoping to accidently find the magic combination to open the door. Frustration mounting, he slammed his fists against the metal and was met with a cry of pain from the other side.

"Logan? Logan?!" Roman moved his ear around the door, trying to find a point where he could hear better. "Come on, Buddy, talk to me."

"Rrr-mmmn."

Roman lay on the ground alongside the door, ear still pressed against the metal as sweat ran down his face and his clothes absorbed the salty residue.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me. Can you sink out, or at least open this door." Roman could hear Logan's strained groans, but nothing happened. "Ok. It's ok. Um... What should I do?"

Roman's heart raced and he swore the door was getting hotter as his mind started to race with possibilities of what was happening on the other side of the door.

"How do you think straight in this place!" Roman sat up and cupped his head in his hands. "There are just so many possibilities. Is this what you think like all day?"

As the ideas and possibilities continued to swirl in his mind, Roman became acutely aware of his pounding head and obscured vision.   

"Argh! Patton!" Roman squeezed his eyes shut tight as he tried to calm his mind and reduce the rooms influence, hoping the mindscape would carry his message to Patton. “Come on, Logan needs you.”

 

Unable to get any relief, Roman lay back on the ground and tried to focus on Logan.

"C-can you ... Give m-me the code?"

"nnni--eeenn...ennn..."

 .

.

.

"Roman!" Patton raced into the room and leaned over the creative side with a look of intense concern. "What's going on? You are soaked."

"So are you," Roman replied and Patton realised he was still in his wet clothes.

"It was raining. Where's Logan?"

"Stuck in there. We nnneed a code." Roman squeezed his eyes shut as a wave of pain washed over him and his eyes burned from the light in the room.

Patton’s eyes glowed blue as he assessed Roman for injuries and recognised familiar symptoms that he wouldn’t be able to avert on his own.

"Dee! Can you get Roman out of here?" Patton called out to the hallway before laying on the other side of Roman to press his own ear against the door. "Logan? It's Patton. Can you tell me the code?"

"nnni--eeenn...ennn...wn-ty...s-x...tnnn"

 

Dee managed to tear his eyes away from the wall to enter Logan's room at Patton's request. Noticing Roman on the ground, Dee walked over with purpose and pulled the sides arm over his shoulder to help raise him into a sitting position.

"Just so you know, this is going to hurt me more than you."

Roman didn't have time to respond before Dee teleported them straight from Logan's room to Roman's door. Roman gasped for air as his head swam from the movement and a sudden weight was lifted from his head, as his thoughts settled and blurred. Two hands steadied his shoulders as his body slid sideways against the wall.

"You good, Princey?

The world stabilised slowly, but Roman's heart ached as his mind misheard Virgil's voice calling him "Princey" rather than Dee's.

"Fine. I'm fine."

"That's an obvious lie, but I'll accept it." Dee looked over his shoulder to call back into Logan's room. "He's all good, Patton. How's Logan?"

 

Patton thought hard about what Logan had mumbled, recognising that there were missing sounds in the words Logan was trying to communicate. Standing, he stared at the keypad and did his best to imagine what Logan would enter every day. Suddenly everything fell into place.

"I've got it!"

"Got what?" Dee called out in confusion.

"Nineteen, ten, twenty, sixteen. The day Thomas uploaded the first Sanders Sides video."

Patton keyed in the numbers and the door allowed him to pull it open effortlessly, revealing Logan's lab. The machinery sounds overpowered Patton’s senses and a stifling wave of heat hit him as he stepped inside to reach Logan's passed out form.

 .

.

.

The hallway lights dimmed, and Dee glanced around in confusion and worry. He wasn’t sure what it meant but knew it couldn’t be good.

“Hey guys? Care to share what is happening? I can’t sense Thomas yet.”

“It’s a…” Roman tried to use the wall to stand but quickly slid back down to the floor with a groan and a thud.

“W-w-woah.” Dee knelt and grabbed Roman’s shoulders again as the side mumbled incoherently. “Come on, Roman. You’re alright. You’re alright. Patton! I lied and I need your help!”

No reply came and Dee was torn between helping Roman, going to check on Patton, or fleeing before he became affected by the invisible force. His breathing increased as he struggled to decide with the pressure of the moment, until he heard footsteps coming from Roman’s room.

“Who’s there?”

“Hey Pal...” The impulse came through the door and knelt before Dee and Roman. “Geeze, you guys look like crap.”

“Thank you, Rage. I was just wondering what your opinion was.” Dee smiled, glad to see his friend in one piece. “Now, are you here to sass or to help?”

“Help, obviously.” Rage ran his fingers through his crimson brown hair, revealing a ruby iris in his right eye. “What do you need?”

“Go into Logan’s room and help Patton. I’m gonna…” Dee ran through his options in his head again. “I’m going to get Roman into his room.”

“I’m on it.”

Rage stood and headed into Logan’s room while Dee pulled Roman’s arm over his shoulders and attempted to stand.

"Let's go, Roman, help me out here." Huffed Dee, as he struggled to manage Roman's weight. "Don't make me teleport again."

"lll right."

Roman's voice was barely a whisper as he did his best to help Dee, despite his now wavering consciousness. Eventually the two were able to slowly stumble into Roman's room and Dee deposited the side on his bed. As soon as he was sure that Roman was safe, to a degree, Dee headed back out to Logan's room.

.

.

.

The room was so loud that Patton couldn't hear anything other than the scraping and whirring of machinery. The heat had Patton's glasses fogging as he knelt to roll Logan onto his back and assess the logical side. Talking was pointless due to the noise and the heat made it impossible for Patton to focus his influence or sink out, no matter how hard he tried. Realising healing or sinking out wasn’t an option, Patton stood and moved behind Logan so he could lift him into an upright position and drag him out of the lab.

Once safely out of the lab, Patton let Logan rest on the floor as he went to close the door and seal out the noise and heat. Patton was so focused on the task at hand, that he didn't sense Rage's presence until he turned back around and saw the impulse kneeling over Logan.

"Rage?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me." Rage remained focused on Logan, swiping his sweat soaked hair away from the sides face. "What is going on here?"

Patton rocked backwards slightly, but thankfully he was still close enough to the lab door that he didn't fall.

"It isn't something that you need to worry about."

Rage looked up and knitted his eyebrows together, fixing Patton with a firm stare as the moral side swayed again.

"Don't bullshit me, Pat. Logan and Roman are both out for the count, you can barely stand, and Logan's territory has turned into an oven. Spill!"

"I'll be fine once I'm out of here." Patton got Logan upright and pulled his arm over his shoulder; Rage instantly mimicked Patton's move on the other side so they could work together to lift Logan. "It's just a migraine headache."

"Bullsh...."

"He's telling the truth, Rage."

Dee entered the room as Rage and Patton reached Logan's bed and Rage set to making Logan comfortable. Dee stepped forward to support Patton as the side swayed again; leading the side out of the room and straight into Patton's own room.

"Thanks Dee." Patton sat on the edge of his bed and rested his face in his hands as his mind started to clear. "Logan's room can be a bit intense when he isn't feeling well."  
"That is a normal thing?" Rage questioned from the doorway. He hadn't had much to do with Patton in the past and wasn't sure of the influence of his room.

Patton sighed, "I'm not normally around that late into the situation. Generally, Logan has his room under control before the pain sets in."

"And Roman?" Asked Dee.

"Logan use to give Roman and Vir..." Patton swallowed and looked over at the questioning impulse. "He would let them know what was happening so they could prepare. Headaches make it hard to remain focused and think clearly, so the others have always been affected more than me. I will admit that...that was not normal."

"It's an after effect of ... Those two jumping, isn't it?" Rage offered. "Thomas is still in pain."

 Patton nodded and looked up to a large photo frame that sat on one of his shelves. The original image faded and was replaced with the view of Terrence and Joan helping Thomas onto his bed. Patton lowered himself back onto his own bed, recognising that Thomas had taken pain relief and was beginning to relax with the presence of friends.

"He will be ok, Kiddos." Eye lids heavy, Patton adjusted his position as he spoke. "The pain killers will help cool down Logan’s territory; Terrence and Joan will watch over Thomas; and Roman and I just need rest. I promise, it will all be ok."

Patton's breathing steadied as he fell asleep and Dee sighed, "Liar."

 

 

Rage and Dee slowly made their way out to the hallway, and Rage walked over to sit and lean against the vacant wall. Dee watched as Rage sat and closed his eyes, still unable to fully process his feelings.

"You gonna sit with me, Deceit, or stare at me?"

"It's Dee." Rage opened his eyes at looked at his friend apologetically. "Just until I find a better name."

"I guess a lot has changed then, huh?" Rage closed his eyes again and Dee settled down next to him. "Guess that’s what happens when you get ripped apart and have to pull yourself back together again."

"True."

  
Rage opened his eyes and glanced over at Dee, who was fidgeting with his gloves like his childhood self. His mind flickered back to a faint memory of Survival and Virgil talking and identifying that Deceit had been a part of them.

"I guess it's harder for you. You haven't really been ... You, all this time."

Dee nodded.

"I think it's ok for you to feel a little lost right now." Dee stopped fidgeting but didn't look at Rage. "The whole mindscape his just as lost. A core side literally disappeared over the edge of the mindscape. I'd be worried if we didn't feel a little lost."

"Do you think they are really gone?" Now Dee turned to look at Rage. "Or will they come back like we did?"

"Guilt is looking into it."

"Wait!" Dee's eyes went wide. "Guilt is back?"

"Yeah. Woke up in the forest with him."  
"Where is he?"

"I left him to go search for the Oasis while I headed towards the kingdom. Got picked up by one of Roman's dragons and brought here to find you guys."

Dee went to stand but Rage grabbed his arm. "What are you doing? We need to help Guilt."

"Nah," Rage shook his head and smiled, "Roman's got it covered. His dragons are searching the open territories for any sign of Virgil, Depression, Hood or whoever. We need to be here for these idiots and Thomas. We started this..." Dee opened his mouth to argue but quickly closed it as he sensed it was the truth. "... So, let’s make sure this is finished."

 

Dee settled comfortably next to Rage and looked between the three open room doors. Each room held a sleeping side. One side had their territory in turmoil due to a migraine headache; another unable to focus and function; and the final one was dealing with the sense of loss and general exhaustion. Rage and Dee sat guard, silently hoping a fourth door would miraculously appear and provide them with some sense of relief. As the minutes turned into hours, it became apparent that that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Dee looked down to where Rage had curled up to sleep and realised how thankful he was to still have Rage at his side. He only wished he could have had Anxiety and Hood there as well. Given recent revelations, he had a lot he wanted to make up for.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Terrence stayed with Thomas as he slept, not wanting to leave just in case he woke up in a daze again. Joan floated in and out of the room to respond to and make phone calls. They made sure Thomas' parents were aware of what had happened, and they assured Joan that they were making the right call and would call the next day to check on things. Eventually, Joan switched their phone to ‘do not disturb’ and carefully joined Terrence and Thomas on the bed.

"All good?" whispered Terrence.

"Yeah. For now."

Thomas stirred slightly at the discussion, rolling over calmly and without any sign of pain on his face. Terrence smiled at Joan as the two felt the weight of their worries lift slightly and eventually, they too fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the chapter that just kept on growing. I felt my initial skeleton plan glossed over way too much, but I hope I didn’t go too far to the other end of the scale and overload it with too much information. Thanks for reading :-) 
> 
>  
> 
> Off topic note: The Selfishness v. Selflessness video was so good. I love getting more clues on Deceit and seeing his character develop. It is clear he has a message to pass on to Thomas but is still working on being able to deliver that message/lesson. It makes me wonder what else is at play and stopping him from actually talking. Why all the riddles, Deceit? Even Virgil is showing a more hidden past. We knew it was there, but it is now so obvious that he is still holding his cards close to his chest. Given this fic already predicted a fedora phase, and now a (*minor future chapter spoiler*) Twitch Charity stream, could any of the other characters become canon???? I kind of hope not...but only because that would just be way too freaky.


	19. Bricks and Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a new day and now Thomas must deal with the guilt of making his friends fret over his health and safety. Patton steps into his caretaker role to help Logan recover from the migraine, and they all have to adjust to the changes in the mindscape.

When Thomas woke up, the first thing he noticed was just how dry his mouth was, followed by a gnawing hunger in his gut. Unfortunately, those basic survival instincts were quickly overpowered by embarrassment and guilt as Thomas recalled where he was and what had happened. Cupping his face in his hands he wished he could really sink out into his mindscape and avoid facing the real-life consequences of yesterday’s events.

“How you feeling, sleepy head?” Terrence asked, immediately sensing Thomas’ self-consciousness.

“I’m fine,” peeking through his fingers, Thomas felt ashamed looking at Terrence’s worried face. “I’m so sor… “

“If you start apologising, I am going to beat you with a pillow,” Joan was sitting up and looking down at Thomas and Terrence. “And that pillow will be filled with bricks and friendship.”

“That’s a little harsh,” Terrence added, “but absolutely justified.”

Thomas moved to sit up, his movements careful and slow as his head felt like it was full of cotton. Terrence reached for a cup of water on the side table and passed it to Thomas; he sipped it gratefully and passed it back before speaking again.

“Ok, I won’t say sor-,“ Joan reached for a pillow and gave Thomas a stern look,” rrr-at word… I am grateful for your help, but I regret making you worry ab-”

The pillow hit Thomas with barely any force and Joan slid off the bed.

“You asked for that. Now, I’m going to make you breakfast and you can’t stop me.”

 Joan left the room with a cartoonish evil laugh and Thomas couldn’t help but chuckle at the actions of his friend.

“Here.” Terrence smiled and held out some Advil and the cup again. “Take this and wash up. It should help clear your head a bit more.”

Thomas nodded and accepted Terrence’s offering before getting up to select some fresh clothes. Terrence waited until he heard Thomas step into the shower before heading downstairs to check on Joan.

 

Thanks to his travelling, Thomas’ kitchen didn’t have an abundance of ingredients, but Joan was able to prepare a basic omelette for the others. As Terrence reached the kitchen, Joan thrust an already finished plate into his hands.

“I’m sure you’re hungry too, especially after all that travelling yesterday.”

“Yeah, thanks for this…and thanks for yesterday.” Terrence moved to the dining table and Joan followed behind, checking their phone for the status on their own food that they had ordered.

“Don’t mention it. It’s nothing really.”

 

The two friends chatted, and Terrence picked at his food until the shower stopped and Joan returned to the kitchen to start an omelette for Thomas. As Thomas carefully descended the stairs with messy damp hair, he was met with the comforting smiles of his friends and the smell of food that made him salivate instantly.

“Oh my goodness gracious, that smells amazing.”

“Don’t just smell it,” Joan smiled, “get over here and eat it.”

“You are bossy in the morning,” commented Terrence.

“He’s used to it. It’s one of my defining features.”

Laughing, Thomas joined his friends at the table to eat; slowly feeling the combination of Advil, food and water clearing his head.

 

************************************************************

 

The smell of herbs and eggs woke Rage up and he pushed off a random blanket as he sat up. Dee was slowly sitting up opposite him and the two impulses looked at each other in confusion. Logan and Roman’s doors were now shut, but Patton’s was still open. The moral side walked around the corner from the kitchen with two steaming plates and smiled down the hall.

“Well good morning, kiddos.” He set the plates onto the table and turned back to the kitchen, calling out to the sleepy impulses. “Breakfast is there for you. I’ve just gotta help out Logan and then I’ll join you.”

Rage and Dee stood and exchanged a confused glance before heading to the table.

“Why did you make all this?” Rage asked, “it’s not like we need food or anything.”

“Well, no.” Patton acknowledged, walking past with another plate. “But it is an egg-cellent way to raise one’s spirits.”

 

Patton quietly knocked on Logan’s door before entering the room and softly closed the door behind him; leaving Dee and Rage alone in the hall. The lights were dimmed, and Logan lay on his back, glasses on the side table, gently massaging his temples.

“Thomas is consuming water and eating now, and the effects of the second dose of Advil have begun to set in”

Patton smiled at how well Logan could handle the situation despite his discomfort.

“Well, if Thomas is eating, then you should too.” Patton sat down next to Logan; resting the plate on his own lap.

“We go through this every time, Patton, I do not require this pampering to remove the headache.”

“And every time I tell you to be quiet and eat your pancakes.”

Logan groaned and sat up, “but this is not pancakes.”

Patton smiled and handed Logan his glasses, “they’re pan-eggs.”

Logan frowned as Patton moved the plate onto his lap. The moral side had used parsley leaves to make a smiling face on top of his omelette and placed a few different sauces in containers to the side.

“Aww, don’t be sad Logan.” Patton stood and looked down at the logical side. “If you eat this, I promise to make you some cookies later.”

“No thank you. Biscuits are incredibly unhealthy and would be of no benefit to me.”

“That’s a shame.” Patton smiled as he headed for the door. “I was going to make my special biscuits; the ones with a drop of Crofters in the middle.”

Patton had just opened the door when Logan replied, “maybe some form of pampering is necessary.”

“Whatever you say, Logan.”

 

Patton exited the room and headed back to the kitchen, already conjuring ingredients to the cupboards so he could bake. Dee and Rage were still at the table eating as Patton walked by.

"That was fucking amazing, Patton," Rage exclaimed as he finished his final bite.

"Language, Rage." Patton replied, "There is no need for that kind of profanity."

"Yeah, Rage," Dee smirked, "mind your manners."

The two impulses laughed as they stood to take their plates into the kitchen sink.

"Seeing as you have the gloves for it, you should do the dishes, Dee." Rage looked over to where Patton was combining ingredients in a bowl. "You guys do dishes, right?"

Dee playfully punched Rage on the shoulder, "These gloves are for aesthetic appeal only."

Patton laughed, "It's all good Kiddos." The plates in their hands vanished, as did Patton's bowl as he lifted the cookie dough out to place on the floured bench. "Your Pops just pops everything away."

"Sweet. Conjuring is so cool." Rage tried to conjure the plate back to his hands, but the mindscape would not comply.   "but it’s not in my repertoire of skills."

"And freely fusing with others is such a terrible skill to have," laughed Dee; making sure Rage saw his eye gleam yellow.

"Get a room you two." came a voice from the hall.

 

Patton didn't raise his head from his task as Guilt rounded the corner, and Dee and Rage moved to greet him.

"Looking good in the new threads, Guilt."

Rage embraced his friend, recalling the tattered mess of clothes he had last seen Guilt in. Now he wore a long-sleeved t-shirt in two tones of grey, and loose black sweat pants.

"Thought this was a better look than tattered rags," Guilt moved on to hug Dee briefly, before stepping back and admiring the two impulses.

"Where have you been?" Dee asked, "What happened?"

Guilt dropped his head and lowered himself to sit on one of the chairs; Patton let out a whimper as he closed the oven door.

"Patton?" Dee looked at Patton's tear rimmed eyes and made the connection that Guilt was obviously using his influence. "Do you have to influence him right now?"  
"Yes," hiccupped Patton. "Thomas needs him. We need him too."

 

Rage grabbed Dee's hand and pulled him over to sit at the table. Though hair covered Guilt's eyes, Rage could sense that they were sparkling as he influenced Thomas and the mindscape.

"You guys already know part of my story." Guilt's voice was low and consistent; careful to not break or crack with emotion.

"I guess," Rage sighed. "We lost you during the sealing of Depression and then you came back after... After the mindscape reset. I left you to go ahead and find the Oasis."

"Lost me." Guilt laughed, "That's a nice way of putting it. Anxiety pulled me in after you guys were pierced by Depression's shadow. I remember feeling my body being torn apart and falling into darkness until I wasn't me anymore."

"That's what fading is like?" Dee whispered to himself; wracking his brain for the memory of a similar sensation that he had obviously blocked out.

"I know I was still present to some degree. It was like being in 100 different places at once... And then I was just back. I woke up with Rage in the forest and all I could think of doing was finding the Oasis."

"You definitely weren't the most chatty and comforting dude to wake up next to." Rage commented, recalling how forceful Guilt had been about searching the mindscape while Rage headed back to the common area.

"Sorry about that, but I had to find it... I just really needed to find it."

"and you found it, right?" Dee pressed, already sensing that the answer wasn't good, but asking anyway.

"The only thing I found was a long and messy path to Patton's territory." Guilt looked up with faded grey tears falling from his eyes. "The caves are gone. The mountain is sealed. They're not coming back."

 

Patton allowed himself to slide to the floor as his body shook with emotion again. Hearing Guilt's words a second time was no less jarring as when they first spoke in his room earlier. Rage clenched his fists so tight that his nails dug into his skin and his heart rate began to increase.

"No. That isn't true." Dee stood and looked down at Guilt with his eye shining yellow; tears rolling down scaled and unscaled cheeks. "They are coming back. The dragons will find them any minute now."

Guilt shook his head, "You know that isn’t true."

"This isn't fucking fair!" A chair fell to the ground with a thud as Rage suddenly rose, slamming his hands on the table. "Why are we more important than them?"

"I don't know."  
"You don't know! What do you mean you don't know?" Guilt trembled as Rage continued to increase the force and volume of his voice. "You were faded for years and came back! Why do we get a second chance and..."

Firm arms wrapped around Rage's torso and he froze as he felt the moral side hold him in place; head resting against his back. Hot tears spilled from his eyes as his anger dissipated into sadness.

"Does Roman know?" Rage felt Patton nod.

"I just came back from the kingdom." Guilt wiped his eyes on his sleeve; smudging his cheeks with a grey colour. "The dragons confirmed my story."

"What about Logan?" Dee questioned, glancing down the hall to the logical side’s door.

"Not yet," Patton's voice was barely a whisper, but the others still heard. "He needs to heal first."

 

It felt wrong to keep Logan in the dark, but Rage understood the reasoning. It was the same reason why Patton hadn't told them the moment they regained consciousness; they needed just a moment of peace before being dealt a crushing blow. Patton relaxed his hold on Rage and the impulse used the opportunity to take his leave.

"I need to check on Roman."

Rage disappeared from between Patton's arms, so the side folded his arms tightly across his chest and closed his eyes. Dee moved to pull Patton into a hug; knowing the side needed comforting just as much as the rest of them.

"It will be ok."

It was a lie in that moment, but they all knew it would be the truth one day. For now, they remained in the silence of grief and guilt. Grieving their loss and feeling guilty for all past mistakes; wishing they could go back and change things so they could have a happier ending than this.

 

 

************************************************************

 

Roman sat on the cliff edge and looked out at the blue sky. He had sent the reporting guard dragons away and Guilt had already disappeared. A mixture of anger and sadness swirled in his gut and Roman was thankful to be alone as silent tears streamed down his face. The silence stretched on even after Rage appeared and took a silent seat next to the creative side. No words were needed; the accepting silence was enough until the sun had set, and their eyes were dry. Then they felt ready to return to the others.

 

************************************************************

 

Hanging up his phone, Thomas threw himself down onto the couch and loudly sighed. His ear was hot from having his phone pressed to it for so long, and guilt was still sitting uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach.

"Feeling better?" Terrence asked, looking up from a book he was reading.

"I feel tired and guilty for worrying everyone."

"Well, next time you will tell someone if you are having a tough time and not wait for us to find you in a bathroom."

"Noted."

Thomas turned onto his back and closed his eyes. There was still a dull ache in his head, but it only matched the ache in his heart. He had spent much of the day talking to people on the phone; taking small naps between calls. Joan had left hours ago at Thomas' request, while Terrence stayed to keep an eye on him; despite Thomas' insistence that he was fine. He was truly thankful for his family and friends, but he found himself counting down the hours until he would be alone. Solitude was the only way he could properly contact his sides; though he felt certain that the news wasn't going to be the slightest bit happy. Until then, he was content with sleeping and watching TV with Terrence.

 

************************************************************

 

Logan walked through his lab with his last biscuit hanging from his mouth. Patton had been as happy as always when he delivered the full plate and Logan felt he did well to conceal the joy he felt upon smelling the treat. Since then he had slept further and woke feeling a lot better. The lab appeared to be back in working order; the hum and heat back at a more acceptable level.

Turning down another aisle, Logan took note of a computer screen commenting that Thomas was in the REM stage of sleep. Another screen flickered and then presented the image of Thomas comfortably tucked in his bed.

 

A knock on his door had Logan sinking out to his room and adjusting his hair and tie before pulling the door open. Patton stood in the doorway; though his face was smiling, his eyes were pained. Logan looked past Patton's head to see Roman, Rage, Dee and Guilt standing in the hallway.

"How are you feeling, Logan?" Patton beamed, but it still didn't reach his eyes.

"The lab is back to a functioning standard and Thomas is sleeping comfortably without the support of pain relievers. This considered, I feel I am back to an appropriate level of functionality."

Roman snorted in the background, but quickly returned to a sombre expression.

"I'm glad to hear it." Patton continued, oblivious to Roman's reaction. "Did you enjoy the biscuits."

Logan glanced at the wall behind the collection of impulses and Roman. The blank wall that once housed Virgil's door. Breathing in deeply, Logan slowly blew the air out as he prepared to speak.

"The small talk is unnecessary, Patton. I know what has transpired." The pain in Patton's eyes was now reflected on his face as Logan spoke. "Considering everyone's presence here, it isn't hard to conclude that Virgil did not return. Am I correct in assuming the mindscape has already been searched?"

The others all silently nodded, and Logan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and composed himself.

"Well, if that is the case, then I shall set up my computer systems to complete a final scan of the mindscape. Are you all happy for me to complete this exercise?"

Logan looked among the others faces as they each nodded in silence. Only Patton didn't give some form of indication on his feelings.

"Very well then, I should like to return to my lab for now. Shall we arrange a meet up for tomorrow? Midday perhaps?"

"Logan, it's ok to be sad." Patton put a comforting hand on Logan's shoulder as he spoke. "You are allowed to feel something you know."

"I am well aware of my capacity to feel, Patton." Logan confirmed, "I just manage it in a different way to you. Can I go now?"

The others nodded and Patton gave Logan's shoulder a reassuring squeeze before dropping his hand and stepping away from the closing door.

 

"I thought he might have done a bit more than that?" Rage commented after the door was closed.

"He showed as much emotion as he allows himself to show," whispered Dee.

"Should one of you go in there and comfort him?" Guilt looked at the core sides in confusion as they headed towards their own doors.

"He needs to be alone now." Patton turned around and gave the impulse a tired smile. "Logan is stubborn."

"Yeah he is," commented Roman with a hint of humour in his tone.

"We can't force him to share his feelings." continued Patton; ignoring Roman's comment. "Pressuring him will only make him lock us out more. He will come to us when he is ready. We should rest for now."

The impulses watched as Patton and Roman disappeared into their rooms and the common area lights dimmed. The three grasped each other’s hands and disappeared into the mindscape; leaving the common area in silence.

 

On the other side of his door, Logan placed his back against the wood and slowly slid down to the floor; tears spilled from his eyes as he cried for his lost friend. He felt the pressure of Virgil's job resting on his shoulders now. The only other side that shared his affinity for logical thought was gone and he was alone.

 

************************************************************

 

The wind ruffled Thomas’ hair as he watched Terrence’s car pull away from his place, and a single tear slipped from his eye. The past few days may have started off rocky, but Terrence’s visit ended with plenty of laughs, Krispy Kreme donuts and the base recording for a new short video. Closing his door, Thomas softly lent his head against the wood and listened to the clink of the lock engaging firmly in place. Thomas remained still as he felt the familiar sensation of his sides entering the room.

 

The three core sides quickly exchanged a glance and shared the smallest of smiles. They hadn’t crossed paths since confirming Virgil’s fading with Logan; all needing time in their own solitude to process. Patton walked down the hall and placed his hand on Thomas’ shoulder.

“It’s ok to cry, kiddo. We already have.”

So he cried. Thomas let his body shake with emotion as he processed his loss, guilt and confusion; sliding down to sit on the floor with Patton sheltering him in his arms. Virgil was gone. His anxiety was no longer a personification that he could call upon and work with. He had caused so much fear and worry among his family and friends because he was too selfless to admit that he hadn’t coped with his solo adventure. Perhaps if he had had some support around him, he would have been stronger. His sides would have been stronger. They could have helped Virgil and Depression better and…

“Stop that.”

Thomas froze and Roman and Patton looked at Logan in confusion.

“We aren’t all emotionless zombies like you.” Roman grumbled, gesturing towards Thomas. “Let the dude cry already.” 

“I wasn’t. I wasn’t talking about that.” Logan fidgeted with his glasses in annoyance. “I was referring to Thomas blaming himself for everything. I understand that Guilt has the most influence at the moment but allowing him full control is not good for Thomas’ mental health at all.”

“Oh,” now Roman felt guilty for acting so rudely towards Logan.

“Yes, we are all sad and we all have regrets, but we can’t let that control our every action. Morn the past, but don’t dwell on it. We still have a future to focus on.”

“You’re right, Logan, “ sniffed Thomas, “but how can I without Vir-“

“You still have us.” Logan knelt to be at eye level with Thomas. “You still have all those thoughts and feelings that Virgil embodied.”

“But I thought fading meant I…”

“We were miss informed. Guilt faded, to a degree, but we have all felt guilt to some extent over the years. Fading doesn’t mean you lose that sense or impulse, you just…experience it in a different way. Do you understand?”

Patton and Roman looked confused, but Thomas nodded.

 

Satisfied, Logan stood back up and smoothed out his shirt and tie. Thomas wiped his eyes and rose as well; feeling the ball of guilt shrink slightly in his stomach.

“Ok,” Patton rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. “What happens now? Where do we go from here? There isn’t really a map for this kind of stuff.”

Logan conjured a calendar to his hands and Roman pulled out his ideas journal.

“We have the next Sanders Sides video to finish preparing so that shooting can begin.” Logan ran his fingers over the various plans for the months ahead. “We also have content to finalise for the second channel.”

“Not to mention there are countless video ideas that we still need to go over with the others.” Roman added, closing his notebook.

“Oh, and there is still stuff to do with the team regarding the office. I mean our office, not THE office.”

Nodding, Thomas moved over to the dining table and picked up his phone just as the screen lit up with a message from Camden.

“I guess looking over Camden’s edits is a good place to start.”

“Excellent choice. Very productive.” Logan sunk out.

“Ooo, I can’t wait to see what Camden has done to the footage.” Patton clapped excitedly as he too sunk out, leaving Roman and Thomas alone.

 

With the others gone, Roman did his best to look confident as he took in the new look of concern that took over Thomas’ face. Sitting on a dining room chair, Thomas looked up at Roman with a sombre expression.

“Are we really going to be able to continue the Sanders Sides videos without Virgil? I just don’t know if I can write and…act as him, without him…being here anymore.”

Roman sighed. It was a question he had already asked himself and considered the options for.

“Well, it will be tough, that much is certain. But…” Roman took a deep breath in to steady his voice before continuing. “I think it is the best thing that we could do. Would Virgil really want us to stop?”

“No, he wouldn’t.” Thomas looked down and started fidgeting with a loose thread at the base of his shirt. “The fans would be devastated if we just stopped and that would definitely cause Virgil to panic.”

“So, the show will go on, as will we.” Thomas looked back up at Roman. “You’ve got this. We’re all in this together, and it shows when we…” Roman sunk out singing to himself, leaving Thomas smiling at the table alone.

 

The silence was very cathartic in a way. With Logan and Roman’s words still at the front of his mind, Thomas moved to grab one of his notebooks and made some notes for future videos dealing with loss, depression, rage, guilt and adjusting Deceit’s story ark. Satisfied with his notes, Thomas picked up his phone to call Camden, ready to start moving forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this wasn’t where I originally planned on ending the chapter, but the final chapter just looked like it was going to be way too small. I literally argued over whether to split this chapter into two so it wasn’t so long compared to the final (but that would have ended the fic on an odd number) or adding filler to the final chapter to make it longer (which annoyed me to no end). I settled on just moving things around a bit and I think it still works. Final chapter won’t be far away. Thank you so much for reading and I hope the ending is satisfying.


	20. Who I am now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hero is someone who others admire for their courage, achievements and qualities. Anyone can potentially be a hero to someone because we are all capable of showing the qualities of a hero in different ways. Many looked to Thomas as a hero, and he looked at them in the same light. All of Thomas’ sides were heroic, in their own right, even if they didn’t always see it in themselves. After loosing Virgil, they each moved on in their own way; striving to be the best they could be to make their lost hero proud.

As the days went by, the mindscape settled, and the sides were able to confirm that Guilt was the only impulse to return during the reset. The dragon guard continued their search of the mindscape for impulses and aspects, with Ledelit visiting Roman nightly to give an updated report. Despite two consecutive days free of any changes, Roman didn’t adjust his directive and Ledelit was not about to defy the prince’s orders. Patton forged an appropriate path that ran from his territory, past Virgil’s old mountain, and ended in the imagination kingdom. He even adjusted the cubby houses in his territory to act as hangout spaces for roaming impulses; which Dee, Rage and Guilt were thankful for. The mindscape was becoming much less segmented, though one side kept their territory well concealed.

 

Logan had ignored Roman and Patton’s excited discussion about how they were going to connect their territories to make the roaming impulses feel more comfortable. As much as Logan appreciated what the others were trying to do, he valued the comfort and security of his secluded hideaway. His lab was his own and the idea of opening it up to others made Logan feel extremely uncomfortable. To save himself an explanation, Logan dismissed himself whenever the conversation inevitably went to the structure of the mindscape. Eventually though, he was caught during one of his casual exits from Roman’s kingdom.

 

“Very clever, Logan.” Guilt stood at the entry to the castle and followed Logan as he continued his journey to Roman’s room. “Avoiding the conversation to avoid lying. Keeps Dee in the dark, but you can’t hide from me.”

“I am not attempting to hide from you, Guilt.”

“Then what’s the hurry?”

“There is no hurry. I am simply eager to return to my lab and go over some facts for a video.” Logan paused as he reached the door to Roman’s room. “Why are you following me?”

“Because you feel guilty.” He lent casually against the wall next to the door. “The question is, are you going to continue to let your guilt grow and strengthen, or lessen it by talking to someone?”

 

Logan looked away and Guilt knew he was on the right path. It had been clear to him that Logan was hiding something, and he was glad he took the plunge in approaching the logical side as he opened the door and gestured for Guilt to enter. The two remained silent as Logan led Guilt through Roman’s common area door, into his own room and paused at the door to his lab.

“I have a confession to make…. but you must promise not to tell the others.”

Guilt nodded and Logan unlocked the door and walked into the lab. A chill ran up Guilts spine as he entered the room and practically jogged to catch up to Logan after shutting the door.

“What’s the rush, Logan?”

No reply came, so Guilt continued to follow in silence until they reached a wooden door, tucked away behind a shelf at the back of the lab. The rough wood did not match the cleanliness of the rest of the lab and Guilt’s eyes widened when the door opened to reveal a dark rocky tunnel.

“Does this go where I think it does?” Guilt whispered, following Logan into the tunnel as the side conjured a powerful torch to his hand. “When did you find this?”

“After the migraine finally past.” Logan kept his tone level and his focus straight ahead. “I was cleaning up when I found the door.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone because?”

“Because I didn’t want to get their hopes up.”

 

The torch light found the edge of the cave and illuminated the blackened remains of a forest. The torch served as the only source of light, and Guilt looked around in shock as he took in what little he could see. Their footsteps were muffled by soft soil that was neither dry nor wet and not a single piece of foliage was left on the skeletal trees.

“Why isn’t there any light?”

“From my inspections, the top of the mountain is actually sealed. The formally named Oasis, is no longer able to live up to its name.”

Reaching the clearing, Logan cast his torchlight across the dried-up stream. Guilt grabbed Logan’s hand to aim the torch towards where Virgil’s room portal used to be located. The rocky surface was blank and smooth. Kneeling, Guilt pressed his hands against the ground and closed his eyes, trying to get a sense of the area or at least make a connection like he used to.

“This place is completely separated from the mindscape.” Guilt looked up towards Logan, but Logan kept his eyes trained on the rock wall. “It isn’t even neutral space. I doubt I could even sink out from a place like this.”

“You can’t. I’ve tried.” Logan took a deep breath in and slowly let it out before speaking again. “Do you think the others need to know? Will learning the location of my underground lab, and its connection to Virgil’s mountain, make any difference?”

Guilt looked around, straining his eyes into the darkness. He imagined bringing the others there and giving them yet another visual reminder that Virgil was gone. Standing, Guilt brushed his hands off against his pants and made eye contact with Logan.

“They don’t need to see this. You were right to keep this to yourself.”

“Thank you.” Logan felt the weight of his guilt lift with the affirmation that he had made the right choice. “I needed to hear that.”

The two aspects headed back towards Logan’s lab, eager to regain their sense of connection with the mindscape again. Once back in the lab, Logan shut the door and set the torch down on the nearby shelf.

“Logan?” Pausing, Logan turned to face Guilt. “Would you mind if I visited the Oasis on occasion?”

Although unsure of his reasoning, Logan nodded and continued down the aisle with Guilt only a few steps behind.

 

After their discussion, Guilt made a daily habit of visiting the Oasis. With Logan’s permission, he would teleport to the door in the lab to collect the torch before heading through the tunnel and making his way back to the dry creek bed. Sitting in the darkness satisfied the invisible itch that had plagued him since his return, though he still didn’t understand why.

 

************************************************************

 

It had been a whole two weeks since the incident. Two weeks since they had watched Hood and Jacket jump over the cliff edge. Two weeks of recovery. 14 days of reshaping the mindscape. 336 hours to accept their new reality.

Laptop balancing on his knees, Thomas sat on his lounge reviewing costume images for the next video and felt thankful that they were taking the time to make the costumes properly. It had been frustrating to delay the video, but now he was very thankful.

Logan sat at the other end of the couch reading a psychology textbook and reflecting on the revised script that Thomas had read out earlier. Frustration built in Logan’s throat and he finally had to speak.

“Do you really have to dress me as Frankenstein’s monster?”

Thomas sighed loudly, “for the third time, yes, Logan.”

“I am happy to pass up the Roman insult if it means you portray me as Dr. Frankenstein.”

“Oh, let it go, Dr. Dribble.” Roman rose up in his usual spot, his arms folded as he faced off with Logan. “It works for the story and I’m giving you a free pass to insult me. Just take the hand you’ve been dealt and move on.”

Logan rolled his eyes; lighting a fire in Roman and the creative side opened his mouth to argue just as Patton rose up.

“Hey, Hey, hey. It’s meeeeeee, Patton!”

The other three stared at Patton in confusion as the side giggled to himself.

“Wha-what was that about, Patton?” Thomas questioned, very confused by the sudden and loud entry.

“I dunno. I wanted to make an entrance.”

“Mission weirdly accomplished.” Roman laughed, forgetting his prepared argument for Logan.

“Okay then,” Thomas turned back to his computer and continued scrolling. “So, how are the other impulses going? Are they all settled into the new mindscape?”

“That would be a big old Y-E-S!” Beamed Patton, “They are loving Roman’s new…”

 

Déjà vu is a funny thing. As Thomas opened a new email and his eyes took in the sentence "Please, join us for a live charity stream on Twitch," the sensation hit him hard. Déjà vu. Roman and Patton were filled with excitement. Déjà vu. Logan recognised the benefits of participating in such an event. Déjà vu. Thomas felt his heart rate increase and his hands took on a mild shake as his mind started producing a list of possible scenarios as long as a CVS receipt. Logan froze as he registered what Thomas was feeling; rising to his feet, his book hit the floor with a surprisingly loud thud that stopped Roman and Patton in their tracks.

************************************************************

_Can we do it right this time?_

_We shouldn't be afraid of who we are. We aren't here to hurt; we are here to help._

_But what if we do hurt Thomas?_

_We won't._

_But we did before._

_Yeah, that was how this whole thing started._

_And did you sense the size of that migraine we triggered? What if we do that again._

_I don't want to hurt Thomas again._

 

_We only hurt Thomas because we tried to deny who we are. We let one single incident define our whole existence. Thomas was young. The mindscape was still developing. Since then, Thomas accepted Anxiety. He learnt how to deal with it, and he has been dealing with those negative and depressive thoughts for years. He is more than capable of dealing with us. We are capable of being more than just darkness. The big question is, are you all ready to believe in your capabilities?_

 

************************************************************

 

Guilt lay on his back in the clearing of the Oasis, feeling satisfied in the rich darkness. The torch was off and laying by his side, but he wasn't interested in looking around. With the light out he swore he could hear voices whispering into the air; though he never dared to mention it to Logan. Every day he came the voices seemed to get clearer.

 

_Are you in?_

 

Guilt smiled as an electrical tingling ran up his spine and he felt no fear as the ground beneath him dissolved. He found himself falling back into the faded darkness. He should have been afraid. It made sense to fear being torn and spread across the mindscape again; but instead Guilt felt happy.

 

************************************************************

 

_If we do this, we won't be the same._

_Let’s be honest, nothing is going to be the same around here._

 

************************************************************

 

*THUD* *THUD*

"Ow, jeez! Would you guys just stop and think for a moment." The impulse sat up from their landing spot on the floor, pushing back their black hood with purple plaid patches. "I mean come on; we only just survived our last social outing."

Logan skidded onto his knees to embrace the impulse; tears falling freely from his eyes. "You frickin came back."

"Flipping flapjacks, he came back!" Patton through his arms around the stunned Roman and smiled over at Thomas.

The impulse gave Logan a comforting squeeze, "You do know you shouldn't hug random strangers, right?" 

Logan loosened his grip and the two separated as Thomas slipped down onto the floor and wrapped his arms around the impulses neck. 

"Shut up, Virgil. We know it's you."

Virgil let out a mischievous laugh, "Wow, rude much."

Thomas let Virgil go and held him at arm’s length by his shoulders, taking in the sides new look. His jacket was like before, only the sleeves seemed longer, so they came down lower over his hands. His purple undershirt was now a dark grey, with the tears exposing more purple plaid. Thomas tilted his head as he looked at Virgil's face; his eye shadow seemed more like an actual skin tone and he was acutely aware that he had two fangs for some reason. Virgil squinted at Thomas' admiring face, feeling annoyingly self-conscious.

"Can I stand up or are you just going to keep staring at me?"

"Oh, yeah, of course."

Thomas and Logan both shuffled back to allow Virgil to stand, but the moment he was upright Patton was squeezing him from behind.

"Emo sandwich!" Roman laughed, as he hugged Virgil from the front; squishing him between himself and Patton. Virgil groaned but smiled at the ridiculous antics of the two sides.

"I can't fully comprehend what has transpired," Logan helped pull Thomas up to his feet so they were all standing, "but I don't care. We are truly glad to have you back."

"Like you wouldn't believe it." Roman laughed as he and Patton finally released the anxious side.

"Yeah, well..." Virgil rubbed the back of his neck and smiled; flashing one of his fangs. " You can't get rid of me that easily. Thomas wouldn't survive if only you guys ran the show."

"I take offence to that, Twilight," Roman gasped and dramatically clutched his chest. "What's with the costume anyway? Halloween is well and truly over."

"Halloween is never over, Princey, and this isn't a costume by the way. This is just...who I am now."

Virgil spread his arms out and tried to act confident, but their stares had him plunging his hands back into his jacket pockets.

"Wait, are you still anxiety? Is your name still Virgil? We shouldn't have just assumed..."

Thomas was now very aware that they had all just assumed that this was still Virgil. He hadn't considered that he may have been like Deceit and returned with a new identity.

"Woah, woah, calm down. It's all good." Virgil adjusted his jacket and slid one of his hands into the front pocket of his purple skinny jeans, using the other hand to gesture as he spoke. "Virgil still feels...right to me. I can't see myself with any other name. And I guess anxiety is still a part of me, but so is negativity or...well, depression."

"So, what happened to the shadows?" Logan asked, thinking about the darkness that had caused them so much pain.

"It's still around, obviously." A black shadow swirled around Virgil's free hand, and his eyes flashed grey as the shadow snaked back up his sleeve. "It's a bit more manageable; a lot less hostile. Still potential for it to become overwhelming, but I'm sure you guys will be able to help with that."

The others all nodded, and Patton exclaimed, "You bet your ass we will."

Thomas, Roman, Logan and Virgil exchanged a confused glance, confirming that they had all heard the same thing.

"Wow, Pat. You got edgy while I was gone. How do you go from referencing pancakes to language like that?"

"Pancakes? Oh, you mean flippin' flapjacks?"

"Yes, I do not understand the significance of breakfast food during a surprising situation." Logan adjusted his glasses, thinking about Patton's exclamation when Virgil had appeared.

"Oh, that’s just something I say instead of saying fuck."

Roman, Logan and Thomas felt their jaws drop, while Virgil burst out laughing and put his arm around Patton's shoulder.

"Patton, don't you dare ever change."

.

.

.

Eventually, Thomas summoned Rage and Dee to his lounge room and the group filled Virgil in on the events since his disappearance. Admittedly, the others were mad when Logan revealed his discovery of the Oasis, but Virgil was quick to defend his decision and thanked Logan for giving Guilt time.

"It was because Guilt spent time alone in the Oasis that I was able to come back together. It's hard to pull yourself together without a central meeting point. Oh and no offence, but you guys have such chaotic energy, we couldn't focus at all."

 "Well at least Guilt is in a proper fusion now." Rage smiled, "better than being faded from what I hear."

"Truuuue," Thomas stretched out the word with a yawn and Logan recognised the late hour.

"We should be going. Thomas requires rest, especially if he is going to get all of his tasks completed tomorrow."

The others outwardly whined and Logan firmly shook his head and pointed down; waiting until only Virgil and Thomas remained before sinking out himself.

 

Thomas pushed himself up from the couch with another yawn and headed for the stairs. Virgil followed in silence until Thomas was ready for bed. Leaning against the doorframe, Virgil watched Thomas sit on his bed and smile over at his anxious side.

"You're all good now, right Thomas?"

"Yeah... Look, I know you don't think I need to say it, but I'm going to say it anyway; I'm sorry...for everything."

"What the heck are you talking about? You've got nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I should be apologising to you. I was the one that messed up."

"No, but..." Thomas grunted in frustration as he quickly realised that this was an argument neither of them would win. "Why don't we just agree that we were both at fault. But everything should be better now. We can accept ourselves for who we are. All that we are. The good and the... perceived to be bad parts."

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

"I know." Thomas smiled at Virgil, playing on the fact that he had just used Logan's voice.

Shaking his head, Virgil pushed himself off the doorframe and folded his arms; flashing a fanged smile at his host.

"Guess I'll see you tomorrow when we read that email again."

Virgil sunk out as Thomas threw a pillow across the room in frustration. He knew why Joan did it now, it was a very satisfying action.

 

************************************************************

 

"Oil stained oak with brass finishes," Roman nodded at the door in the hallway, "I approve of his new sense of taste."

Logan, Patton, Rage and Dee were spread out around the lounge and dining area as Roman walked in from the hallway. They had given up waiting in the hall for Virgil to return, with Logan assuring them that he was probably still conversating with Thomas privately.

 

"Wow, you guys just let anyone in here now," Virgil appeared at the top of the hallway behind Roman, gesturing towards Dee and Rage on the couch. "I feel like your standards have dropped since I was gone."

"Very funny, Dark Shadow." Rage smirked, " I think we bring some variety to this place."

"Leave the name calling to Princey, Rage. It isn't your strong point."

"Alright, Kiddos. That'll do. We are all friends here." Patton walked over to Virgil with a plate of his Crofters biscuits. "Care for a cookie, Virge?"

The smell of the warm biscuits made Virgil smile and he couldn't resist taking one and looking over to Logan who had been assessing them with his eyes.

"Thanks, Pat. So, what are you guys all hanging around here for?"

Virgil could suspect the answer, but he enjoyed watching the others stumble over their words to avoid their admission.

"I wanted to bake cookies."

"I was just ensuring Patton wasn't wasting any of my Crofters."

"Rage and Dee need supervision to be in here, so I thought I would hang around."

"This couch keeps me calm."

Dee lit up his eye and they all spoke in unison, "We wanted to see the Oasis."

"Well at least there is one honest one among you," Virgil snapped his fingers and his hallway door swung open with a slight squeak. "You can come into my room on one condition; you three in particular."

Virgil eyed the three sides, "You don't touch anything, and you walk straight through to my territory. I don't need anyone ripping off my eyeshadow look."

"Agreed"

"Absolutely."

"Admittedly, I would pull off the look much better than you, but I will agree to your terms."

 

Rage vanished from the couch and reappeared at Virgil's door, giving Virgil the finger as the side fixed him with an annoyed stare.

"I mean it, Rage! Don't touch my stuff."

Virgil vanished and the others walked down the hall to poke their heads into the room just as Virgil chased Rage through the wardrobe portal. The room was well lit with a light purple hue, and the walls were lined with shelves of books, figurines and photo frames. Depressions old wardrobe was replaced with a drawing table, a curved lounged took up the middle of the room, and Virgil's bed sat in the centre of the back wall with beanbags sitting either side.

Patton and Dee walked eagerly through the room to reach the Oasis, while Roman and Logan lingered in the room a little longer.

"Clearly, he is still obsessed with spiders." Roman pointed to the webs that covered the shelving and ceiling of the room.

"Indeed."

Logan continued to inspect the shelves while Roman headed through the portal. He paused and ran his finger over the spine of a book entitled 'Logan's Advice'.

"Don't let it get to your head, Lo."

Logan jumped and turned to find Virgil next to him grinning as he swept his bangs away from his face.

"Let's just say that I value your opinion and we'll leave it at that, ok?"

"Oh, don't you worry." Logan smiled and turned to start walking towards the portal with Virgil. "I will only bring it up in order to seek validation or cause you some form of embarrassment."

"Be careful, Logan, your Roman is showing."

 

Stepping through the portal was like stepping into paradise and something that Logan never would have expected from Virgil's territory. The mountain top was open again filling the space with natural light and the green foliage reflected the light further.

"Bet you were expecting some kind of haunted forest, hey Logan?"

Logan glanced sideways at Virgil's fanged smile, "It's definitely an improvement on what I previously saw."

"This place puts the cliff edge to shame!" Roman called from his place in a tree he and Patton were climbing.

"It wasn't called the Oasis for ironies sake" Dee called from his spot next to Rage, leaning back against the base of the tree. "This place actually feels a lot better than it used to."

"Well, I need a place to calm down." Snapping his fingers, two deck chairs appeared near the stream and Virgil gestured for Logan to sit. "I'd wear myself out if I was at my peak all the time."

 

Logan took a seat and looked over at the other sides in the tree, analysing how high Roman and Patton would be able to climb based on the trees structure. Virgil paused at the water’s edge, looking at his reflection with a half-smile. He couldn't help but appreciate the irony of having fangs after his vampire Halloween costume and the next script. His reflection split in the water, and for a moment white glowing eyes stared back before fading to his old face.

_Things are going to be different; that much is for sure. Thomas isn't going to stop stepping outside of our comfort zone and we are going to have to adapt to this new life pretty quickly._

 

**_Just remember, we're not alone_**.

 

The reflections merged back together, and Virgil turned to look at the sides and impulses in his territory. Each of them was important to Thomas and helped him in some way, and Virgil was ready to use them to help him as well.

_I can go to Patton for comfort and Roman for protection if the shadows get out of control. I'm sure Logan would always be willing to help me refocus if my worries become overly exaggerated. Dee can help conceal my fear when Thomas needs to be brave, just like he always has. And Rage... Is an impulsive pain, but he has a good heart._

 

"Virgil?" Logan turned in his chair to look at the side still staring at the water. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," Virgil moved to sit on the chair next to Logan, "I think it will be." _Until something else comes up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every past, present and future reader for reading this and sticking with me as I embraced the challenge of story writing. At the time of me uploading this, I just finished watching season 4&5 of Steven Universe and boy do I now see just how similar that story is to my own (no spoilers). Honestly, when I planned this fic, I had only seen the first 2 seasons and that really inspired the initial concept. I can see now why Thomas and his friends like the show.  
> 
> 
> Sides of a Hero was always meant to end like this – despite diverging story arcs to get here (I abandoned so many ideas along the way). There is obviously potential for this fic to go further as either short fics to fill in plot holes or expand on events, or a complete second instalment. If there was interest, I would endeavour to continue making content.  
>  Thanks again for reading and showing support with kudos and comments. I really appreciated the support and you all are amazing for doing that.  
>  Happy time zone everyone *waves and returns to work*

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts. I am all for feedback as long as it is constructive (constructive feedback leads to future learning).  
> Also, I’m on Tumblr.  
> I have a page for my art - @1-1snailxd-art (https://1-1snailxd-art.tumblr.com/)  
> And one just for fun - @snail-giggles (https://snail-giggles.tumblr.com/)


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